New sub looking for some advice

[Su****]

Heyyy, new sub here! I’m in a D/s relationship and just very new to BDSM and looking for some tips/advice.

Subs: what’s something you know now you wish you could tell the younger you?

Doms: what’s something you always like to tell your subs when you’re first getting started?

Thank you!

[Deleted Member]

Sub answer: Saying No is always in your power.

Dom answer: You are safe, if anything is uncomfortable you will not lose anything for saying so.

[Se****]

Always...ALWAYS establish a safe word before anything starts at all. And it is a really good idea to discuss both what you are looking for in the immediate moment and what is a possibility occasionally with you so there are no surprises at all.

[ra****]

Don’t rush through the vetting process in any situation, but in one that is a power exchange dynamic in particular.

Be aware that your age alone will make you a target for men who will believe you will be easy to manipulate or control for the wrong reasons.

Make sure YOU are aware of the reasons WHY you are interested in exploring a d/s dynamic and are confident enough to articulate those as well as advocate for yourself when it comes to personal boundaries or limits.

Have a good idea of what types of situations might potentially trigger you as well as how you react in moments when this happens, especially when it can often happen unexpectedly when there might be an unfair advantage when it comes to an imbalance of power.

Understand that a Dom with any knowledge and experience recognizes that submission is not only a choice, but it’s a privilege that needs to be earned and maintained through a foundation of mutual trust and trust respect.

No real Dom will command you to kneel before him without knowing that’s not something he is automatically entitled to be respected enough to receive.

[No****]

Don’t do anything just to make your dom happy

[No****]

Or like you feel it’s something you should be doing

[der_Professor]

Doms view:
Trust me, feel comfortable and be honest. If you don’t like it, you the safe words we agreed upon.
If you like it - I will know.
And I’m sure you will like it.

[Deleted Member]

Firstly a Dom should always gain your trust, second communication from both sides is key a sub sets up their boundaries and a Dom learns what he can and can't push. There are hard limits, which never can be pushed and soft limits something your unsure of but are willing, those are the ones we learn to push slightly. Sort of a try-out method. There's no real right or wrong way for a dynamic to work. We are all different, with diffrent ideologies of how things work. Find what you like and what works for you guys and have fun with it!

[Da****]

Gosh being dom i feel like i am the first to admit in all of my relationships that i need aftercare too. Like i need that communication otherwise i slowly start losing confidence and even feel like i’m a bad dom so good aftercare is huge.

[an****]

Be 100% honest of what u want and don't want. Let your partner know what you want don't be afraid to say what turns you and what doesn't. Keep an opened mind and be and active listener and remember as long as it is all participants are adults who can consent p there is no shame, it's not bad or evil. And remember have fun enjoy and don't worry about are you doing it right, because there is no wrong way.

[Deleted Member]

Have fun and enjoy the ride…try new things…if don’t like them then they become a limit…and don’t be scared to use your safe word!

[De****]

I always mention when I am begining. My only goal os to create a safe space that you feel comfortable safe respected and cherished. This space will allow you to spread your wings sort of speak and grow into the best version of you... I hope that makes sense and helps

[Th****]

As a dom I’d say it’s important to establish trust and a connection. Make sure limits and roles are clear

[DD****]

Communication is key. Talk about your limits and interests, safe words, scope of the dynamic or relationship. Just be honest with yourself and your Dom.

[br****]

Sub answer: Communication and consent. Especially when learning, discuss the play/scene before hand. Your Dom must always ask and confirm consent. Develop safe words to communicate when things are becoming uncomfortable..

[Mi****]

As a sub, you hold much more power than you think. Make sure you get enough aftercare

[Wi****]

There’s another site that has a group just for this purpose.

[NoLeashKitten]

Discuss everything in detail prior. Expectations, needs and boundaries!! Communication is a must.

[La****]

It's dangerous to go alone, take this... 🚥

[Ti****]

Have a clear time in which you talk with your partner and redefine what you like and don't like about the past week month w/e. Don't be afraid to be open about anything talk about it all the good and bad, or new interests. Then you can fall back into roles after.

[Si****]

If at any point you are not enjoying something I’m I’m doing then speak up and tell me as communication is important in a Dom/sub dynamic.

[ra****]

2 hours ago, DaddyKing1111 said:

Gosh being dom i feel like i am the first to admit in all of my relationships that i need aftercare too. Like i need that communication otherwise i slowly start losing confidence and even feel like i’m a bad dom so good aftercare is huge.

👏 👏👏 thank you for sharing this from a male perspective. I don’t like speaking on behalf of men so I always worry that my words come off as one sided or selfish ❤️

[ha****]

From a Doms perspective always be vocal say how your feeling don’t be afraid to use safe words. Let it be known what you like and don’t like. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries and rules. I prefer the traffic light safe words with my subs. Very easy to use

[Bo****]

Figure out a simple method for communicating what want during the experience. For example I limit my partners to 4 words. Harder, Softer, Faster, and Slower.

[Deleted Member]

When I am first talking with a submissive, I make sure to tell them to be honest and communicate. Initial communication is what sets hard and soft limits and lets you get to know the person. Also, it's important to know someone on a vanilla level to see if you actually get along and like them before you try and do anything inside of a dynamic