Is it weird not to like sex but love everything else

[Stubbed_my_damn_toe]

It's strange how I can do anything and everything for a woman and have done so. I can worship a woman head to toe and have a great time.kissing licking whatever you can think of. But if I'm asked to do basic oral or anal sex I just can't do it, and when i say i can't, i mean not only do i not get hard, but i just have no interest. I can lick any hole and be happy, but I just can't downright fuck. Does anyone else have this issue? I personally don't see the problem, but it's harder for me to hook up or date anyone when I mention this.

[Br****]

I am curious if you have experienced any sexual trauma as a kid.

[an****]

i don't think its weird. we all have different ways of going about physical intimacy; play, attraction, stimulation, etc... i'm sorry you've had a harder time with finding connections that meet u where u are at, and i hope you find one that helps u feel affirmed with exploring more of your curiosity.

[Gr****]

It sounds like you’re asexual, or somewhere on the greysexual spectrum.
.
Some asexuals can have sex but just don’t experience sexual attraction. Some asexuals have sex but it never occurs to them unless someone else initiates. Some asexuals just have no interest in sex.
.
Maybe you could specifically seek out asexual folks to see if you find better connections that way.

[Stubbed_my_damn_toe]

16 minutes ago, BrattyKei320 said:

I am curious if you have experienced any sexual trauma as a kid.

Actually, I did. That's crazy You picked up on it like that. Got it from a female babysitter I had

[Stubbed_my_damn_toe]

10 minutes ago, anac-onda said:

i don't think its weird. we all have different ways of going about physical intimacy; play, attraction, stimulation, etc... i'm sorry you've had a harder time with finding connections that meet u where u are at, and i hope you find one that helps u feel affirmed with exploring more of your curiosity.

Thank you for the kind words! I'll keep trying, but I do feel guilty I can't provide the basics lol

[kinkymasterandrew]

It's not average, but who is. I'm confident there are dominant females who would be fine with what you want, too. But with previous ***, seeking therapy may be helpful too. I think the only question is, do you want to get hard for insertion? If so, try therapy and see how it goes. If not, try finding someone into getting what you are into giving. Don't worry about what is or isn't weird.

[kinkymasterandrew]

Ummm "but with previous trauma?"

[No****]

Add to cart. 😂 id love more licking than fucking.

[Kr****]

1 hour ago, Griot said:

It sounds like you’re asexual, or somewhere on the greysexual spectrum.
.
Some asexuals can have sex but just don’t experience sexual attraction. Some asexuals have sex but it never occurs to them unless someone else initiates. Some asexuals just have no interest in sex.
.
Maybe you could specifically seek out asexual folks to see if you find better connections that way.

Yes, I had the same thoughts. Asexuality is a broad field with many different shapes. It may help to explain the gap between finding someone attractive and the missing desire to actually have sex.

[Laycette]

Absolutely fine. You are a service sub, excellent. Lots of call for that. Remember in BDSM, it is not about sex. For us BDSM people sex can be one tool in the box among many. For swingers it is the destination but for kinksters it is merely an optional stop on the way. You are fine.

[Yi****]

I've always wondered if happy couples stay together because they have the same kink or are the majority of happy couples just kind of vanilla so figure out what turns you on and maybe you can do that when you get the chance but what if you meet the perfect vanilla person hopefully you can find someone that does both

[AF****]

Is it weird - No. And don't let anyone be able to make you feel you are! Including yourself!

If you can't help analysing it - Always consider.... We're humans, we're all F+×£%ing weird in one way or another. 🤷

[ea****]

It doesn’t matter, if you’re giving her all of you.

Love, desire is a charity, it can’t really be earned. (Well, it can be “earned”, but by just being you - real raw you, the one behind all the defenses - all for her.) Look for a woman who understands that. Look for the one that wants all of you, not just what you do for her.

Finding what feels yours is very hard for most. it’s a journey – enjoy it.

[Th****]

I wish the norm would be for people to read full threads before commenting without all context. 

OP, I would reccomend addressing your trauma, not to "fix" the issue around no interest or desire for certain sexual acts but to work towards understanding and healing as much as you're able. There's most likely other areas in your emotional and mental well being that have been impacted and are affecting your life in some way even if you've not made the connection yet. 

As far as disinterest in various aspects of sex you're not alone or even necessarily "abnormal" sexual attraction and sexual desire is complex and a vast spectrum where people fall all over the place within it even in the absence of any trauma.

As @Griot mentioned perhaps do some research on the asexuality and greysexuality. Feeling sexual attraction to a person and having a desire for sex can also be totally separate things for many people. The oversimplified definition of asexual is having the lack of sexual attraction. Some people also have little to no sexual desire yet some of them are still comfortable with various sex acts, while others are sex averse entirely. Greysexuality is when people only feel sexual attraction under specific circumstances, demisexuals and noetisexuals are examples.

Libido and/or sexual desire are also separate from sexual attraction for many. A person can have a higher libido and desire for sex yet rarely come across anyone they're sexually attracted to or it can take quite some time before sexual attraction develops. 

As far as your interpersonal relationships go I'd think that being open and honest with potential partners is a good policy. Appropriate timing is important however, don't go dumping more intimate or heavier things on people straight away. 

[DemonCandy]

17 hours ago, Stubbed_my_damn_toe said:

Actually, I did. That's crazy You picked up on it like that. Got it from a female babysitter I had

Well, you will have to find a therapist who works with subconcious (not simpy a counselor or talk therapist) and work on that trauma because currently this intimate activity and pleasure is likely subconsciously associated with *** and/or trauma for you, which is why you don't feel interest in it personally. The other person picked up on it because it is a common thing for someone to have seemingly changed sexuality or repulsion to sex and trauma being a cause for it (though not denying the natural existence of various sexualities).

[Th****]

4 hours ago, DemonCandy said:

Well, you will have to find a therapist who works with subconcious (not simpy a counselor or talk therapist) and work on that trauma because currently this intimate activity and pleasure is likely subconsciously associated with *** and/or trauma for you, which is why you don't feel interest in it personally. The other person picked up on it because it is a common thing for someone to have seemingly changed sexuality or repulsion to sex and trauma being a cause for it (though not denying the natural existence of various sexualities).

There's also the possibility of a both/and situation. 

[Di****]

Sounds like you need healing. What kind of medications do you take for depression anxiety and stress symptoms. They can cause this alone and the medication can make it worse. Whatever happened with love or sex is also likely unresolved or unhealed. It can be difficult to receive love if you hate yourself. And you occupying you mouth can be a way to cope with the intimacy you can’t handle. You may be sensitized, so good feels be you can’t process it.

Best wishes and good on you for even listening to your own internal dialogue. That’s pretty high functioning for a man.

[kc****]

Not at all i think sex sucks for play is so much better

[fc****]

On 5/23/2025 at 9:06 PM, Stubbed_my_damn_toe said:

It's strange how I can do anything and everything for a woman and have done so. I can worship a woman head to toe and have a great time.kissing licking whatever you can think of. But if I'm asked to do basic oral or anal sex I just can't do it, and when i say i can't, i mean not only do i not get hard, but i just have no interest. I can lick any hole and be happy, but I just can't downright fuck. Does anyone else have this issue? I personally don't see the problem, but it's harder for me to hook up or date anyone when I mention this.

I am wired in a similar way, where I never desire sexual intercourse nor get aroused at the thought of it. I have found ways to have sex, it just requires certain environmental conditions to be met and it took a few years to figure out how to make work. While this is uncommon overall, it does seem a lot more common within BDSM/FLR realms (although much of this is likely due to people who participate in those being a lot more open about their sexuality).

 

It does tend to make dating more difficult, although I have found the better you can describe yourself, the less of a problem it becomes. e.g. there are definitely people who would much prefer a partner that never pressures them for or tries to initiate sexual intercourse. Thankfully, the past 5-10 years have yielded a much greater understanding of the concepts involved and provided adequate terminology to do so.

 

I’m not sure how much you want to try to unpack here as there are likely a ton of overlapping layers at work. If you would like help stepping through any of it, feel free to ask.

 

I agree with others who have posted that it would probably be helpful to do research on asexual/demisexual/greysexual. If you are wanting to do any research on the trauma-side of it, I have had therapists and others refer to things like, “trauma cued sexuality,” “trauma influenced sexuality,” and “trauma induced sexuality,” but there doesn’t really seem to be a consensus on terminology here.

 

While there are aspects that can be healed from, it’s also understandable if you are okay with how you are and don’t desire to change it. There are also the***utic methods to improve your relationship with how you are if it’s something that causes you emotional/psychological distress (aka self-loathing/self-hatred) to be different in this way. 

[APerfectTool]

I don't really desire having sex or even getting off personally. Last girl I spent a couple weeks with everyday I would go down on herald her orgasm a few times, and asks Mr to fuck her I go for 10 minutes or so and she gets off a few ore times, (slight up curve right before the head makes me good at rubbing at just the right spot and is often complimented as being a good dick despite being less than 6". Size doesn't always matter. Took me a while to be proud of the little guy once I learned though, my dicks the bomb baby.) Sorry tangent. She also get off on gagging and being facefuckd and asked if she could. I grabbed her head I pumped her throat then let her go at it for a second and do it again, hold her down, she would cum a few more times and she is done. It literally takes me so long to get off most of the time I don't find the payout worth the effort. Knowing I just made her get off like 8 - 10 times like nothing is a far better feeling to me. She tolde girls get mad when they can't get them off. Well she could have though. It just would have taken her a long time and she gave up after getting off to many times.... when I am worshipping licking and pleasing though I stay soft. Because he knows I don't plan on using him and even if I do probably long shot it is to completion.

[Ashissubbing]

I am pretty much asexual unless it comes with bondage. I don't really get turned on by people, it's more the situation. When I watch bondage it's definitely about the situation and imagining the pleasure and satisfaction the players are getting.