Trapped Beast, Seeking Help … I’m Suffocating!

June 17, 2025

I really don’t know what to do… I feel like a bird trapped in a cage, flapping my wings ***fully, but unable to fly away.

I’m 29 years old, working in China, and I’m dating a boyfriend. To be honest, he’s a good guy, honest and conscientious, a typical traditional Chinese man. He loves me very much and works hard to be good to me, wanting to give me a stable home. But… it’s just… that aspect, just doesn’t excite me at all.

He's the type who is gentle, very careful, even a bit… clumsy. Every time feels like he's completing a task, rushing through it. I’ve tried to guide him, but he’s always so reserved, afraid of making me uncomfortable. Bottom line, he’s a severely inexperienced virgin. I’ve really tried, but I just can’t reach climax, it feels like eating tasteless food, leaving me feeling empty inside.

What makes me even more upset is that I… I’ve had a different life before. A few years ago, I went to study in Japan alone. I was young and energetic back then, and full of curiosity about everything. The environment was also relatively open. You understand the atmosphere of language school, various nationalities of students mixing together, going to bars, parties, meeting a lot of interesting people… and also meeting some… well, more open-minded foreign guys. At that time, I completely let go of myself, trying many crazy and stimulating things. Group sex, role-playing, even some things I don’t even dare to think about… those days were simply a sexual liberation, I felt so wonderful, so free.

Looking back now, that experience was also quite absurd, but I just can’t forget the feeling of being conquered, of being dominated. I like that kind of thrill, I like that kind of edge of adventure, I like the feeling of completely losing control.

But now? My boyfriend doesn’t know my past at all. He doesn't even know how much I crave stimulation. I look at his serious face and think of the wildness within me, and I feel like a complete fraud!

I really want to… secretly find someone to relieve myself. I want to experience that long-lost thrill, I want to regain some of myself. But I’m also afraid of being morally condemned, afraid of hurting my boyfriend. I know that cheating is wrong, but I’m really suffocating!

***s, have any of you encountered similar situations? What should I do? Should I grit my teeth and bear it, or secretly indulge myself? I’m really struggling, so ***ful… Please, give me some advice!