Asking a dom personal questions?

[Mo****]

It's all about consent. If you don't feel comfortable in a current situation you have a right to express it if it wasn't what you signed up for. If you want to be a sub that's perfectly fine but it depends on how much you're willing to give. If you like when your dom orders you around (like servant/master) then find a dom willing to do it. If you don't feel safe with some demands or questions then you need to talk and set boundaries. This is supposed to satisfy and be enjoyed by both kinky sides and both need to respect each other's preferred arrangement and it seems you're trying to build something. If it turns out you both are looking for different situations then I suggest moving on.
Again it's about consent and you have a right to push back if you feel necessary. I was stuck in an abusive situation for years and didn't consent to most of it. I tried to set boundaries way too late and finally had to courage to cut it off. I'd hate to see someone end up there too.

[sw****]

Consent trumps etiquette 100% of the time. Non-negotiable.

[Deleted Member]

This is 💯% 🚩 level. Dom/Sub relationships is still a relationship and is supposed to have a foundation of communication and trust. This does not seem to have that, otherwise you wouldn't be asking this (or this "dom" just has no clue how to be one and is just more so being abusive instead). Set boundaries and stick to them

[Fu****]

This sounds like an extortion scam in the making
No is a complete sentence

Doing things you don't like isn't being a good "sub"

[zo****]

Why do some
Subs think they have zero ability to express discomfort ? I get sometimes it’s sexy to tell a sub to deal with it but no by any means on anything you as a Dom decide to do. Limits are important. There needs to be a long deep discussion about the dynamic. Good luck . There are plenty of Doms out there and you really need to be fully comfortable with yours. My subs will never be forbidden from discussing things like this. Being comfortable in a dynamic is good for both parties. If it’s only entirely about the other party then you’re being used. Don’t get me wrong some people enjoy THAT dynamic however if it wasn’t expressed and discussed in the beginning then there will be problems in the long run. Be true to yourself with wants, needs and limitations.

[un****]

If you feel unsafe, that's a line and you have to draw it. This isn't about doing everything. There are limits for each person. And recognizing and setting them as you discover them is important. A Dom that doesn't respect that isn't right for you. And probably isn't a good Dom at all.

[zo****]

At least that’s how i feel about it

[Fu****]

4 minutes ago, zombiejager said:

Why do some
Subs think they have zero ability to express discomfort ? I get sometimes it’s sexy to tell a sub to deal with it but no by any means on anything you as a Dom decide to do. Limits are important. There needs to be a long deep discussion about the dynamic. Good luck . There are plenty of Doms out there and you really need to be fully comfortable with yours. My subs will never be forbidden from discussing things like this. Being comfortable in a dynamic is good for both parties. If it’s only entirely about the other party then you’re being used. Don’t get me wrong some people enjoy THAT dynamic however if it wasn’t expressed and discussed in the beginning then there will be problems in the long run. Be true to yourself with wants, needs and limitations.

Let's be honest there are a lot of doms out there who just like hitting girls...

[pe****]

First off you and your Handler need to have a very needed conversation about your likes and dislikes of your safety and types of punishment that you not comfortable with see me myself a punishment for my woman is so much pleasure it makes her loose all control of her body and becomes a zombie are keep stopping before she can get off and ask her to tell me three things that I can do to her as a punishment and I pick one if I feet she makes it light and it’s not enough for her say we pick your going to have nipples clamps and heat cream on your clit and she not getting any more I just increased the pressure on tits are I take photos of her coming hard and begging for me to take her higher than normal so I add blind folds and ear buds with a male voice telling her he’s getting the video of me and her live and just the thought of her being completely naked and video live you will do anything to make it stop and have went as far as no eyes no ears and use different smells of people like there’s someone else in the room watching her and smell is her only way of knowing if we are alone and this is a big part of her punishment is not knowing who are what is watching have a pizza delivery while she’s in the bondage and let her hear him
And immediately close her vision and sound and start touching her body with many different things and her mind is thanking it’s more then one person in that room that playing with her body and mind and I bet she will do anything not to come because she thinks it’s a stranger and that’s the control I use and she really doesn’t know if I’m alone are not and she knows the ear plugs were removed and she heard me open and close the door like he was leaving the next is saying your going to have a woman do you while she’s in that spot and then she won’t want that see it’s a mind game see it’s not real *** but it’s mind control and put on latex gloves and oil them up and it’s a different feeling works like crazy and then I work your body to so many different ways that you lose control over your mind and body like a zombie

[Ha****]

If you don't believe something is safe, the answer is absolutely 100% No. Setting limits is extremely important, and any Dom who does not respect your safety or limits does not respect you as a sub. I am a switch, I would never push a sub to do something they didn't feel was safe, and I would leave a Dom if they did it to me.

[DM****]

Big red flag

[ch****]

This is a scammer! Any and all Doms MUST gain your trust respect and submission. If the initial getting to know you questions are punished that is not a Dom. That is someone claiming Dom for their own power not to empower you. A Dom is to earn your respect, trust, and submission.

To be clear I am talking about initial introduction and getting to know you questions. Afterwards say if you are a brat who asks too many questions in order to pester thats different. It is very situational. However one thing always remains 100% true. I all D/s relationships the one who has all the true power is the SUB. That is the power of true NO. If your trust, and respect does not exist with this Dom then you have full authority to stop giving him your power.

[It****]

That sounds very psychological unsafe. Being a Dom doesn’t have anything to do with unsafety or being more then a sub. In fact a proper dom serves a sub, from a different perspective. You are both adults and should be able te build report first. From there you can explore an dynamic that serves you both. If it’s not nice to you, there is a red flag, and you should be able to adres this and consider to quit because you are not treated properly, a situation wish could be harmful. Not in a nice kinky way!

[He****]

Sounds like a red flag to me

[Wh****]

Absolutely a no go for me. If im not comfortable.. discussions are had or the relationship is over.

[GB****]

I am a switch and I feel I have a decent handle on the rod. A true Dom understands that they really don’t hold the power, the sun does. The sub should only do what they feel comfortable in doing. This is why safe words and the green, yellow, red systems are in place. At least in your situation (if I’m understanding correctly) you aren’t in the same place so when you tell the dom you aren’t comfortable doing something she can’t “***” you. If I were you, I’d seriously recommend you take a long look at your situation and really determine if you should continue. At the very least, you and your dom need to step out of your roles and have a conversation about said roles, and define limits and boundaries.

[GB****]

*rod = roles. *sun = sub. … stupid autocorrect.

[Ru****]

For me, it's all about connection and trust. Asking personal questions helps with building that. It goes both ways. I motivate my subs to show personal interest in my life to build a strong bond.

[we****]

as a dom id say run away

[Vl****]

consent is everything, us doms only have the 'power' you give us. if something feels unsafe absolutely push back or outright refuse.

[Do****]

I had that situation... I asked permission to ask him back the question and he allowed it... but if it's a complete refusal to answer... then relationship is not trust so it's over!

[Al****]

It sounds like fishing for enough details to exploit you. This isn’t a safe relationship

[in****]

Run far away.

[da****]

lol, dump that nonsense if you’re putting your own safety at risk. She’s a bitch, not a dom.

[Deleted Member]

Hey Jesse here, first off good morning to you. Just for the record I'm gonna be honest with you .I don't have a single damn clue of how a sub or Dom is "supposed to act and conduct themselves as I'm pretty new to the this game, so there's a more than just a few things that I need to learn. What experience I do have and have of both roles cause I'm a switch(bottom/ leaning switch to be exact) so I've been both. More so a Dom with being an alpha and conducting myself as a normal "straight" man and being dominant, taking control, and pursuer is just what's expected of such a man. Although I never went full on "master" I do get pretty close to it and pretty intense at times. However I have never handed down a "punishment" or "disciplined" any of my subs by ordering them verbally or physically in a manner that would be dangerous, or even make them feel like they were in some sort dangerous situation as that causes "real fe*r" and insecurities. Both of which are something that a sub should ever experience and feel under any circumstances. Even if you're into "*** " or "*** " there's still a level of respect that a Dom is supposed to uphold for their subs no matter what they do or not for their Dom or say to them f*cking period. It's a lifestyle and I get that,but it's also just a role that is played, an act . Unfortunately alot of people who choose to be a Dom most often have serious "control issues" they should have some real professional help with before they ever get started on the journey to become a Dom and a member of the/this community and that's the f*ckin undeniable truth about it, no matter what kind of bs way they attempt to deny or excuse the issue away, or shoved it under the veil of "it's not me it's you " . Anyway in other words they end up being abusive in a very real way that causes the problem and raises the questions and stirring up the emotions that you are have and are experiencing. You need to be aware of this fact that it's *** and a form of *** not just her being "strick" on you. You're not doing ANYTHING with asking for the information you want to know about her or not a want to know but rather a need to know in order for you to know what type of person that she is because you have given her an amount of trust, respect, and authority over you. It's not an offense thing to do and you shouldn't have been "punished" for it. Cause not every single moment of every interaction you have with her has to be in the roles that you have the damn sessions as. You a human being and so is she and neither of you are supposed to let those roles bleed into the every minute part of your life or into every situation in it. The sub/Dom arrangement is still a relationship and in being one both are supposed to have a certain level of respect towards the other,and interactions together when information is shared by both mutually. And given willingly, freely, and without any conditions or repercussions as a result of one of the asking for the information, on either of your parts. If you're not comfortable and safe doing something that she is telling you to do?, or if you have a "real" risk of being in danger, puts in position to be exposed in a way or any place that is not private, safe, and comfortable, and/or also that has a very real set of consequences for you if you're seen or caught? (Like being arrested for indecent exposure, Luke and/or lascivious acts,and criminal behavior, or even worse like one of those charges I just mentioned getting upgraded to a nasty ass felony like explicit sexual exposure to a minor if God forbid a anyone under the age of 18 just looked out the window in your direction and saw you. And they don't even have to actually see exactly what you are doing or how. The way the world and system have written the laws on these matters is extremely unforgiving, and zero tolerance classified. Literally just say for instance that your loosend up as you are walking to your car or down the street and it's uncomfortable or maybe you need to so your pants don't hit the ground just pull up shirt a little to see the and you tighten your belt, that's all you do. The way they have the damn laws and what is considered to be breaking said laws. If you're seen while you are doing it.?(tighten your belt) because of where your hands are and and part of your body is/was revealed, even an adult saw you and then reported it to the police?, if they say that their child is involved, or any child was. They will arrest you for exposing yourself to a minor which is an act of petiphilia and a major f*cking felony that can never be expunged or will go away with any amount of time ever. Yes, it's sounds way too extreme and I may not have had to go to level of detail with you. But I assure you that what I've been telling you is a very real fact and important for you to remember when you are thinking about taking a risk or heading into a situation where things like this can happen to you and then you have something on you that you can't imagine how damaging it is. The point is that regardless if you're a sub or slave or any other one of million different things to play the role of. You are a human f*ckin being that is entitled to be treated with the respect that's God damn given to as one. Yes my friend, you need to draw a good solid line and boundaries to make sure that you aren't ever in a position or situation where you either can be incarcerated for (doing something illegal) or there is a risk of real danger of any kind especially dangers being physically injured or worse. She shouldn't be making you do anything that you have a chance of anything you have read in this article I've written. The fact that you have done things that you know are not a good idea and had the potential to make you experience the consequences that I mentioned should be a huge red flag for you and a damn good reason to believe that she's not a good person to be listening to and damn sure to be taking any orders from. I will suggest you take a look at the rather stupid shut that's also very unnecessary and illegal according to the example that you gave in your post. Put your f*ckin foot down set and then make non negotiable. So you know that you're not going to be able to get put into a bad situation as you have been. And if she doesn't want to honor ,doesn't take it seriously, gets angry and insulting to you or just tells you that it's over? Let her go and see if she can make someone else break laws and be put into the same things as you have done. She won't get very far and she will end up alone in this world and that I promise you my friend. I'm gonna go and get back to work and give you the much needed time times get all this processed. You will be making a very good decision if you do what I am suggesting you to do. You deserve to be treated with respect and to be valued. Just because you are a sub doesn't have anything to do with it or change that fact alright? Take care of yourself and may you be blessed in all your endeavors and stay safe in all your travels wherever they might take you. So goodbye and good luck with everything you have in front of you and keep your head up my friend. Laters