Calling all Jokers and Punsters.

[Th****]

Yes, it is here at last.

It is the Fetish opportunity to type up your favourite Jokes, Gags, Dad Jokes and Puns.

And just throw them in below.

Make a kinkster smile or groan today..... With the jokes  

 

"I entered 10 puns into a contest hoping one would win,"

"But no pun in ten did."   
 

Edited September 1, 2020 by Thebian
Grammar + spelling

[Koby]

You are flogging a dead horses with this topic.

Boom Boom

 

How can you tell which is the head nurse? She's the one with the dirty knees.

source: jokes4us

Edited September 1, 2020 by FETMOD-TF
External link removed

[Th****]

@Koby

IKR, 

Dead horses like it...

I must admit the head nurse one made me titter.

[Deleted Member]

Um. I only have one and it’s not kinky!
Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac? He lay awake all night and wondered if there really was a
dog. 😬

[Kriss123]

2 dogs sat in the living room,
One of them says I am feeling sad today,
Can you tell me a joke and cheer me up..?
The other dog says Knock Knock...
Bark Bark..!!Woof Woof..!!Bark Bark..!!
Woof Woof..!! Bark Bark..!!Woof Woof..!!

[Kriss123]

I was talking/messaging with a Mistress the other night,she asked if I had ever served a Mistress before..?
I replied honestly,no I haven't ...
Chris,what would you say if I said I wanted to Peg you..?
Eh..?Errr...I'd say I want to Peg you too..
Oh Peggy Sue,Well I love you so,
My Peggy Sue...

[PixieDust]

My one and only joke that I can remember the punchline for:

 

Whats the difference between a Snow-man and Snow-woman? ⛄⛄⛄

Snowballs ❄❄❄❄ 😋

 

As for puns, here's a couple that make me giggle:

 

"I want to be cremated as it is my last hope for a smoking hot body"  🧍‍♀️

"Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience"  👀

"Velcro....what a rip off" 🤦‍♀️

"I used to be a banker, but I lost interest" 💰

"Need an Ark? I Noah Guy" 😋

  😁🧚‍♀️

[VoyagerX]

I always wanted to be an octopus.... until I found out it was spelt 'tenticals'!

[li****]

Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea

 

I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case

 

My dog can do magic tricks. It’s a labracadabrador.

 

You’re becoming a vegetarian? I think that’s a big missed steak.

 

I used to have a *** of hurdles, but I got over it.

[Wo****]

1 hour ago, VoyagerX said:

I always wanted to be an octopus.... until I found out it was spelt 'tenticals'!

Just told him it's actually spelt "tentacles"

 

His response "Doh!" 😆

[Wo****]

 

"You’re becoming a vegetarian? I think that’s a big missed steak"

😆😆😆

Love this!

[ol****]

Light travels faster than sound. Thats why some people appear bright until they open their mouths.

 

[li****]

1 hour ago, Bounty said:

 

"You’re becoming a vegetarian? I think that’s a big missed steak"

😆😆😆

Love this!

My favourite that one 😂😂

[Pe****]

Not really puns, I'm not sure what you'd call them, but hopefully someone will laugh.

 

What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny prostitute? 

One of them's a phoney buck...

 

What's the difference between a short sighted sniper and a constipated owl? 

One of them shoots but can't hit...

[Bo****]

I had 12" tattooed on my penis. ....but i don't use it as a rule!

i am Upton Park!....a couple of ' tube ' stops short off Barking....

equestrian Jedi?..... " may the horse be with you,Luke"

shed happens!

 

[Phoenyx]

A man sits at a bar stool, as his truly-tiny, foot-tall companion climbs up onto the bar.  The man pulls a small, toy piano from a case, and places it in front of his Lilliputian companion.  The companion proceeds to play the most elegant classical compositions, like a true virtuoso.

The bartender is stunned.  "That's amazing!", he remarks.  "How did you two meet?"

The man then tells the story:  "I was walking along the beach, when I spotted this antique bottle, washed-up on the shore.  When I pulled the cork, this Genie popped out.  'Thank you so much, for releasing me!', the Genie said.  'As your reward, I will grant you your fondest wish.'  Well, that Genie must have been in that bottle an awful long time---as he had become rather hard-of-hearing.  He thought that I said, 'a twelve-inch pianist!'"

[Phoenyx]

I was asked if I knew what an "A-Bomb" was.  I replied, "That's what I call just-about every show that I now see on TV!"

I decided to book a flight back to California.  The agent said, "Would you like a round trip?"  I asked if she had any square ones.

[St****]

A man walks up to a librarian and asks, "Do you have any books on Pavlov's dogs and Schrödinger's cat?" The librarian responds, "It rings a bell but I'm not sure if it's here or not."

 

Pavlov is sitting at a pub enjoying a pint. The phone rings and he jumps up shouting, "Oh s---, I forgot to feed the dog!"

[VoyagerX]

Got chatting to a guy in the pub the other day who told me he was a pediatrician.

Well..... I can't say I agree... but I admire his honesty!

[VoyagerX]

Ok.

Q: What's red and sits in a corner? 😜

A: A VERY, VERY naughty strawberry!

 

[Bo****]

So.......

Q: what's brown & sticky?

A: a stick......

[Wo****]

Fish swims into a wall...

"Damn!"

[Wo****]

What's the definition of illegal? 

A sick bird.

[Phoenyx]

What do you get when you cross a penis with a potato?

A "Dictator".

[sm****]

Never shock lepers. Their jaws might drop.