Newish, but, Am I the Brat?

[Hu****]

So here’s a cute pattern I noticed:
Guy comes in hot - big words, big energy, “I’m all in for you,” “I can’t walk away,” blah blah blah.
Then… poof. Unfriended like a damn magic trick.

Which is funny, because I don’t even friend people on here. I’m not here building a social club. I’m here for one deep connection, not to rack up online “friends.” But this one? Oh, he just had to make that little dramatic exit. Click. Bye.

Apparently, standing by basic self-respect (like not getting involved with someone still legally tangled up - yea dude, you are twisted up) is just too much for some. Boundaries? Oh no, now I’m the bad guy. Gasp.

Honestly though? I almost want to send him a thank-you card. Ugh, that long-distance emotional tug-of-war? The push, the pull, the draining back-and-forth that I (yes, I’ll own it) let go on too long? Yeah… it was starting to feel about as exciting as watching ***t dry. And about as valuable, too.

So, congrats to him for doing what he swore he couldn’t do: walking away. Gold star, buddy.

I hope he finds the clarity he’s looking for — somewhere between the unfriend button and his divorce papers.

Meanwhile, I’ll be over here, free of the circus, with my peace intact.

Anyone else tired of these “all in until you hold a boundary” types?

[To****]

It goes both ways. Girls do the same to the guys. There are some genuine people here, honestly! 😘👍

[mr****]

been saying this👏👏

[ki****]

Omg yes , we was talking to a guy that was literally saying he wouldn't leave and that he wanted to be a long term thing , next day wouldn't even respond to us . No explanation nothing!!

[ki****]

Yea see guys like that are weird you have to get you a real one love

[PhillySecrets]

Good evening how are you all doing

[ch****]

Stay clear of this emotional mess guys

[Ha****]

It’s hilarious how they seem so put together on their profile, but as soon as they hit your DMs, it’s like they’ve swapped personalities.

I’ll read profiles and ask questions to make sure we’re on the same page, but it’s wild how fast that energy changes once they’re in my messages. At this point, I give them 48 hours to show they’re not just playing a role. If not, I move on.

[Deleted Member]

They come in hot and bold until I put them in their place with my brat after I flip my bitch switch cause their super fake "Dom" energy irritates the s$%t outa me. A true Dom/Daddy approaches with respect and openness to boundaries cause that is the heart of safe consensual play.

[On****]

"Gold star buddy" sent me over the edge 🤣

[Di****]

If anon says I can’t quit you then hes a liar. Thats a manipulation of emotion. He may not be capable of loving himself. This is borderline psychopathy. You dodged well sis

[De****]

Oh Sweet girl! That is NOT the man you need or should want in your world. Hot and bold means absolute SH*t if they can’t take it to the depths of true BDSM. It’s not about the lip service but the true core or it all. Don’t let those who are here for a ‘get in, get off, get out’. You deserve to have your needs met. You deserve to be cherished in the way that best meets your needs. You deserve space and time. Don’t let their immediate gratification get in the way of anything. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it and so are you.

[Di****]

25 minutes ago, HappyFatLady said:

It’s hilarious how they seem so put together on their profile, but as soon as they hit your DMs, it’s like they’ve swapped personalities.

I’ll read profiles and ask questions to make sure we’re on the same page, but it’s wild how fast that energy changes once they’re in my messages. At this point, I give them 48 hours to show they’re not just playing a role. If not, I move on.

I like talking and transparency and I like want to like a person some. Vibe or something. I also do not put anyone on me on the first date. Once I’m comfortable and ready I like to start listening to TOOL see if the lady objects or whatever. Then DOMINATE. Tori Amos love TOOL so there. Being Dominate is about care. Safety and consistency and then we can do whatever we need you know like kinky sex or chains and stuff. Dom with love not incel aggression

[Shenna]

This is what they call married men who think they can cheat online. They say all the right words to excite you. Like as though they have a great book on how to cheat and how to uses the correct words.

This is online they are not cleaver they promise the world they never do.
They want excitement then they get nervous and scared.

This is why I prefer to meet people at kink clubs and munches. Rather than online. At least you know they are real.

[vamacara]

Don't worry. There's more than enough fools around who are all talk but no commitment. But once the right one turns up you'll know it.
At least you got further than just looking for a match but also got some interaction at least. (Sorry, can only talk from the male side of things, watching female visitors ramp up on my profile but none ever contacts me. Must be some unspoken taboo about my kinks, feet and leg casts/plaster. 🤔)

For the person who played and ditched you without giving any thought:

why play around with somebody if you aren't willing to get serious or at least honestly explain yourself before? It's not just a silly game you play here. You're interacting with another sentient human being that suffers the impact of your behaviour...

[Hu****]

1 hour ago, Toxic_Meerkat said:

It goes both ways. Girls do the same to the guys. There are some genuine people here, honestly! 😘👍

True, bad behavior isn’t gender-specific. Plenty of people play games on both sides. But genuine people? Yeah, they show it through consistent action, not just words and emojis.

[Hu****]

47 minutes ago, HappyFatLady said:

It’s hilarious how they seem so put together on their profile, but as soon as they hit your DMs, it’s like they’ve swapped personalities.

I’ll read profiles and ask questions to make sure we’re on the same page, but it’s wild how fast that energy changes once they’re in my messages. At this point, I give them 48 hours to show they’re not just playing a role. If not, I move on.

I do not have time to babysit split personalities. 

[Hu****]

27 minutes ago, DeeDot780 said:

Oh Sweet girl! That is NOT the man you need or should want in your world. Hot and bold means absolute SH*t if they can’t take it to the depths of true BDSM. It’s not about the lip service but the true core or it all. Don’t let those who are here for a ‘get in, get off, get out’. You deserve to have your needs met. You deserve to be cherished in the way that best meets your needs. You deserve space and time. Don’t let their immediate gratification get in the way of anything. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it and so are you.

Thank you. You put it perfectly.

I know what I deserve, and I’m willing to hold out for it, even when it’s not easy. Your words are a great reminder. I’m standing firm on that now.

[Hu****]

50 minutes ago, MissKittyKibbles80 said:

They come in hot and bold until I put them in their place with my brat after I flip my bitch switch cause their super fake "Dom" energy irritates the s$%t outa me. A true Dom/Daddy approaches with respect and openness to boundaries cause that is the heart of safe consensual play.

Ugh, yes! That’s exactly what it was! He tried too hard because he’s really a sissy bitch. He couldn’t keep up the role he was auditioning for. 

[Hu****]

16 minutes ago, vamacara said:

Don't worry. There's more than enough fools around who are all talk but no commitment. But once the right one turns up you'll know it.
At least you got further than just looking for a match but also got some interaction at least. (Sorry, can only talk from the male side of things, watching female visitors ramp up on my profile but none ever contacts me. Must be some unspoken taboo about my kinks, feet and leg casts/plaster. 🤔)

For the person who played and ditched you without giving any thought:

why play around with somebody if you aren't willing to get serious or at least honestly explain yourself before? It's not just a silly game you play here. You're interacting with another sentient human being that suffers the impact of your behaviour...

Wow… your words hit me hard (in a good way). Honestly, I teared up reading this, because yes, that’s exactly it. It’s not a silly game, it’s real people with real feelings. Thank you for seeing that and “saying it out loud”.

 

And you’re right, I’ll know when the right one shows up. No more settling for surface-level. Your message reminded me I’m not crazy for wanting real connection. Truly, thank you for this!

[Wi****]

I think this problem exists in every situation.
I have experienced it several times. Chat with someone several days and it seems like everything is going well and then poof!!
Being ghosted can leave you wondering what you did wrong or didn't do right.
I would be fine with being told that we just don't fit, lots of luck. But, vanishing acts kinda leaves you without closure and I think everyone needs closure to some degree.

At my age, 71, I am only of interest to maybe 1/100th of 1 percent of those here. So, when someone ghosts me, I know my odds just got smaller.
But, I won't give up. I know that somewhere out there is that one in a lifetime match and sooner or later, I'll find her.

[Hu****]

32 minutes ago, Shenna said:

This is what they call married men who think they can cheat online. They say all the right words to excite you. Like as though they have a great book on how to cheat and how to uses the correct words.

This is online they are not cleaver they promise the world they never do.
They want excitement then they get nervous and scared.

This is why I prefer to meet people at kink clubs and munches. Rather than online. At least you know they are real.

The main issue between him and me was exactly that. He’s legally separated, not divorced. And for me, that’s a hard line. I knew I couldn’t let myself develop deeper feelings for someone still legally tied up, no matter his excuses. He kept trying to explain it away - finances, kids, health insurance, but honestly, it started to feel like gaslighting. Like my boundary was negotiable if he just talked enough.

 

This whole experience has reaffirmed for me why in-person spaces feel so much more real. Less performance, more truth. Online, too many are just here for the thrill until it gets inconvenient.

[Deleted Member]

🤣 "watching sement dry?!? I love it! You're keen, that was awesome! bravo-

[vamacara]

You're welcome. I'm happy my 2 cents worth helped . Wish you good luck and hope you find the partner who you can build a wholesome relationship with.

[NicNoneGiven]

I gave myself to her, 100%. I was so wrapped up in her, then she pulled away. And now it's been almost a month since she's even spoken to me. Her stuff is still in my place. I don't get it.