Swingers Vs. Polyam

[Ro****]

What's is your perceived difference between these two?

To me Swingers are more for the act than the connection. Polyam is more for the connection to enhance the act. Simplified for a generalization.

Is your perception different? I'm genuinely curious as to all the viewpoints out there

Note: inspired by a post on Fetlife-

swingers fuck. polyam people fall.
(And That’s Why We Don’t Always Understand Each Other)
author/writer — @bruisevoice

[Ti****]

Apples and oranges in my opinion. They are completely different lifestyles built upon dramatically different fundamental mindsets/beliefs.

[Ra****]

Swingers are often an exchange of same, though it is a form of polyamory, in most circles; it is not all there is to polyamory; if you want to see a whole chart of relationships, look up the relationship anarchy chart

[Ho****]

56 minutes ago, RavenBlakeFet said:

Swingers are often an exchange of same, though it is a form of polyamory, in most circles; it is not all there is to polyamory; if you want to see a whole chart of relationships, look up the relationship anarchy chart

I wouldn't call swinging a form of polyamory. It is a form of ENM (ethical non-monogamy); polyamory is a different form of ENM.

Polyamory is about relationships. Swinging as far as I know (it isn't my thing) is about sex.

[Ho****]

2 minutes ago, Hotchpotch said:

I wouldn't call swinging a form of polyamory. It is a form of ENM (ethical non-monogamy); polyamory is a different form of ENM.

Polyamory is about relationships. Swinging as far as I know (it isn't my thing) is about sex.

For example I'm polyam - I'm not a swinger, I find idea of swinging offputting. Both involve clear consent with no secrecy but as far as I understand it, that's where the comparison ends.

[On****]

Exploring kink/lifestyle a decade now with experiences in both I've found there's a lot of misconception about polyamory. Both indicate the idea of multiple sexual partners but polyamory is not always sexual, it's more about multiple relationships/ connections.. And of all types! On the other hand I'm not a fan of swinging, IMO it was simply about the act with the bar of consent & negociation set very low, often little or no connection with multiple sexual partners. The other poly misconception is how can you love more than one partner? To me this is nonsense based in societal or religious pressures or perhaps insecurity? Yet if I questioned if you have three kids, which one do you love? People are very quick to claim "it's not the same" Oh? Why?
Something else I have noticed is the use of the term "poly" on dating site profiles when they clearly are not. This only fuels the misconceptions out there unfortunately.

[Ca****]

Singers are about physical pleasure.
Poly people are connected through their minds then bodies if they decide

[Or****]

Poly = you have this, you have this, you have ***, you pay my bills, you fuck me. I get everything I want, screw everybody else. From the outside looking in.

[Ho****]

July 29, kennedy-space34156 said:

Poly = you have this, you have this, you have ***, you pay my bills, you fuck me. I get everything I want, screw everybody else. From the outside looking in.

A friend of mine (who's monogamous) described poly as "You aren't trying to find everything you need in one person." The description that's closer is: "You aren't trying to *be everything* to one person." (Sounds like you've got the former idea of it and/or have met someone practising selfishly or without everyone involved being considered equally.)

When I first recognised that I'm poly and started living it, a huge difference that I hadn't anticipated was the relief of not having to strive to *be everything* for one person: companion, emotional support, decision sharer, sexual partner, and if we lasted long-term also blending domestically, financially - everything. It's ok if our libidos are a mismatch, or they have a kink I'm not into - I can support them finding that with someone else, and relax that I'm not letting them down by being less than keen on it myself. It's ok if I fancy a romantic city break hitting the museums and theatres, but they're turned off by that stuff - I'll get my culture fix with another partner, knowing this one's happy for me having a great time in a way they couldn't have provided.

That's the difference between relationship and any kind of connection that's only sex or play. (Which are fine, simply not for me; I'm polyam, not up for those other kinds of ENM.)

Trouble is, a lot of people have got half the message and out poly on their profiles without realising it isn't just licence to sow your wild oats without anyone having the right to mind - involves real work like any real relationship does, but multiplied by the number of relationships.

[Or****]

My grandparents were married for 70+years. I wanted that now than anything, nobody is trying to be everything for one person. It's working together to be the best you possible, problem now is people are impatient. They have no idea what delayed gratification is, instant pleasure.

[Ho****]

Yesterday at 11:22 AM, kennedy-space34156 said:

My grandparents were married for 70+years. I wanted that now than anything, nobody is trying to be everything for one person. It's working together to be the best you possible, problem now is people are impatient. They have no idea what delayed gratification is, instant pleasure.

Polyamory does not mean impatience, short term, lack of commitment, any of that. Where in "I can support them in finding that" do you read not working together? Or instant gratification? ONS and NSA are limits for me, and more to the point, are nothing to do with polyamory.

You're monogamous, your grandparents were monogamous, it works for you, that's great. I'm polyamorous, that's great. I'm not monogamous and no amount of living according to monogamous tradition changes that. Any more than being married to a woman ever made a gay man heterosexual in the history of society.

I have not there's anything wrong with your monogamy, I'm not trying to convert you or anyone to polyamory if it isn't right for you. Yet you're telling me my polyamory is wrong without even a clear idea of what it is.

Please make sure you know what you're talking about before you pass judgement on a stranger's (i) orientation (ii) lifestyle choices. Or at the very least hear what they tell to you in this very conversation before telling them that something which they don't do anyway is wrong.