Advice re Orgasms

[Ba****]

I agree with most of what folks have said on here.

(1) Focus more on the experience (the sexual journey?) and less on the climax. Even the climaxes are just steps along a longer journey, so ease into that and enjoy what you are experiencing in the moment.

(2) Blindfolds, restraints, and other sensory limiting/restricting things can *** you to get out of your own head (or using them on your partner if you’re more Dom, but I see you are more sub).

(3) Erotic massage is another way to “let go” of expectations and surrender to the body’s sensations while putting another person in the position of bringing you to climax (without the pressure of needing to climax). I’ve noticed mant Soft Doms (Daddy Doms, Pleasure Doms, Service Tops, etc.) enjoy practicing massage either the***utically or sensually (tantric, erotic, etc.) as helping women climax is satisfying for us. 🥰

(4) Explore more erogenous zones and educate yourself on what you like. Depending on whom you ask, how you make your divisions, or how sensitive your body may be, you’ve got 4-12 areas that could get you to climax either separately or in coordination with other zones). You can do this with a partner or independently, but if you feel totally lost, I’d suggest exploring OMGyes (lots of data on women, sex, orgasms, and what works for some vs others).

(5) You might just need more connection with your partners. For over a decade, I thought I couldn’t climax from oral; once I found a partner that made me feel that they genuinely wanted me to climax (not out of obligation, but out of empathy)…I discovered I wasn’t broken. You’re not broken either. You just need to be patient, learn yourself, and possibly find a supportive partner.

Cheers and good luck! Let us know how it goes.

[Me****]

Edge yourself before having sex do edging a few times build yourself up and then the pleasure will be better or pump your clit before sex is an option as well to chime in along side others

[Fa****]

Please just message me if you have real advice to help. I cant even see my comments anymore. This is frustrating.

[si****]

U get used to ur hand , therefore when someone touch u “ almost” dont feel them , if it’s during penetration and u are close then ur partner needs to keep the same pace SAAME pace no faster no slower no harder , and the only way is to have a keyword between u and the partner like u tell me am close and he keep do exactly what he is doing without being creative . U need to switch from getting used to ur hand to get used to someone eles touching u , also if the partner can link with u emotionally before sex like having some intense moment and feel eachother that will be a big push for ur orgasm to blow

[lo****]

Change the person your having sex with ! LOL specially if what your in your head about !

[Lu****]

2 hours ago, FaQ2 said:

I appreciate the advice to blindfold they guy and do excessive foreplay. Not sure he would let me tie him up, but im going to ask lol.
Anyone have anything to help me stay in the moment during oral(on me)? I get right to the edge but can't fall over it into bliss. If I do intentional edging I cant get off at all after. Hard to think there's nothing wrong with me, but I know the people here have always come through with helpful suggestions, tips and tricks. I'm desperate to fix this one. Nothing shatters the male ego more than having to get myself off after we have sex.

You actually gave the reason yourself here. You’re worried about his ego if you don’t cum. The closer you get the more you want it to happen and that puts pressure on you. But it’s normal for women to take a long time. Make sure he knows you enjoy it even if you don’t “finish”. Also don’t be afraid to give very specific instructions. He can’t know what feels the best unless you tell him.

[Sp****]

Practice mindfulness, or deep breathing , meditation ...clearing your mind and just enjoying the moment without expectations .

[ou****]

You're with the wrong guy!!!

[Sp****]

Yeah ... What you need to do is get on a plane , fly half way round the world , come round and get this sorted 😄😀😂🤣🥵😯🫡

[Se****]

I’ve just started reading a book called Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski that is focused on the female orgasm, it seems very good and might be insightful/helpful for you x

[Fa****]

5 hours ago, felixxxmoon said:

Yeah quit wearing yourself out all the time man that means seriously girl you're desensitizing yourself to all the goodies try edging for a while get that thing back to robust lovely feeling this and what not ever but no you're doing it too much you're no no no regroup honey

I hardly do it myself at all anymore

[Ne****]

I'm going to throw in the notion that Women have a hard time Trusting Men... soooo reaching the most *** state with them is difficult.
**Anyone whom doesn't establish can and do face this regardless of sex, gender etc; but let's not pretend the desparity doesn't exist, regardless of how enlightened anyone be.
Folks don't take the time often enough in these regards, wanting to have it off/have fun and such before or altogether avoiding getting that deeply involved with another [who isn't their love partner(s.)]

[Fr****]

I feel that the more I focus on the orgasm, the more pressure I feel. Maybe it's different for women, maybe not. You could try to just forget about the orgasm and enjoy the experience. But I'm not the expert on this subject. All the best and enjoy (with or without orgasm. But preferably with)

[mr****]

It’s all about your comfort level with your partner and your own self esteem actually you and your partners should practice great communication

[bi****]

Not bragging, but I've been with women that said this and then they came with me thru vaginal penetration, so maybe you just need the right guy

[Sw****]

Hi @FaQ2. If you don’t mind me asking, I wonder if you’re neurodivergent?

[IsaCEliza]

I have to have a partner who can get me out of my head. If I’m in it then I won’t orgasm. It sucks cause I hardly can orgasm from masturbation. I need someone who is gonna keep me focused on the current task and keep me in my sub-headspace.

[Jo****]

Could be a multitude of factors. But if you are comfortable enough in it. Talk with your partner. Then that can alleviate some of the mental anguish that could be holding you back. Your "plumbing" works just fine, you just gotta figure the best way to "flush" it when youre ready. Communication is one of best factors and there are also mental ailments that can be the cause. It happens with men too. Can be a cause of early, delayed or no release with a partner. I say that as a man with ADHD that just happens to be very open. It is something that has caused me to delay for a very long time. Not always a bad thing, except when it comes to the internals. Not only mentally but physically. I ended up urinating and ejaculating clots of *** from the stress I was putting on myself. Caused myself prostatitis. That was one thing. Mentally, I was wracked with despair and more wondering if I was really doing as much as I hoped in pleasuring the women I was with. Don't get me wrong, i am still a pleasure monger. I still focus on pleasuring my partner to the fullest and beyond. But now, since I've learned more than just basics in communication on it with whomever I am with and it makes things flow perfectly for both of us. It allows for a different comfortability. I always thought I was a good conversationalist, I was but as honest as I am, I wasnt always on the right topics. Years ago I came to that and im telling you now, it will make things flow better for both or however many involved. That could be your hang up. There can be many reasons but start at opening up communication. I hope it works for you. But getting yourself centered will open up your channels to release. I have more advice on this from a medical standpoint as well. If you need more information let me know.

[Pa****]

9 hours ago, FaQ2 said:

Please just message me if you have real advice to help. I cant even see my comments anymore. This is frustrating.

You have Verified Profiles Only turned on... so the site wont allow msgs into your inbox, or sometimes comments to show up, from most people on here ;)

[Daddybrains]

First, find a partner whose ego can withstand you not climaxing; there should be no pressure on you to climax, and your partner should not put you in a position to fail.
Second, relax and lean in. Realize that, in this moment, the other person is there for you - for your pleasure - for you to use - even if you are submissive. You are on top. You are the one doing things to your partner with their consent. You are the top. It doesn’t take away from your submission; it is part of your service.

[La****]

I was actually dealing with the same problem for a long time, and it mainly came down to anxieties around what my performance should be and the way I might be judged or perceived by others. I was also in a similar situation where I was able to achieve orgasm via self-stimulation, but not with others. During the act with another person, whenever I felt like I was going to orgasm, I would focus entirely on trying to make that orgasm happen, which originally only made things more difficult. I was no longer thinking about the erotic aspects of the sex; my partner's body, their moans, the expression on their face, but instead thinking about how I can orgasm and how frustrating it was to not be able to orgasm in the past, which are not erotic thoughts. Ironically, the best way I found to orgasm is to not try to orgasm at all. Try to let your body naturally seek the pleasurable aspects of intercourse, and when it feels like you might orgasm, try not to freak out and desperately sprint to the finish line.

[OT****]

I think it can help sometimes to just do what feels good in the moment and not worry about how it will end. Building pleasure that feels good then feels good for its own sake and is satisfying in of itself and not because it leads to something else.

Being relaxed and happy with a trusted partner is key for me. I like my body to get to know my partner’s body and that can take a while.

I orgasm best when I’m not thinking about orgasm. Let me lose myself in pleasure and just feel, not think.

This gets difficult when I am in my dominant role. So I often separate the two out - this is for the pleasure of control (and often mainly for her pleasure) and that is for my pleasure.

I’m working on integrating it all into one 🙂 and I’m not going to worry about it too much.

Ultimately people are not porn, and my orgasms come from strong connection with a living person that I feel at one with, and not from addiction to body shapes or types or certain sex acts done in a certain way. All of which are very nice but give me strong connection with your soul any day of the week over anything else.

[iS****]

Talking dirty can help in moments like that

[Gothicclover]

I've wondered the same think so what I've found is. When you and your partner are having sex and you are so stuck in your head and having a hard time having an orgasm. The best way to help is to have your partner give you praises like calling you a good girl (if you like that) or telling you you're doing a good job. Making you feel comfortable and relaxed and just talking to you how ever you like. Having your partner praises you or just talk to you it can help you relax and hopefully get you out of your head so you can orgasm.

[iS****]

Makes the mind involved as well