Time together

[Deleted Member]

Is it unreasonable to want to spend time with your Dom outside of the bedroom? Things like having dinner, drinks maybe watching a movie or cuddling. Would these things seem to needy to ask for?

[xm****]

It would be unreasonable not to.

[po****]

Did a shitty Dom tell you you're being needy for asking for these things?

[jj****]

I think that’s a pretty normal thing to ask for

[po****]

It's not unreasonable but some people just sent to use someone sexually and not be around them outside of that. Some people are okay with that kinda relationship but i wouldn't ever settle for that again. Been there done that

[bl****]

I think it depends on the dynamic you have but I would say no its not to needy

[Da****]

Not at all. I like to spend time with my subs outside the bedroom too. It helps tighten the bond in my opinion.

[pr****]

Not at all

[bi****]

No not at all I spend time with my submissive/life partner.. she's my world , she's my everything I love her so much.. and when we finish the scene the aftercare is my favorite part she has shown her will to submit and respect and strength to take my discipline and direction I'm so proud of her I've pushed her limits and tested them so of course I take care of her I feed her I take care of her she's my submissive.. as she takes care of my needs and wants it's about mutual respect and understanding I guess it depends on the level of commitment and understanding of respect you to share so I don't think it's weird at all.

[Deleted Member]

I think that’s what you’re supposed to do. It’s more of a deep relationship not a hook up usually so outside of the sex usually that’s aligned with general connection too. Again these are just my thoughts.

[Li****]

Not if you're looking for an actual relationship. Sounds like they may wanna keep you on the DL or just in the bedroom.

I had. To go years feeling high maintenance and needy just cuz I wanted basic attention and dates like this. Don't let them make you feel bad.

[vi****]

No, not at all but the question that raises is.. what sort of D is yours.. what’s the dynamic.. is it a ‘pleasure or bedroom’ one or is it a 24/7 lifestyle.. I’m a 24/7 type.. the dynamic doesn’t stop outside of the bedroom.. it flows through to all aspects of , what we call vanilla life.. it’s something that may require clarification from your D....

[Rh****]

Absolutely not, I love my Dom and he loves me. The relationship is built on trust. How can you build that trust without those building blocks?

[Re****]

Ask him out! You’re just describing a regular date, nothing to be afraid of.

[Ai****]

After care is important to repair and return to safety with your partner.

If you’re looking to actually bring your Dom/Sub playground relationship into these other parts of your life, communicate openly and consider leaving cues like a specific cup you are going to drink out of when you want to be dominated, a position you’ll sit in to get their attention, etc… from there, maybe your Dom can establish some rules and funishments for breaking them. It doesn’t have to be sexual. It could be a time out, sending you to sit on the floor, making you demonstrate submission in some other way.

It’s all about communication. When you two figure out the rules, rewards and consequences, the power dynamic can absolutely be brought out of the bedroom.

This being said, consent is key. If they just want a break, Thats ok too.

[bi****]

These are all great responses... It's about communication at the end of the day you got to be honest and clear and concise in what you want what your submissive is looking for what you are looking for and what you expect out of them and most of all you both have to agree it's all what you want if you want to strictly keep it in the bedroom and not get emotionally involved and you're just doing a scene and that is it no more and that's your dynamic.. as for myself and others I see 24/7 I live this lifestyle I have different collars for her, I give her assignments and chores and tasks and this pleases her.. and so forth it's whatever works for you and the other person.. it's a beautiful thing when the two working synergy... I believe this is why we choose this life ( big smile 😁)

[gh****]

What's wrong with going out

[Deleted Member]

A Dom worth their title doesn’t clock out when the scene ends. Control, presence, and care are not costumes one put on for an hour and hang up after play.... they’re carried into every part of the connection.

If a sub asks for time outside the bedroom ...dinner, a drink, a quiet night watching a movie...that’s not being needy. That’s being human. That’s how you build trust that fuels everything else.

Here’s the truth: if a Dom can’t show up outside of play, they’ve only mastered theatrics, not dominance. Because the power isn’t just in the rope, the cane, or the command. It’s in the consistency. It’s in proving you can hold the dynamic when the lights are low and when life is loud.

So no...you aren't asking too much. Your asking for the bare minimum of what real dominance looks like.

[Deleted Member]

I’ll add this: a true Dom isn’t only Dom between four walls. If your dynamic only exists in the bedroom, it isn’t a dynamic....it’s roleplay. Presence, care, and consistency outside the scene are what make the power exchange real. If you ever feel silenced in wanting time, that’s not dominance, that’s neglect. Your voice matters. And if your partner doesn’t create space for that, then what you have isn’t D/s, it’s a costume they wear when it suits them.

[Do****]

I couldn't have said it better. He is exactly right. A Dom who has no interest outside the bedroom in playing and is not a Dom. You asking for time and connection outside the bedroom is NOT needy and shame on him if he makes you feel that way. You need that external connection to build the trust and bond to have the full potential of the dynamic.

[Da****]

No

[ne****]

That’s some true and wise advice. It’s all right but it’s rare it’s practiced.

[Fi****]

Everyone seems to have summed it up perfectly 👍

[ti****]

No, it is necessary to spend time together with your partner as it helps to build trust.

[La****]

Not needy at all. Especially if you have a good bond with your dom, its more than necessary. It’s just a lot of times, most ppl only want to get off, so they dont want to involve in domestic or wholesome part of the connection. So if youre into that, always communicate and state your wants and needs.