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Calling all Jokers and Punsters.


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Posted (edited)

Yes, it is here at last.

It is the Fetish opportunity to type up your favourite Jokes, Gags, Dad Jokes and Puns.

And just throw them in below.

Make a kinkster smile or groan today..... With the jokes  ;)


"I entered 10 puns into a contest hoping one would win,"

"But no pun in ten did."   :P

Edited by Thebian
Grammar + spelling
Posted (edited)

You are flogging a dead horses with this topic.

Boom Boom


How can you tell which is the head nurse? She's the one with the dirty knees.

source: jokes4us

Edited by FETMOD-TF
External link removed



Dead horses like it...

I must admit the head nurse one made me titter.


Um. I only have one and it’s not kinky!
Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac? He lay awake all night and wondered if there really was a
dog. 😬


2 dogs sat in the living room,
One of them says I am feeling sad today,
Can you tell me a joke and cheer me up..?
The other dog says Knock Knock...
Bark Bark..!!Woof Woof..!!Bark Bark..!!
Woof Woof..!! Bark Bark..!!Woof Woof..!!


I was talking/messaging with a Mistress the other night,she asked if I had ever served a Mistress before..?
I replied honestly,no I haven't ...
Chris,what would you say if I said I wanted to Peg you..?
Eh..?Errr...I'd say I want to Peg you too..
Oh Peggy Sue,Well I love you so,
My Peggy Sue...


My one and only joke that I can remember the punchline for:


Whats the difference between a Snow-man and Snow-woman? 

Snowballs ❄❄❄❄ 😋


As for puns, here's a couple that make me giggle:


"I want to be cremated as it is my last hope for a smoking hot body"  🧍‍♀️

"Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience"  👀

"Velcro....what a rip off" 🤦‍♀️

"I used to be a banker, but I lost interest" 💰

"Need an Ark? I Noah Guy" 😋



I always wanted to be an octopus.... until I found out it was spelt 'tenticals'!


Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea


I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case


My dog can do magic tricks. It’s a labracadabrador.


You’re becoming a vegetarian? I think that’s a big missed steak.


I used to have a *** of hurdles, but I got over it.

1 hour ago, VoyagerX said:

I always wanted to be an octopus.... until I found out it was spelt 'tenticals'!

Just told him it's actually spelt "tentacles"


His response "Doh!" 😆



"You’re becoming a vegetarian? I think that’s a big missed steak"


Love this!


Light travels faster than sound. Thats why some people appear bright until they open their mouths.


1 hour ago, Bounty said:


"You’re becoming a vegetarian? I think that’s a big missed steak"


Love this!

My favourite that one 😂😂


Not really puns, I'm not sure what you'd call them, but hopefully someone will laugh.


What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny prostitute? 

One of them's a phoney buck...


What's the difference between a short sighted sniper and a constipated owl? 

One of them shoots but can't hit...


I had 12" tattooed on my penis. ....but i don't use it as a rule!

i am Upton Park!....a couple of ' tube ' stops short off Barking....

equestrian Jedi?..... " may the horse be with you,Luke"

shed happens!



A man sits at a bar stool, as his truly-tiny, foot-tall companion climbs up onto the bar.  The man pulls a small, toy piano from a case, and places it in front of his Lilliputian companion.  The companion proceeds to play the most elegant classical compositions, like a true virtuoso.

The bartender is stunned.  "That's amazing!", he remarks.  "How did you two meet?"

The man then tells the story:  "I was walking along the beach, when I spotted this antique bottle, washed-up on the shore.  When I pulled the cork, this Genie popped out.  'Thank you so much, for releasing me!', the Genie said.  'As your reward, I will grant you your fondest wish.'  Well, that Genie must have been in that bottle an awful long time---as he had become rather hard-of-hearing.  He thought that I said, 'a twelve-inch pianist!'"


I was asked if I knew what an "A-Bomb" was.  I replied, "That's what I call just-about every show that I now see on TV!"

I decided to book a flight back to California.  The agent said, "Would you like a round trip?"  I asked if she had any square ones.


A man walks up to a librarian and asks, "Do you have any books on Pavlov's dogs and Schrödinger's cat?" The librarian responds, "It rings a bell but I'm not sure if it's here or not."


Pavlov is sitting at a pub enjoying a pint. The phone rings and he jumps up shouting, "Oh s---, I forgot to feed the dog!"


Got chatting to a guy in the pub the other day who told me he was a pediatrician.

Well..... I can't say I agree... but I admire his honesty!



Q: What's red and sits in a corner? 😜

A: A VERY, VERY naughty strawberry!




Q: what's brown & sticky?

A: a stick......


What do you get when you cross a penis with a potato?

A "Dictator".

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