Consensual and not spoiling the moment

[Be****]

I would like to think we are all responsible people. I would like to hear some of your thoughts on how you maintain a sense of surprise, while still maintaining consensual intimacy. All parties agree on what is going to happen and agree on activities taking place. Despite these acknowledgements, what do you do to keep the element of surprise and or anticipation real while the cat is out of the bag?

[vv****]

Discussion of limits, open consent, use of safe words.

[Da****]

Controlling the scene as a Dom and making it as enjoyable as possible. Take your time, theirs no rush. Enjoy the moment. Try blindfolding each other and only using your hands and mouth. Make it interesting and change up the norm.

[su****]

Instead of agreeing on “what’s going to happen” agree on “a menu of things that might happen.”

[Tw****]

Surprise timeline wise?
Set a few days where you all agree any of these things can happen.

Use signals (like a certain photo being left flat on a table or a bit of rope tied to a door handle) to allow the sub to indicate they are up for fun on that day?

This allows fun without verbal communication and allows anticipation to build up across a few days.

[Ma****]

have your sub write all consensual activities on a post stick and store them in a cookie jar or Pandora’s box and draw them randomly

[au****]

You plan your surprise around your partners limits and it will be ok.

[Sa****]

Make it a dice roll game

[Fi****]

Shyness

[Jo****]

Spoil the fucking moment and ensure ongoing, enthusiastic consent

[Deleted Member]

Not so much the surprise but the anticipation of what’s going to happen. I love a countdown. So many hours minutes and seconds till I’m supposed to arrive. Or even the tease, reminding me of what you’re going to do and what’s expected of me. Literally panty soaking.

[Fi****]

The nervous feelings of anticipation of possibilities of satisfaction or disappointment or the preparation of body b dress to look n be in character of anticipation and thoughts of what could possibly to be disappointed or under appreciated the build up of a perfect time is more untuned with u
Inner feeling possibly

[Pill11]

Abilene

[ey****]

A lot comes to the context of who you are playing with.   And, I guess, what the "surprise" is

The better you know someone through both play and interactions outside of play, the more you can be sure that things would be ok or well received

 

[Le****]

Travel with a suitcase of S&M gear and your life will be either a lot more boring or a lot less boring.

[On****]

For playpartners I have used a bdsm checklist for years and it's part of getting to know eachother from the beginning. It let's us each know our limits and curiosities, experience as well. While the list is fairly complete it is only a tool and not a replacement for conversation.

[Ro****]

Think of it as a tool box. You may know what's in that tool box, but not what's going to be used in the moment or how it's going to be used. For instance I like objectification and CNC, when my partner and I are going at it he can either get REALLY aggressive to the point where I'm begging him to stop because I'm being over stimulated and he'll either tell me to shut up or call me his toy.

The options create uncertainty and that uncertainty makes things more fun

[Aw****]

Imo, if asking consent is something that can ruin the moment, then there wasn't really much of a moment. I've never had anyone be upset that I've checked in.

[wo****]

18 hours ago, Joe56mama said:

Spoil the fucking moment and ensure ongoing, enthusiastic consent

There’s a guy who made sure to do that with his wife, every time, through the entire process, the first year of his marriage. His wife hated him for it and divorced his ass quick.

[BD****]

First of all, don’t ever expect all people to be respectful or responsible. It’ll bite you where you don’t wish to be bitten. You’ve gotta “vet” for your fet’s. That means trial and error. Question after question. Ask them again. See if they change their answers. Give them small tests. Trust is earned. Not given. Not taken. Not something to be given out lightly. Actions speak louder than words. Body language, eye contact, lack there of. I can read a person like a book. Cause I’ve had to survive that way for years growing up in a rough time. It’s the reason I am the way I am. Trust. It’s everything. Earning it takes time, particularly patience. And if you ever feel rushed or ***d or unsafe, always have a plan B. A friend, share your location, snap a pic of your dates ID and send it to a friend. Let them know that’s whom you’re with. For, if they won’t go for it, that’s a red flag. And so on… stay safe my family!! Stay kinky!!! Always!!

[BD****]

I have a random mind like no one I’ve ever met, I’ll literally create something new daily for all of time and it’ll be hot asf. The trick is learning what turns on my sub. And once I’ve mastered there kinks, it’s all fun and games after that

[Fa****]

I have a fair amount of experience with this. To put it in metaphor, you tell them the destination and consent to that, but do not tell them about the journey. Find their limits and their turn ons and offs and use those during the journey. Once you’ve done it a time or two with someone then you know where the consensual limits lie. THEN you really can keep them on their toes by working within that. Hope that makes sense and wasn’t too general.

[BD****]

1 hour ago, Falconite said:

I have a fair amount of experience with this. To put it in metaphor, you tell them the destination and consent to that, but do not tell them about the journey. Find their limits and their turn ons and offs and use those during the journey. Once you’ve done it a time or two with someone then you know where the consensual limits lie. THEN you really can keep them on their toes by working within that. Hope that makes sense and wasn’t too general.

Spot on Sir

[ey****]

sometimes of course the surprise doesn't have to be *during* play.   Like even being "hey, I brought this thing we could use if you like" and again this could be contextual if they've expressed a similar interest or an interest in trying something 

[om****]

Life and Sex is going hand in hand but is also linear. Don't overthink the situation. Decide with your guts if you don't know what to do. Maybe you get the wished response, then go ahead. Maybe it was wrong then adapt it. Example, let your sub stay blindfolded and naked in front of you and sit down and only watch. I am sure in less than 90 seconds comes a reaction from her or from you. You can work with this and go on and on...every new decision brings a new surprise. Forget a playbook or a worksheet. Be creative and enjoy both.