Earning Submission

[ae****]

Submission is a GIFT IN THE MOMENT.

If you can't see that, or are frustrated by this somehow... Check your entitlement.

Yes, it's a gift that can be taken away at any point. You are not entitled to submission. That is not consensual.

When I submit, I do so out of devotion and love, and for my own pleasure. I love ***, I love restraints, orgasm denial and ***, rope, etc.

I trust my partner/Dom to keep me safe- but it's also my responsibility to check in with myself. We've had close calls, and our good communication/clear boundaries has kept me safe.

[Bl****]

That's two people so far that can't check their entitlement. All accusations and no discussion, submission is what they say it is, and if I don't agree or want some discussion behind their position, I'll be dismissed or met with hostility.

[al****]

I don’t consider my submission as a gift or something to be earned. It is just a part of my personality and how I respond to men that I feel a connection with. But I do choose whom I submit to. Like Master and my relationship, I was only a sub with Him for several months but the more I was with him and the more I trusted him and the more I loved him the more I wanted to give him. I asked him if I could be slave instead of sub. We discussed what that meant for us and he gave me several opportunities to change my mind. But it was something I needed so He accepted me as slave. It wasn’t a gift or something he earned. It was me feeling connected to him and wanting to be his. To move to the next level.

[Bl****]

1 hour ago, aetherialAF said:

Submission is a GIFT IN THE MOMENT.

If you can't see that, or are frustrated by this somehow... Check your entitlement.

Yes, it's a gift that can be taken away at any point. You are not entitled to submission. That is not consensual.

When I submit, I do so out of devotion and love, and for my own pleasure. I love ***, I love restraints, orgasm denial and ***, rope, etc.

I trust my partner/Dom to keep me safe- but it's also my responsibility to check in with myself. We've had close calls, and our good communication/clear boundaries has kept me safe.

Just to be clear, you are saying I'm entitled if I don't agree with your ideas on submission?

[Qu****]

Submission is earned through trust. Just as much as dominance is earned through trust. Without trust from all parties involved bdsm breaks down. If I want to light someone on fire and spank their ass the bottom is going to have to trust me. How does that happen? We go through a negotiation, I tell them what to expect, how the play will go, what words I'm going to react to, and the risks. They're going to give me trust back by acknowledging and understanding things, asking questions, setting limits, etc. Just this past weekend I had a few people who had very bad experiences get a fire play tasting from me, they all enjoyed the experience because I built that trust before play began.

[Co****]

The way I view it is that submission is a gift, and so is domination. Both take a tremendous amount of energy, and neither role should be taken lightly. Submission is earned through trust and by getting to know what the sub wants and needs. Every sub will have different limits, desires, and needs. Earning submission is mostly about making sure the submissive feels safe enough to surrender themselves to a Dominants care. On the flip side, a submissive should be aware of the Doms limits, desires, and needs as well. Building mutual respect and understanding is crucial to a healthy bdsm dynamic.
Submission is hard to define strictly because it means something different to all of us. The way I roll is submission is ALWAYS revokeable. Submission is not an eternal gift you keep forever. Every act of submission is a gift. Every act of dominance is also a gift. Just like any other relationship, it can be ended by either party at any time for any reason.

[sh****]

D/s lifestyle dynamic is who you are. D/s kink is a state of mind. Those in the lifestyle consider submitting a gift because when a sub gives themselves to a dom its the trust and subservient will they are gifting to a dom. If you gave someone a very precious thing and that person began disrespecting and abusing and neglecting and being careless with it would you not take back the gift you gave because they did not deserve the gift ? It's the same thing with d/s lifestyle. A dom may earn or be given or take a sub however if that dom is truly a dom then the best interests of that sub is always in the forefront of his/her mind. They way a child is to their parent. To *** and misuse and neglect our sub is something I could never do. Be a dom isn't a state of my mind, its who I am. D/s lifestyle isn't something to rush into otherwise you will realize there are many posers. A lifestyle dom will be consistent patient and more than just a vibe lol personally I am a sado dom its who I have always been as for the communities and their guidelines remember this d/s kink has guidelines and is something a person turns on and off. D/s lifestyle is just who you are and cannot be turned on or off. A dom is a gift to his sub and a sub is a gift to a dom. Replace the word gift with precious and I think you will understand things now. Consistency reveals all inconsistencies remember that it'll help you

[Ro****]

In the D/s (Dominance and submission) community, the concepts of submission being "earned" and submission being a "gift" are not contradictory but are two facets of the same dynamic. For submission to be given as a gift, the dominant partner must first earn the submissive's trust. The submissive's decision to freely give their sovereignty is the gift, and it is a gift that can be withdrawn if the dominant's actions break that trust.
The concept of submission being "earned"
In this view, the dominant earns the submissive's trust and respect through their character, actions, and responsible leadership. A dominant's position is not a right that is demanded, but a responsibility that is earned through consistent, positive behavior.
Actions that help earn submission include:
Demonstrating capability. The dominant shows they can handle their own life and lead effectively.
Building trust and safety. The submissive must feel safe, valued, and respected. Submission given out of *** or intimidation is not considered genuine.
Having integrity and consistency. The dominant's actions must consistently align with their words to prove they are worthy of trust.
Exhibiting emotional intelligence. The dominant must show they can be a compassionate and understanding leader, not a tyrant.
The concept of submission being a "gift"
The submissive's act of entrusting their power and control to a dominant is a profound gift, given willingly and freely. It is an expression of deep trust and affection that cannot be ***d or coerced.
This perspective highlights several key points:
It is an act of trust. The submissive, having observed the dominant's character, makes a choice to freely give their personal sovereignty.
It is revocable. Unlike submission taken by ***, a gifted submission can be taken back at any time. The submissive always has the ultimate power to withdraw their consent, making the dynamic one of permission, not ***.
It is an expression of love. In a healthy D/s relationship, submission is a positive and heartfelt quality, not a grudging obligation.
Reconciling "earned" and "gifted"
The two concepts are fundamentally intertwined:
The earning precedes the gift. The dominant must first put in the work to build trust and demonstrate their worthiness.
The gift is a response to the earning. The submissive, recognizing the dominant has earned their trust, responds by freely giving the gift of their submission.
The gift places responsibility on the dominant. Once the dominant receives the gift of submission, they have the significant responsibility of treasuring it and never abusing it.

[Da****]

13 hours ago, aligurl80 said:

I don’t consider my submission as a gift or something to be earned. It is just a part of my personality and how I respond to men that I feel a connection with. But I do choose whom I submit to. Like Master and my relationship, I was only a sub with Him for several months but the more I was with him and the more I trusted him and the more I loved him the more I wanted to give him. I asked him if I could be slave instead of sub. We discussed what that meant for us and he gave me several opportunities to change my mind. But it was something I needed so He accepted me as slave. It wasn’t a gift or something he earned. It was me feeling connected to him and wanting to be his. To move to the next level.

You literally said he earned your trust. Earning that trust is what gave you the opportunity to give him control.