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I recently started seeing someone and he’s really into BDSM. I have little to no experience. He’s a very submissive person and wants me to be the dom. Just need advice on how to step out of my shy zone and be that for him. 


I want to experience something new erotic exciting how do i start?


Jonezy you have not provided anywhere near enough information to be able to give you guidance.  I have checked your profile and there is very little information in there as well.  Before I can tell you anything, I would like to know, given that your only new to this lifestyle, what makes you think your dominant?  What do you do in your vanilla life (position wise), why did you come to this site, and what was it you were looking for? How long has this other person been in the lifestyle?

None of us on this site are mind readers or equipped with crystal balls, so if you want solid answers, PLEASE provide us with enough information to give you honest and open answers. 

4 minutes ago, Gooseguns said:

I want to experience something new erotic exciting how do i start?

Gooseguns, I will say the same thing to you mate.  IF you want guidance, then give us enough information to at least be able to point you in the right direction.  Your only new here and your profile is light on for information as well.


Remember that you don't owe it to him to be his Dominant.

You need to tell him this is very new to you - and that he needs to be clear from what he expects from you.

If he can't be clear - then just make sure he does all the housework and as your breakfast in bed each morning.......


Same conditions here I'm also very submissive person.. And looking for a mistress
My advice for you is just know the person fantasy and give bdsm task according to that,,, and make some Rule and regulations which your slave follow without argument

12 minutes ago, Charu said:

make some Rule and regulations which your slave follow without argument

For a new relationship, with someone new to being a Dominant... I'd disagree

Rules need to be agreed between two people.  Especially when you're finding your feet.   If you are a Dominant, with experience, you might have some predetermined rules that are "accept or leave" but this is people trying to create something form within their relationship



I may be writing out of turn here. However, there is a danger to trying something new without fully understanding what you are getting yourself into.

If the only experience or exposure to BDSM lies within the pages of romance novels, romanticized Hollywood movies, or stylized porn videos, that will not take the BDSM journey very far. Just because someone wants another person to be their dom/me does not mean that the partner is a dom/me or wants to be a dom/me.

Having almost nothing but an interest or request for advice from the profile, it makes for a challenge to understand what is being asked and which advice to give.

I will make 2 resource suggestions.

One of which was suggested to me at the start of my journey and has helped remove the romantic veil that surrounds BDSM (the glam and glitter): Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns.

The other is a website (domsubliving) that offers resources like articles and guides. I hesitate to say that they offer tips on how to move from a vanilla relationship to a BDSM lifestyle, because BDSM isn't a set of tips or steps and then HUZZAH one becomes submissive or Dominant. It is a lifestyle, a mindset. It is a commitment first to the self and then to the partner(s).

I may be completely off base, and if so, I sincerely apologize.

Also, I do not receive any funds/sponsorships/monies from any of the sources I referenced. They were shared only in the spirit of sharing knowledge and furthering the ideals of a Safe, Sane, and Consensual experience.



Try and get comfortable and have an honest talk about what you both like and your limits and then maybe surprise him one day with it. If you're shy, some form of restraint during foreplay or sex is a good place to start - and that could be as simple as applying pressure to them - submissive people want to please and dominants control and give out the pleasure. Show him what you want for pleasure and if he's good, you reward him with what he wants. And if you both don't know what you want, get creative.


As many have pointed out above your profile is very light in content but I will the best I can with what little information is available. You say he’s into BDSM but in what context and for how long?  I am going out on a limb here as assumptions are just that. It comes across that he too is fairly new to this community and may have romanticized what the roles could or should be. To try to pigeonhole you into a role you yourself are not comfortable with or feel that you are able to provide be in due to lack of experience or being inherently shy is a disservice to both of you. 

If he’s the one with experience he should be leading, guiding, and directing you to what makes him tick and not thinking the role he sees you in is the role to you. Instead I would recommend, at least in the beginning, that you engage by swapping roles until you know what you like and don’t like. It could very well be that though you care for him this would not be the relationship for you to begin your journey into our world. 

BDSM is a world unto itself and can be a scary venture to begin. Once you’ve decided you enjoy the lifestyle only then will you discover what you like and what makes you tick. You could very well be a submissive yourself and from my experience two submissives will not be able to work unless both parties are able to put aside their preconceived notions of what each role entails. Do some research on roles and see which one best suits your personality and what you hope to gain. Enjoy the forum and read many of the topics and not just those relating to being a submissive or a dominant as the education can be invaluable as every role within the community responds to posts. Talk to people within the various chat rooms even if it means just going in to watch the interactions between the members until you feel compelled to respond to one point or another. There are some in the lobby that are people just like you who are trying to navigate the waters of the community. Even those of us with oodles of experience learn something new every single day. If you stop learning you stop growing. Experiment with the various roles until you find the one you’re most comfortable with. Even though a strong woman who has to be dominant in my everyday life, I was more comfortable in a switch role who preferred the submissive role more. We all grow and change. Today if one was to ask me what my role was I would unequivocally say I’m a submissive with zero desire to control. In my relationship with Admiral I love everything about my role and I don’t ever see that changing. As relationships grow and expand so do roles. Best of luck. If I can help in any way please feel free to reach out. The easiest way to find me on the site is in the lobby. If you’re too shy to reach out in the floor please feel free to “whisper” to me and I will absolutely lower my filters to allow you to send a PM. 

best of luck on your journey. Embrace who you are and what you want. 

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