Non-sexual submission?

[Fa****]

Hey everyone, just interested to know about y’all’s experiences with non-sexual submission? Whether from the giving or receiving end.

I’m a bit new to the community, and been feeling urges lately to, say, kneel at the feet of a particular friend while they stroke my hair. Giving over control, trusting them to take care of me and to know what’s best for me. But not necessarily in a sexual context. I’ve been told that this might be under the umbrella of pet play, but I’m not 100% sure. And, a lot of the information I’ve come across on this is of a sexual nature which is a bit intimidating. It’s not that I wouldn’t be interested in it from that angle as well in future, but for now I’m not interested in that aspect. Also, if any of you have any reading material recommendations, I’d love to educate myself more as well :)

[Daddybrains]

Neither “s” in D/s or BDSM stands for sex ;-)

[Al****]

My partner and I have alot of non sexual sub affections. Im a brat with a praise kink and alot of non bedroom intimacy involves my partner recognizing my task success around the house. It helps me because it helps the dishes and stuff get done because my partner rein***s me with my praise kink. I have audhd, and that In itself is difficult enough to navigate. My partner offers me a secure place to explore my kinks and submission in and out of the bedroom. Even if we arent realizing or intentionally doing it, it builds and makes our bedroom time even better because it makes me want to please him. It took me years of unlearning toxic sexuality from past relationships to have the bond I do with my partner now.

[Daddybrains]

That posted before I was done. You can express submission in so many different ways. Protocol. Service. Obedience. Guided Transformation. The sex, well, it’s a blunt instrument for hum!liation, gratification, loss-of-self, and lots of other things. Or it’s just sex, as an independent dimension of the relationship.

[Fa****]

7 minutes ago, Daddybrains said:

Neither “s” in D/s or BDSM stands for sex ;-)

Very true! It just seems like the majority of what I see when I look for information/other people’s experiences is within a sexual context :’) even if that isn’t the reality. It makes it a bit intimidating to explore…

[Pa****]

You can create your kink specific to you and your wants. It doesn't have to fall under a certain label. Personally I love dominating without the sexual aspect. But I do need the sex part as well ofcourse.

[Pa****]

Also, you can write down specifically what you want and are interested in, in detail. Everyone is unique and to me thats what makes each woman so special.

[pa****]

I personally just really like to tell people what to do since I'm used to it in my profesional life. I like giving structure to some of my subs such as workout routines, self care, and other good habits to keep up on. I like the caretaker and leading aspect, also giving lots of praise. So all the sub happy buttons are being pressed but it's not sexual.

[Daddybrains]

You can express submission through protocol, service, obedience, guided transformation, energy play, and many other practices without sex. It isn’t limited to pet play.

[FE****]

Just a reminder, ALL posts in the kink Academy are subject to pre-approval (App store rules), please don't post your replies more than once, as it just gives the mods more work to do and slows down your reply getting approved.

[Fa****]

21 minutes ago, Daddybrains said:

You can express submission through protocol, service, obedience, guided transformation, energy play, and many other practices without sex. It isn’t limited to pet play.

Thanks for all your comments Daddybrain! It’s helpful to hear, and to learn there are a huge amount of ways to express submission outside of sex. I mean, I suppose I should have realised that, but I think because I’ve always seen a certain type of way on media/online it made me doubt it. If you have any reading material you’d recommend to learn more deeply about different aspects of submission, please let me know! But no worries either way. And again, thank you :)

[Tt****]

I'm an asexual submissive and so all of my experience is non-sexual. I prefer just to serve and please, and am happy with that

[jo****]

I have had a couple of subs that were in committed traditional marriages and we were very limited on the sexual activities. I was able to arouse them and even bring them to orgasm (***d or voluntary) but my pants stayed on. It is difficult but for them, it was either that or no relationship at all.

[Se****]

There's a bunch of ways. I've of my subs would do things like take my boots off when I came home from work, being me a drink, organize my mail. She would never sit on the furniture while I was gone without permission, I chose what she ate and approved her outfits. There's many many many ways to submit without sex or ***.

[St****]

I was nonsexual in the lifestyle for a few years and it was rather nice. I’m a service submissive with slave and light brat tendencies, so I get satisfaction purely out of knowing my Mistress is tended to / cared for in whatever form that may come in for her. Rewards, should she choose to give them are *** sessions, cuddling, adoration, praise, etc.

[PL****]

I'm a submissive. I do not do task behaviors. I often do not have a 24/7 dom. Yet as being friends with my doms outside of my bedroom, I do love when they are near and ask me to do similar acts to what you have dislikes. To me this is safe it is secure, it makes me feel special. I have had amazing relationships that included nonsexual submissions. And they fit.what I and my dom have agreed to and what we are comfortable with together❤️!

[PaulyWalnts]

In terms of reading material, you could try The New Bottomimg Book by Dossie Eastern. It covers many aspect of submission including non sexual

[PL****]

*to what you have described

[sp****]

Have you ever looked into a DD/LG? I would highly suggest that.

[Fa****]

1 hour ago, PaulyWalnts said:

In terms of reading material, you could try The New Bottomimg Book by Dossie Eastern. It covers many aspect of submission including non sexual

Thanks! I’ll give it a read^^

[Jo****]

You may look up "domestic discipline" as well. Or "kajira" in the lifestyle of Gor (pretty formal/hardcore). Best of luck!

[ia****]

It sounds like you wish to establish an emotiinal connection first. This is essential for a longer term D/s relationship. Your Dom/Domme needs to understand that earning Your trust and submission is required for a relationship to work. I would suggest start small , begin by establishing boundries and safe words. Often used are red yellow and green. Fior your first scene start with a time frame say 15 minutes or 30 minutes. Comfortable safe environment with no other stimuli and comfortable lighting and non revealing clothing. During this time you both should exchange feelings and thoughts and limit the exchange to just petting. The objective is to establish the emotional connection and suppress the over arching sexual expectations of the scene. Both of you will need to check each other by asking what color you/they feel. If it is green continue, yellow ask why and either continue change or stop whatever action it is. Of course red is an immediate stop with change of actions or full stop all together. At the end, however it goes, sit together in a comfortable environment and talk openly with each other. Be prepared for the feeling of not liking it or maybe liking it. These are ok feelings and there should be no judgement. This type of relationship is not for everyone and everyone has their own natural and societaly imposed inhibitions. Open honest communications is the key.
It sounds as though you already trust them, now it is their turn to earn it and prove that they abide by the limits and rules that both of you agree upon. I hope i helped a little or atleast gave some food for thought. Best of Luck, may Peace and Happiness fill your days

[re****]

if it is not sex , you must check a psychiatrist please . It might be a masochist personality disorder .

[Tr****]

There is no right or wrong way to enjoy kink.
Some people like to mix it with sex, others don't. For me, I prefer play that is not inherently sexual, as it allowed me to dig deeper into what I felt and how I felt about my kink. It helped me uncover feelings and sensations that were simply hidden behind arousal. And it allowed me go deeper into subspace, so I didn't want to go back to mixing kink and sex.
It's up to you to find the balance that works for you, without worrying about fitting stereotypes or others' scenarios.
Good luck and enjoy the journey 😊

[Ma****]

Rope bondage - shibari can be non sexual and still intense and fun.