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how much is to much


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sorry first time doing this so may sound weird and random but its in my sub head and I think you can all advise or get lost but ill try my best.

how much should a sub divulge

I find myself telling everything warts and all, past present and ins and outs

question is

should I be not so honest and open and hide a few things make sir work for his sub

yes known on here for opening my gob to much but that's me I was held in a vanilla relationship for so long now I feel free

im not scared now to open up on line or even face to face (before I wouldn't say boo to a goose)

but I open up to much give my life (only to those I trust)

so I think im trying to say is to much of you to much for a dom or hide just a little bit make them work

im so sorry if ths sounds rubbish but first time and have challenge to write a wee story so me being me I thought id start here


thank you anyone who replies and any advice is welcome or to make my knowledge more higher I thank you



As long as you are comfortable with your Dom opening up is great. It depends on the trust level.


Hey :). Don’t feel silly for asking or seeking advice, it’s a sign of a good submissive (in my opinion) to want to do research and want to get things right. For me (similarly to the other comment) the DS relationship is heavily dependent on trust anyway so I will assume your Dom is someone you trust and have good history with anyway and when you have that, I would say go for it! It feels natural to want to tell the person who you hand over a lot of control and trust to - all the things about you. And the more he knows about you, your past, your triggers, your desires then it should all help him be able to achieve certain experiences for your benefit. At least in my case, my Dom actively encourages me to be forthcoming with him and active in telling him what I want, what I think about and curious about etc. And I always reap the rewards of that in the long run. Hope that helps, I’m by no means a pro but that’s at least my experience xx


I’m guilty of this too, I fall hard and fast giving away too much too soon. I mean it may not be too much too soon if I’ve found the one but unfortunately I haven’t yet and there’s a handful of Doms on here that know things about me I now wish they didn’t. I say... do you, be you, own you! How can you give yourself away to a Dom if you don’t own what you’re giving? 💗


Sub, ive learnt very quickly the true complexity of the bdsm relationship.

Such a very fine and almost invisible  line between right and wrong.

we dance on the very edge of the fire..

I believe this can only ever be achieved between people who are actually friends and have a genuine concern for each other.

Such complex interaction demands care and attention.

I said to  a newb the other night in the forum  (frightened his friends might discover  his kinkiness)

"if you're scared that your friends might truly understand you then they are not your friends.."



As. Domme I love getting to know the little pieces of info from everyday life. The real down to earth the sad the happy. Real everyday stuff. Any sub I may use either now or in the future I have to be mindful of any slight change within them. To me their life is in my hands and I am very aware of that. It can get very intense very quickly I need to be able to manage all your needs even when your unable to.
As for kinks and fetishes I want to know what you like or don’t both can be used or not, as treats or punishment. What I’m more concerned with is the false info given from assholes after a quickie but both sides are guilty of that and I guess always will be.


Hi SS it’s a tough line between how much is too much too soon and how much is not enough. As with any relationship a bond needs to be formed as friends before anything further can develop. In order for that to happen you need to share some of the pieces that make you who you are. That being said intimate details of your life need to wait until you feel safe enough and have developed that trust where you feel comfortable revealing exactly what makes you who you are. I tend to hold back until someone gets through the walls I’ve built up over the years. There’s only one person on here that knows all my warts and faults and even though we’re no longer in a D/s relationship (that’s for another time) I fully trust him with that information as I know even now he’d never think of betraying me. Though not in our dynamic we are still close friends and will remain that way. It took awhile to reveal lots of stuff to him and it was a slow process that evolved the greater our dynamic grew. Share only what you’d be comfortable with someone new knowing being aware that if it doesn’t work out you have given this person power through knowledge. Dynamics are built on trust but complete trust takes time.


I am a warts and all type person,  I dislike secrets and prefer to put it all out there on the table, come what may.  I feel if someone can't take me for the person I am, then they are not someone I want in my life whether it be in our kinky or vanilla world.  I'm sure I do over share way too much but then I wouldn't be me if I held that part of me back.  For me I think its what sits right with you at the end of the day on what you choose to share or don't share and if you do make the decision to share not to live in regret as a result.


Hi SS.  From a dominants perspective, I need to know everything about my submissive, I need to know what makes her tick, I need to know her as well as she knows herself, or even more so.  How am I going to give her what she needs or craves if I don't truly know her, warts and all.  Having said that, I agree with @Leisa.  I do NOT expect to know everything in our initial meeting, and I do NOT expect you would have full trust in me right from the get go, but the process of building trust should start then.  As you would get to know me, and I get to know you, then there would be deeper and more meaningful discussions.

It would appear that to me from your post, that your weary of actually scaring prospective dominants off because your so out there with what you want to tell them about yourself, much like my friend @little_dark_princess.  All I can say to that girl, is still tell them about yourself, but do it in phases where a level of trust is established at each phase.  We are all special in our own way, and for you and others, you need to accept that point.  It is like beauty in that our attractiveness or how special we are, are in the eyes of others, and hopefully they will realise and see that true value in us.  If you scare someone off because you are being yourself, I would ask, did they turn off because of overload of information that they were being hit with or was it because they couldn't see a connection.  Only YOU can answer that point.  As I said above, release information in phases, and build trust in phases, but be open and honest when asked specifics.

The other point I would like to make, is that this getting to know process and learning, is a two-way street, so don't be afraid to ask questions of the prospective dominant, because these answers you get will help you to determine are they worthy of you, are they being truthful and honest with you, and how are they processing the information that your sharing with them, and finally, is there a basis for building trust in and with them.   


In any relationship, knowing about each other is the keystone to that relationship, but if you met someone on a first date and they brought their family photo album, school reports, medical info, etc with them it would be a bit much all at once. As reationships develop you get to know each other more, telling more, listening to the other, good conversations, but it takes time (in my opinion). But as we all know, everyone is different, i drip feed information, can be quite guarded at times, some people are the open book but thats what makes life fun, everyone is different and the getting to know others is the fun part.

Posted (edited)

I'm a slow builder in what I tell people, if I feel I can trust you I'll tell you everything warts and all. I was told for years not to say anything as I was in an abusive relationship for years where I was told never to tell anyone what was happening etc. It took me years to finally trust people enough to tell them, and with @Liam52 my Sir I slowly told him and opened up to him about my past as our dynamic grew!!! He now knows all and I never ever keep anything from him. When it's a new relationship I love when you're getting to know each other at the beginning that to me is how you become friends first then dynamic/relationship after. Don't be afraid to get to know them like @MossyBoy says ask questions get to know them fully and let them know you fully too.

I'm very much like @PixieDust with the sense that take me as I am if you don't like me then 🤷🏻‍♀️ not my fault 😂 you know where the door is I'm not gonna change for anyone. 

Edited by lil-monster

It would seem we are all in agreement.....

They have to be a friend.

There has to be trust.

This can only happen when we are open with them AND ourselves.

Remember.....there is no rush....take time and build real friendships first based solely on truth.



Trust is the big issue here. In the D/s relationships I've had there has been a lot of information divulged on both sides. I've made it clear when relationships end, what I know about them stays with me and vice versa. As lots of people have already said, don't rush and choose your Dom wisely.


I've found in our dom/brat relationship the more open and honest you are about serial preferences etc the better the experiences/role plays can be. Without having discussions your dom wouldn't know what your soft/hard limits are or how far to go ie funishments/punishments you enjoy or dislike ie some like bondage such as rope play but wouldn't go so far as collar, cuffs etc.

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