Popular Post Deleted Member Posted November 5 Popular Post I have been in the Kink world for a few years. As a Dom/Master, Sadist, Educator and Event Organizer. These are some tips for new and newish Subbies. **STRICTLY FROM MY POINT OF VIEW AND OPINION** 1. CONSENT IS EVERYTHING. NOT ALL Scenes and play are sexual. 2. No Dom/Domme/Master/Mistress can teach you to be a sub. They can only teach you to be THEIR sub. Learn from other subbies how to be a submissive. 3. If you are new to this world, trust me, you have no idea how important safety is. Vette your partners, use safe words, and safety contacts. 4. Approach Dom/Dommes with respect, but don't call me 'Sir', Daddy, or anything else until you have permission. You are not my sub yet. A good Dom won't ask you to, either, until you are. Just good policy. (Seriously just my opinion) 5. Set solid boundaries and stick to them. Safewords and consent. 6. If you are just in it to sext and maybe f*ck, that's totally cool, but be up front about it, or get a crash course in "How to pi@@ off a Lifestyler in one easy step." Don't lead anyone on. This goes BOTH ways. 7. Learn to negotiate everything. 8. Bratting requires consent. Read that again. 9. It may sound hot in those romance books, but CNC is not for beginners. 10. If you have a Dom/Domme, or want one, it takes more than "I'll do anything you want", because trust me, you won't. Be creative, pursue the one you want to submit to, respectfully, and be sincere in your submission. Pillow Princesses get really boring really quickly. But this is only if you are serious about it. If not, then disregard; go forth and debauch. Good luck! P.R.I.C.K. : Personal Responsibility In Consensual Kink R.A.C.K.: Risk Aware Consensual Kink Learn it. Know it. Live it. What tips would you offer to those learning?
co**** Posted November 5 Number four for sure I’ve been called pet names by people before when just meeting and it’s like no thanks please don’t call me that
ca**** Posted November 5 I find a lot of new subs just want to learn as they go, nothing wrong with that. I also find that they just want there to be chemistry like they had with boyfriends or flings, okay I want chem to with any LTR Where the issue is many new subs want it to be natural and just flow. They get turned off when the Daddy Dom shows up and does nothing but show restraint and compassion and wants to talk about hard and soft limits, triggers, past trauma, how the sub envisioned things progressing. The feel it’s like a job interview more than a prelude to sexy time. So as Dom: make sure you’re striving for a conversational flow to your knowledge gathering. To the subs : understand your Dom isn’t boring. He’s trying to make your world safe and that you and he gets what is needed.
id**** Posted November 5 I just got to say I met with a guy one time it was our first meeting and he wanted me to call him sir but, we only talked for maybe two days before meeting and I told him I wasn't comfortable with that yet and I was also talking to other guys and he kept insisting so, I kept calling him bro. I never heard from him again. Did I do anything wrong?
ca**** Posted November 5 7 minutes ago, idk2001 said: I just got to say I met with a guy one time it was our first meeting and he wanted me to call him sir but, we only talked for maybe two days before meeting and I told him I wasn't comfortable with that yet and I was also talking to other guys and he kept insisting so, I kept calling him bro. I never heard from him again. Did I do anything wrong? Nope. You did good. Your safety is always number one. Your boundaries No.2
Deleted Member Posted November 5 Author 1 hour ago, canton11826 said: I find a lot of new subs just want to learn as they go, nothing wrong with that. I also find that they just want there to be chemistry like they had with boyfriends or flings, okay I want chem to with any LTR Where the issue is many new subs want it to be natural and just flow. They get turned off when the Daddy Dom shows up and does nothing but show restraint and compassion and wants to talk about hard and soft limits, triggers, past trauma, how the sub envisioned things progressing. The feel it’s like a job interview more than a prelude to sexy time. So as Dom: make sure you’re striving for a conversational flow to your knowledge gathering. To the subs : understand your Dom isn’t boring. He’s trying to make your world safe and that you and he gets what is needed. This! Excellent point and very well made.
fo**** Posted November 5 Stuff I have seen as a sub that terrifies me. 1.There is so many Dom(mes) that don’t know what contracts are. Please fill out contracts for safety and protection if I a scene goes wrong. 2. The amount of ‘Doms’ that don’t know what subspace, sub drop, or aftercare is. 3. How many ‘Doms’ enjoy it just for control. Like…I can see it definitely being a part of the perks but if it is the only thing, that sounds very red flag to me..
Deleted Member Posted November 5 Author 14 minutes ago, idk2001 said: I just got to say I met with a guy one time it was our first meeting and he wanted me to call him sir but, we only talked for maybe two days before meeting and I told him I wasn't comfortable with that yet and I was also talking to other guys and he kept insisting so, I kept calling him bro. I never heard from him again. Did I do anything wrong? Not at all. You did fine. Until you come to an agreement with someone, they are just some person. Even after that, honestly. Your boundaries belong to you. Never feel bad for enforcing them.
Ha**** Posted November 5 33 minutes ago, idk2001 said: I just got to say I met with a guy one time it was our first meeting and he wanted me to call him sir but, we only talked for maybe two days before meeting and I told him I wasn't comfortable with that yet and I was also talking to other guys and he kept insisting so, I kept calling him bro. I never heard from him again. Did I do anything wrong? No.
Sl**** Posted November 6 1 hour ago, idk2001 said: I just got to say I met with a guy one time it was our first meeting and he wanted me to call him sir but, we only talked for maybe two days before meeting and I told him I wasn't comfortable with that yet and I was also talking to other guys and he kept insisting so, I kept calling him bro. I never heard from him again. Did I do anything wrong? Nope! Not a single thing. Boundaries are very important and if he was stepping on yours in the first meeting, it could've gotten really bad later on.
Sw**** Posted November 6 3 hours ago, idk2001 said: I just got to say I met with a guy one time it was our first meeting and he wanted me to call him sir but, we only talked for maybe two days before meeting and I told him I wasn't comfortable with that yet and I was also talking to other guys and he kept insisting so, I kept calling him bro. I never heard from him again. Did I do anything wrong? No. Dude was a clown.
Da**** Posted November 6 Good tips for Subs and I completely agree. I'd like to add for subs to beware. There are also a lot of Fake Doms who just jump into this to take advantage of innocent subs who don't know better. Gate keeping? Maybe, but some of these self gratifying scum are invading our dynamic and taking advantage of people. I loathe them deeply and rather remove them out of the community. He very careful, new subs. Consent is very important. Also, just like any other relationship, trust and knowledge of one another needs to happen and can take time unless you both agree just to "service one another" which again....Consent on both ends is paramount. If they are being aggressive and rushing you. Do not submit to them. Submission happens naturally to a Dom you want to submit to. It isn't f*rced, sure you can do some role playing and pretend it is ***d, but in reality it shouldn't be ***d. Understand reality vs. role-playing. A proper Dom abides by the 4 Cs: - Consent - Control of oneself (if they cant even control themselves, do not expect them to control you in a proper manner) - Control of one's environment (they will ask all sorts of questions to understand safety requirements and ensure you are safe) - Control of their Sub (Obviously it takes to become their sub, but you will notice they try to do things you like by taking charge, their goal is to pleasure you, but control the scenario in which they do so) Looking at this will show you red and grew flags.
Da**** Posted November 6 3 hours ago, idk2001 said: I just got to say I met with a guy one time it was our first meeting and he wanted me to call him sir but, we only talked for maybe two days before meeting and I told him I wasn't comfortable with that yet and I was also talking to other guys and he kept insisting so, I kept calling him bro. I never heard from him again. Did I do anything wrong? No, that was not a proper Dom if they barley knew you, never made an agreement with you and just demanding you to submit. That's not how the dynamic works at all. That person sounds like a piece of scum. Beware of those types, they are around everywhere.
Au**** Posted November 6 Thank you so much, DevilsAdvoc8, for posting these tips! As a newbie still learning the ropes, this entire list is gold, but I especially appreciate you clarifying #6. It’s super important for people to understand that it’s completely okay to enter this world just for casual, consented play, as long as everyone is upfront about their intentions and you don't lead anyone on. I'm taking the P.R.I.C.K. and R.A.C.K. principles to heart and already feel a lot more grounded in approaching the dynamic with personal responsibility.
Au**** Posted November 6 4 hours ago, idk2001 said: I just got to say I met with a guy one time it was our first meeting and he wanted me to call him sir but, we only talked for maybe two days before meeting and I told him I wasn't comfortable with that yet and I was also talking to other guys and he kept insisting so, I kept calling him bro. I never heard from him again. Did I do anything wrong? I loved that you called him ‘bro’. 😂By calling him 'bro' and refusing to be pushed, you showed amazing self-respect and vetting power. He disappeared because you showed him he couldn't manipulate you into submission early on, and you saved yourself a ton of time and drama. Great job trusting your instincts!
Si**** Posted November 6 Very good points. Don't forget a solid Aftercare Routine that benefits BOTH the Dom & sub. When a sub says NO or sets a Hard Limit, Respect it, don't f*rce them.
Si**** Posted November 6 @ifk2001 Hell no you didn't do anything wrong. Unless you were HIS sub, there wasn't any obligation.
Ho**** Posted November 6 6 hours ago, idk2001 said: I just got to say I met with a guy one time it was our first meeting and he wanted me to call him sir but, we only talked for maybe two days before meeting and I told him I wasn't comfortable with that yet and I was also talking to other guys and he kept insisting so, I kept calling him bro. I never heard from him again. Did I do anything wrong? No you did nothing wrong. He had not earned the right to demand an honorific like Sir.
PL**** Posted November 6 Sub here and ive been in the lifestyle for a very long time. Red flags to me include... 1. He/she doesn't fully read my profile first. (My profile is extremely detailed.) 2. He/she wants me to call him sir/master/daddy right away she, mistress/mommy/another nomenclature. 3. Tries to state I need to be just theirs, immediately in the conversation (goes back to reading my profile). 4. Tries to negotiate my limits (they are limits for a reason, don't give in set your boundaries and stick to them). 5. Once engaged in a conversation that goes further then getting to know yous I will tell the individual my specific needs and requirements/requests if we were to engage in a session and he/she tires to ignore/manipulate those to fit their needs and requests ignoring my own (narcissistic behaviors are a huge turn off and often not safe). 6. Last and most important, they require submissive behaviors immediately. Engaging in normative conversation and getting to know and trust a dominant partner takes time and trust, without those in place first and a foundation just like any relationship whether it's LTR, fwb, friendship, or whatever you make it take precautions to remain safe.
Do**** Posted November 6 Thank you for sharing this, I really appreciate you taking the time to educate us.
Do**** Posted November 6 (edited) 10 hours ago, PLEASEandTEASEme said: Sub here and ive been in the lifestyle for a very long time. Red flags to me include... 1. He/she doesn't fully read my profile first. (My profile is extremely detailed.) 2. He/she wants me to call him sir/master/daddy right away she, mistress/mommy/another nomenclature. 3. Tries to state I need to be just theirs, immediately in the conversation (goes back to reading my profile). 4. Tries to negotiate my limits (they are limits for a reason, don't give in set your boundaries and stick to them). 5. Once engaged in a conversation that goes further then getting to know yous I will tell the individual my specific needs and requirements/requests if we were to engage in a session and he/she tires to ignore/manipulate those to fit their needs and requests ignoring my own (narcissistic behaviors are a huge turn off and often not safe). 6. Last and most important, they require submissive behaviors immediately. Engaging in normative conversation and getting to know and trust a dominant partner takes time and trust, without those in place first and a foundation just like any relationship whether it's LTR, fwb, friendship, or whatever you make it take precautions to remain safe. Just checking your profile for comparison and I think mine is similar. But if you have time I would really appreciate it if you could look it over and give me some feedback please. Mod note: Please DM and not respond here. Edited November 6 by FETMod-RG shift replies direcr
Da**** Posted November 6 11 hours ago, PLEASEandTEASEme said: Sub here and ive been in the lifestyle for a very long time. Red flags to me include... 1. He/she doesn't fully read my profile first. (My profile is extremely detailed.) 2. He/she wants me to call him sir/master/daddy right away she, mistress/mommy/another nomenclature. 3. Tries to state I need to be just theirs, immediately in the conversation (goes back to reading my profile). 4. Tries to negotiate my limits (they are limits for a reason, don't give in set your boundaries and stick to them). 5. Once engaged in a conversation that goes further then getting to know yous I will tell the individual my specific needs and requirements/requests if we were to engage in a session and he/she tires to ignore/manipulate those to fit their needs and requests ignoring my own (narcissistic behaviors are a huge turn off and often not safe). 6. Last and most important, they require submissive behaviors immediately. Engaging in normative conversation and getting to know and trust a dominant partner takes time and trust, without those in place first and a foundation just like any relationship whether it's LTR, fwb, friendship, or whatever you make it take precautions to remain safe. Excellent red flags for Subs to pay attention too. Whether in a D/s relationship or Vanilla. It is never OK for anyone to pressure, f@rce, the other into anything. Not take in boundaries and limits. All signs of non consent and suggest the person is a degenerate, useless scum. Real Doms do not need to f@rce anyone to do anything and they have no need for impatience to f@rce a sub to do things faster. They look for signs of meshing and that takes time for everyone. Proper Doms look at many criteria and see if there's a fit. Those doing otherwise are scum masquerading as Doms to *** people. I do not take my dynamic invaded by degenerates lightly
Deleted Member Posted November 10 Author I'd be happy to take a look once it's been verified. Fet has it on lockdown right now. Great list of boundaries.
FETMod-HG Posted November 10 4 hours ago, DevilsAdvoc8 said: I'd be happy to take a look once it's been verified. Fet has it on lockdown right now. Great list of boundaries. What is on lockdown?
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