Is no limits actually real?

[Deleted Member]

No limits in D/s

 

A few weeks ago a member wrote a great thread about no limits and yep it caused some debate and even argument in the community. I even as a relative newbie to the community however understood his points relatively easily with some thought and a couple of questions.

 

He quite clearly stated that for him and his partner it can take upto 7-8 years before he reached this level of trust because let's face it, that's all for me no limit play is. A high level of trust where you know the ins and outs of your partner, no confusion at all and a deep connection. I've seen this Morning another member posting about his sub who has no limits and what you would do in this situation. 

 

Let me first say without arrogance of any kind that I believe a no limit relationship is one I feel I could quite comfortably find myself in sometime in the future as I poses one key element but even then if I labled it a no limit relationship is that what it would actually be? No, not at all.  So what does it mean to one with shall we say less experience than the original poster? 

 

Personal integrity is key, character and a true understanding of the needs of the other and what you have learned over the course of many sessions. No limit play is NOT something I would feel you could engage in with one you have just met and for me to think otherwise is irresponsible and quite frankly, dangerous. If I met a submissive and we were new to each other, yet she said she wanted no limits then yes I could do that, but it would for me be very tame especially in the beginning as she may not have limits but I definitely do, I would find myself limited by two things.

 

1.The rule of law. For me the rule of law in this situation are limits, set by our peers to control how we live our lives and even though some of the things we do actually do break the rule of law we are all still restrained somewhat by how far we can go. The rule of law tells us, go too far and there could be severe action taken against us so here we have a limit straight away. It's just a limit set by others and not by ourselves.

 

2.Personal choice and character. Here we have limits we place on ourselves, even if your partner gives you carte blanche would you get the circular saw out and start sawing legs off? No of course not because that brings no pleasure to anyone and any right minded individual would know or at least should know that this is too far. So there we have a limit set in our own minds, only a truly evil individual would take agreed no limit play to these extremes and there would be severe action taken against that individual, a limit placed by society and quite rightly so but again it's still a limit. We all know and even as sadists we know how far we can go, if you know your partner inside and out, hence the comment he made about 7-8 years before he felt he could engage in no limit play.

 

So what is no limit to me? Merely a lack of spite as you play out a scene which sadly not all poses, it's a brain that thinks and eyes that watch, ears that listen and an ability to react safely to how the submissive reacts. Yes this comes with time and more importantly a deep affection for your partner and their welfare. A knowledge of how far you can go, how hard you can push before you yourself call time on the scene, so again it's the personal limit that controls what and how the scene is to be conducted.

 

My conclusion after weeks of thought?

 

There is no such thing as no limits, it doesn't exist unless you are a psychopath and if that were the case even with limits I doubt it would make any difference. You may like to label yourself as a no limit relationship but there are always limits it's just you know each other that well, are so comfortable that you need not discuss limits beforehand, you know already how far it can be taken and there we already have a limit.

Edited July 11, 2020 by Deleted Member

[ey****]

the other thing of course with limits is physical limits. limits on skills. limits on finances.

So, let's say someone approached me to be a no-limits submissive.  OK, so they come round my house now.

I'd have them do my dishes (easy) then make some lunch (also easy) they'd then tend to house work.  I might, if I needed to go, use them as a toilet (ok, getting into play).  I might have them bathe me also if they're female.

Actually, if it was a guy with a foot fetish I'd have him wash my feet, not allowed to kiss or worship.... a lady with or without a foot fetish I'd have kissing my feet regardless of their condition.

I'd then send them out shopping, which they're paying for - and then depending on the time they're either cooking dinner then leaving, or leaving then ordering me a nice Saturday night take away.

And this might be somewhat normal.  But, like, I also need a new kitchen... hell... a new house... can they fit me a new kitchen? If they lack the skills that's a limit. Are they purchasing me a new house? If they lack the means, that's a limit.  My sitting room needs redecorating.... there's assorted admin I could do with help for.   These are all limited by skills.

And these are all things that are useful.  "a no limits sub who will do anything" is bringing me value by doing these things and - of course - as well as pissing on them if they're in the house and I need the toilet - the more they do for me the more free time I will have and some of that time might be well spent on activities we'd enjoy together.  Or some of my favourite things to do to them. Whatever.  Someone I could splosh who then has to do all the clean up could be a boost.

[Deleted Member]

I've just been thinking about how I would deal with let's say a submissive, our first play session, her telling me "I don't have limits"

I would I think order her onto her back, mouth open, drop my pants and start taking a shit in her mouth. Now I just can't see her taking that so I would stop look at her and the ask simply "are you sure you have no limits?" Hopefully helping her wise up a little.

[Deleted Member]

38 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

the other thing of course with limits is physical limits. limits on skills. limits on finances.

So, let's say someone approached me to be a no-limits submissive.  OK, so they come round my house now.

I'd have them do my dishes (easy) then make some lunch (also easy) they'd then tend to house work.  I might, if I needed to go, use them as a toilet (ok, getting into play).  I might have them bathe me also if they're female.

Actually, if it was a guy with a foot fetish I'd have him wash my feet, not allowed to kiss or worship.... a lady with or without a foot fetish I'd have kissing my feet regardless of their condition.

I'd then send them out shopping, which they're paying for - and then depending on the time they're either cooking dinner then leaving, or leaving then ordering me a nice Saturday night take away.

And this might be somewhat normal.  But, like, I also need a new kitchen... hell... a new house... can they fit me a new kitchen? If they lack the skills that's a limit. Are they purchasing me a new house? If they lack the means, that's a limit.  My sitting room needs redecorating.... there's assorted admin I could do with help for.   These are all limited by skills.

And these are all things that are useful.  "a no limits sub who will do anything" is bringing me value by doing these things and - of course - as well as pissing on them if they're in the house and I need the toilet - the more they do for me the more free time I will have and some of that time might be well spent on activities we'd enjoy together.  Or some of my favourite things to do to them. Whatever.  Someone I could splosh who then has to do all the clean up could be a boost.

I never even thought of that aspect

[Ar****]

40 minutes ago, Donnykinkster said:

I've just been thinking about how I would deal with let's say a submissive, our first play session, her telling me "I don't have limits"

I would I think order her onto her back, mouth open, drop my pants and start taking a shit in her mouth. Now I just can't see her taking that so I would stop look at her and the ask simply "are you sure you have no limits?" Hopefully helping her wise up a little.

Aye. I tend to use death and/maiming as an example. When I get a horrified reaction from a sub who doesn't actively want to die/lose a body part or such (🙄), I'll caution them to be careful to whom they use the term "no limits" in future. I've found myself early on in quite a few new potential relationships listing possibilities - "what about doing this?", "how about if I did that to you?", not because if I have any actual interest in doing such things but because the other party hasn't had enough awareness about their limits or what they were asking.

[Brittone2]

I hope you are not serious Donnykinkster about taking a shit in her mout h and you are just using that to make your point..Why in the hell would you want to that..

[ey****]

1 minute ago, Brittone2 said:

I hope you are not serious Donnykinkster about taking a shit in her mout h and you are just using that to make your point..Why in the hell would you want to that..

whilst not my kink - it is some people's.  

[Brittone2]

1 minute ago, eyemblacksheep said:

whilst not my kink - it is some people's.  

I'm just a little surprised that Donnykinkster said it..

[Deleted Member]

22 minutes ago, Brittone2 said:

I hope you are not serious Donnykinkster about taking a shit in her mout h and you are just using that to make your point..Why in the hell would you want to that..

No, it's a limit of mine but I feel I must say I respect another's right to engage in such activity.

[Brittone2]

1 minute ago, Donnykinkster said:

No, it's a limit of mine but I feel I must say I respect another's right to engage in such activity.

Well I'll be honest Donny if it was done to me I would become seriously ill and end up in hospital the same if you cut off my oxygen..

[Deleted Member]

26 minutes ago, Brittone2 said:

if you cut off my oxygen..

Breath play however i adore

[Brittone2]

[Deleted Member]

57 minutes ago, Brittone2 said:

I'm just a little surprised that Donnykinkster said it..

Haha you really know nothing about me, the man you see on here has another side that is saved for only special ladies 😁😁

[Brittone2]

Well I know you are a sharp dressed man..You have to save your best for the ladies..

🕺

[Leisa]

Tough one Donny. For Admiral and I we both have the exact same limits so it makes it easy to have no limits outside of our self imposed ones. In fact it’s more likely I’d push something before he would not because it can be done but I trust him not to cause ***. After all what’s an injured sub left with for their Dominant? It is very difficult to believe someone just coming into the scene has no limits. That to me sounds like desperation to find and be accepted as someone’s submissive/slave potential right off the bat. That’s irresponsible and dangerous though you hear the no limits thrown about frequently. I know exactly who you’re speaking of in your post and what they have is a TPE and in such if he wants to do something she’s not going to say no you cannot. In fact I have met both parties to that dynamic. Not only are they D/s they are in a live in 24/7 dynamic which is a completely different ball of wax. I also know outside of anything else he’d never injure or maim her. It took them 8 years to get to that point so why would he injure a prized possession?

As I was saying for us we have the same limits but within the limits we’ve imposed there is no limit upon the degree to which the limits not in place occur. Being a masochist the harder the play the better and that’s okay with both of us though he does frequently check in to make sure I’m doing ok.

Someone saying they have absolutely zero limits as in neither party has ingrained limits is scary to me. As least the dominant has to have ingrained limits as to how far they will go to accomplish the goal. Regardless such dynamics takes total trust in the Dominant to know what is and is not acceptable.

[Deleted Member]

I agree totally @Leisa With all you say and as you say Tpe is a whole other level and something only the experienced and knowledgable should consider. When I post I always try and aim it more at the newer folks much like myself who may be running before they walk. Not I feel I must add in a preachy type of way as who am I to preach to anyone. When I see the words "No limits" it's usually from the new and quite young and that worries me a touch as some Doms would quite happily take advantage of that and again it worries me a little. Is it my business to worry for then? Yes it is, I was always like this in vanilla so won't change just because I've changed direction. I feel its the Doms responsibility and duty of care to ensure the wellbeing of his partner yet some just don't care so I hope a little education/opinion/ debate may help those with little knowledge protect themselves a little and move forward enjoying all the community offers armoured against those who only think of self.

[ey****]

I think also.

I think gender and role is a big part in those who describe themselves, or what they're looking for, as "no limits" - so obviously we have people who would describe relationships they have (or had) as no limits which as stated usually comes after a long period and lots of trust building - and that's valid.

I'm just suspect when it comes to those who describe them as no limits as a starting point (there's a meme a very experienced and well know Dominant frequently shares which reads "you say 'no limits' I read 'no knowledge'")

I never really see female subs describe themselves as no limits - but male Dominants whose starting point is no limits, it asks if they're willing to be someone that can be trusted.

 Female Dominants who seek 'no limits' subs - they're pretty much always scammers - they're gonna take the then ghost.

-

But male subs seem to be the most likely to say they're "no limits" and I'm not sure if it's to make them sound tougher, better, supersubs, whatever - or if they're hoping this will open to more options.

But the reality is these are subs that are usually harder work because the Dominant just can't get it out of them where there's mutual interest. Even "OK, what do you particularly enjoy, what is a reward, what is a punishment?" 

But that while there hope might be being made to kiss feet, or flogged, or pissed on - the reality is "OK, anything you say - right now I really need help in my garden.  I need some decorating done.   So on"

And also why I know these subs aren't genuine... anything? OK - find an estate which is largely elderly or disabled people and spend your weekends doing odd jobs for free.  That's helpful servitude. 

[Deleted Member]

1 minute ago, eyemblacksheep said:

(there's a meme a very experienced and well know Dominant frequently shares which reads "you say 'no limits' I read 'no knowledge'")

 

And as always you can express exactly what I mean in a few simple words

[Deleted Member]

56 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

 

-

But male subs seem to be the most likely to say they're "no limits" and I'm not sure if it's to make them sound tougher, better, supersubs, whatever - or if they're hoping this will open to more options. 

I may be completely wrong here but do you think the reason for that is that in a general sense it's easier for a female sub to find a Dom compared to a male sub. They try to themselves more as the choice if you like is less?

Edited July 11, 2020 by Deleted Member
Missed word

[Brittone2]

What are you Sexy Experts like..Can I just say my final little bit..As much as I like having my limits pushed and can understand why someone would enjoy pushing them surely it goes without saying that it would be a complete and utter disaster if the partner you are interacting with ended up in hospital.I know I am stating the obvious but I feel that this point be made crystal clear..

[Deleted Member]

Just now, Brittone2 said:

What are you Sexy Experts like..Can I just say my final little bit..As much as I like having my limits pushed and can understand why someone would enjoy pushing them surely it goes without saying that it would be a complete and utter disaster if the partner you are interacting with ended up in hospital.I know I am stating the obvious but I feel that this point be made crystal clear..

I just like the sound of my own voice 😂.

Seriously though If I put a partner in hospital I don't really know how I would react but a lifetime of celibacy would become an option.

[Brittone2]

5 minutes ago, Donnykinkster said:

I just like the sound of my own voice 😂.

Seriously though If I put a partner in hospital I don't really know how I would react but a lifetime of celibacy would become an option.

😂not just you mate.Eyemblacksheep and there's 5 more no doubt on the way ..and just

to let all 7 of you know I am only joking..

[Brittone2]

I am joking and if any of you don't get the light side of what I'm saying.Let me tell I think it's a good thing that you guys are on the forum.There are a lot of people who have a love of the fetish lifestyle and are alone like myself..It's nice to have places like this where they read about and question their love of the lifestyle and know that they are not alone..

[Leisa]

[Leisa]

Donny not sure why this is happening but none of my quotes are posting and it’s annoying. You are wise beyond your years and your sub will be very lucky indeed.