Time together

[Ki****]

Nothing wrong with it at all. Many of us prefer someone we can connect with beyond the dungeon.

[ni****]

I do wish this thread had come up at the beginning of my journey. The answer has been wonderfully explained so i would like to say thank you for bringing this question up and thank you to those who answered
Trying to navigate around Fake Doms or cosplayers it seems is hard

[theSir_ObservingU]

It gets boring if it’s always the same. I like to change things up and spend time doing diffent stuff. And occasionally spice those things up. Like with a lush or but plug

[Da****]

Oh wow so much here to unpack. A Dom would want to spend time with his submissive outside of the bedroom. A Dom that is only a bedroom Dom is a big red flag. Now keep in mind there is a different set of rules when out in public, than in the bedroom. When my sub and I are in public she is to use public approved terminology, ie; instead of calling me Sir or Daddy in public she will use terms like honey dear or anything that will not draw attention to our dynamic. She is to wear her day collar in public. She is to adhere to public protocol and standards. In a restaurant she is allowed to place her own order. Of course it is after we have a discreet conversation. Sorry got off topic. Anyways your Dom should want to spend time with you out in public. It should be natural for him to want to do so. There is nothing needy about wanting to do something you want to do. If your Dom does not want to do things outside of the bedroom, he is one selfish, two hiding something or three ashamed of you being his submissive. The list can go on and on. Now if he has told you you're being to needy then it's time to get out. It is the Doms job to make sure his sub is happy. If that means going out somewhere then he does it. Sorry I am on a rant here. It definitely is not being needy.

[ki****]

No. As a sub I feel like this is how you build a connection. Both my parents were married and divorced before they met each other and both lacked watching movies and cuddling. Their marriage didn’t last long and custody court sucks. So I believe if a relationship is going to work in and out of the bedroom watching movies and cuddling is a must. That and I love cuddles

[th****]

I would say these are things that needed in a relationship. And they help the relationship grow stronger

[NO****]

I guess that depends on the type of relationship you and the dom have. Is just for the scene of is it more of a romatic relationship think this needs to be a discussion between the two parties to keep everyone on the same page and make sure it works for the both of you

[OB****]

Simple answer - Absolutely not.
My own viewpoint is, how can I expect a sub to allow me to dominate (and whatever that entails) in a kink setting if they don’t know that they’re respected and cared for in a vanilla one.

[so****]

Absolutely not!

[Deleted Member]

No of course not I think many people want that tbh

[No****]

Not at all. Personally, you can’t have a bedroom only relationship with someone that’s meaningful or lasts or is satisfying. There has to be some kind of existing connection outside of it even if it’s just a solid friendship. Those connections and other little moments are what makes the bedroom more intense and Intimate. That’s where the passion behind it comes from. Otherwise it’s just performing and end up being an empty exchange. Too much of that and it fades out fast, in my opinion.

[Jo****]

Its a good thing to do. It helps with creating a closer bond between the two of you

[9i****]

That’s a time restraint and not good for that type of relationship. A closer bond is not a good thing. Unless you just trying to date that person. Then I recommend dating instead of trying to find a hobbyist

[9i****]

The lines start to blur and problems start to surface. It’s better to keep it to that. Less problems in general and more fun.

[9i****]

2 hours ago, kippi435jj6 said:

No. As a sub I feel like this is how you build a connection. Both my parents were married and divorced before they met each other and both lacked watching movies and cuddling. Their marriage didn’t last long and custody court sucks. So I believe if a relationship is going to work in and out of the bedroom watching movies and cuddling is a must. That and I love cuddles

That’s the thing that’s confusing. This is more of a business transaction and you put personal emotions into it that’s the problem with getting closer. Specially if you ain’t trying to date that person

[Th****]

No not at all. If it is something you have both discussed before. Being in D/s is a intense connection. Even if there is no romance. I spend days with my subs that are not necessarily kinky. It is just time to connect and form a deeper bond.

[ic****]

No, what kind of question is this? Of course you should spend time other than sex with your partner

[Od****]

6 minutes ago, TheTemptingRedQueen said:

No not at all. If it is something you have both discussed before. Being in D/s is a intense connection. Even if there is no romance. I spend days with my subs that are not necessarily kinky. It is just time to connect and form a deeper bond.

This exactly. Even just sitting and talking over a cup of coffee for an hour can give you a bit of insight into a sub's state of mind, if you are paying attention. As I said on another thread, a Dom wears many hats, and sometimes this is one of them.

[Bi****]

Not at all. These things should be discussed before starting a D/s relationship. It's important that your Dom aligns with what you want from that dynamic.

[xLittle_Lady_of_Lotx]

It's not needy x

[9i****]

It’s absolutely needy

[9i****]

57 minutes ago, Oddball79 said:

This exactly. Even just sitting and talking over a cup of coffee for an hour can give you a bit of insight into a sub's state of mind, if you are paying attention. As I said on another thread, a Dom wears many hats, and sometimes this is one of them.

Not at all. That’s how lines start to blur. That means cut off and find another. It’s super needy to want to do those things that are exclusive to dating someone. There has to be clear lines and they are not meant to be crossed for very good reasons.

[do****]

@kitykat I think every D/S relationship can be anything both parties agree on. I have had that with my S and we both enjoyed it. However there may be others who don’t. The way I see it if you’re in this special relationship you should be able to have an open discussion with them to see how they feel about it. It’s not needy if you both enjoy it. Some ppl use the term “needy” loosely.

[Ai****]

Re-reading my response, and seeing the other comments here, I may have misunderstood the question.

A Dom/Sub relationship is not necessarily the only defining characteristic of a relationship. You are both equally involved in the relationship, and if your Dom is not showing respect or care for you and your needs outside the bedroom, that could be a red flag, and a sign of incompatibility.

I said before that they may just want a break, and it’s ok to want a break. But if that time apart feels like neglect to you, then there is a problem that needs to be addressed or avoided. Stay safe, take care of yourself, and don’t forget that being a sub is still a position of power where you WILLINGLY give up control on your own terms. There is a different between being a Dom/Sub and simply being in a neglectful or abusive relationship.

[Od****]

22 minutes ago, 9inchesofun said:

Not at all. That’s how lines start to blur. That means cut off and find another. It’s super needy to want to do those things that are exclusive to dating someone. There has to be clear lines and they are not meant to be crossed for very good reasons.

Then that is something that needs communicated in during negotiations.
Nothing wrong with being incompatible with someone. Nothing wrong with an only play dynamic, but set that boundary early on, and if that's not what they are looking for, then wish them luck and move on.