You have a vanilla friend that's curious about the lifestyle..

[wo****]

Monday at 04:01 PM, Chopperfreak said:

I speak in the term she because I am a straight male Dom. It doesn’t mean I am not understanding and inclusive of other dynamic setups. But my reality is as a straight male with a female sub so it will continue to be a SHE and you can choose to personalize my message to fit your dynamic. Have a great day.😎

What if it’s a platonic male friend who leans Dom? OP didn’t provide anything besides vanilla and friend.

[ra****]

I wouldn’t say that I was vanilla with topic I’ve definitely had some exposure but could not fully explore with like-minded individuals

[ra****]

It feels good though to learn about different personalities, and different dimensions that we can take our minds to and think outside the box and transport ourselves into a place we can fully submit without all that overthinking because were limiting ourselves to accommodate others when you meet a community and individuals that are on the same page you can create a formula that works for you

[JackJonesHull]

Sit down with them.
Get the snacks and drinks out.
Just start the conversation.
Questions, answers, laughing, etc.

Then whatever they're then comfortable doing. Probably munching.

[wo****]

12 hours ago, raleigh903475 said:

I wouldn’t say that I was vanilla with topic I’ve definitely had some exposure but could not fully explore with like-minded individuals

Are you the vanilla friend, or just someone who relates and is sharing their experience?

[ma****]

OK, I’m new here and I do have a question exactly what is munching?

[R3****]

Make them feel comfortable, validate whatever they feel and are going through and let the conversation slow and be honest

[Ba****]

Yesterday at 06:14 PM, manteno936525 said:

OK, I’m new here and I do have a question exactly what is munching?

I can only go by hearsay but i understood it as basically a family-friendly(isch) get together for the deviants
More of a casual “mask off” kind of thing for people that have a more of less fixed difference between their in character persona/role/position and their everyday person and a less intimidating way for new people to connect to established groups than for example a dress code event at a dungeon
If you not just new “here” go to a few just so experienced people can tell you what you need to look up for safety reasons

[wo****]

3 hours ago, Barthold said:

I can only go by hearsay but i understood it as basically a family-friendly(isch) get together for the deviants
More of a casual “mask off” kind of thing for people that have a more of less fixed difference between their in character persona/role/position and their everyday person and a less intimidating way for new people to connect to established groups than for example a dress code event at a dungeon
If you not just new “here” go to a few just so experienced people can tell you what you need to look up for safety reasons

I heard the word munch in a different context before joining any online community. A woman referring to a man who enjoys eating p**sy as a munch. It confused the heck out of me when I first read about an “online” munch. lol

[Ba****]

19 hours ago, woburn169344 said:

I heard the word munch in a different context before joining any online community. A woman referring to a man who enjoys eating p**sy as a munch. It confused the heck out of me when I first read about an “online” munch. lol

Oh i think that originally comes from calling “dykes” “carpet munchers” but i assume it was discontinued from popular discourse as offensive vocabulary
At least if calling men who like eating p*ssy munch was still a thing in this millennium i’m confident that i would have heard it before

[Me****]

My go to is laying naked on a bed blindfolded using a silk scarf tied in a single not and telling them if the knot moves I stop and go down them if the knot moves stop wait 5 min then start again

[NS****]

I'd lend them my copy of "Playing Well with Others: Your Field Guide to Discovering, Exploring and Navigating the Kink, Leather and BDSM Communities"
And then offer them free run of my kink library: S&M, shibari, erotic massage, M/s theory, etc.
If they want to discuss anything or explore anything, I could either help them with that directly, or find people/resources for them. For example, I'm not a sub, but I know a handful of submissives that would likely be happy to share their experiences.
I'd also try and introduce them to the community: help them find a local munch, show them some of the local groups like MVK that run munches and dungeon parties which are friendly to curious newbies
My overall goal with them: Provide basic foundational knowledge, foster curiosity, build community, help guide and grow as much as is necessary... unless they become an annoying shit 😂

[Ba****]

18 hours ago, NSFW_Gamer said:

I'd lend them my copy of "Playing Well with Others: Your Field Guide to Discovering, Exploring and Navigating the Kink, Leather and BDSM Communities"
And then offer them free run of my kink library: S&M, shibari, erotic massage, M/s theory, etc.
If they want to discuss anything or explore anything, I could either help them with that directly, or find people/resources for them. For example, I'm not a sub, but I know a handful of submissives that would likely be happy to share their experiences.
I'd also try and introduce them to the community: help them find a local munch, show them some of the local groups like MVK that run munches and dungeon parties which are friendly to curious newbies
My overall goal with them: Provide basic foundational knowledge, foster curiosity, build community, help guide and grow as much as is necessary... unless they become an annoying shit 😂

Good to see that not everyone here automatically operates under the assumption that “curious friend = noob on the quest for self discovery”, hell some even self servingly assume “curious friend” has to mean “inexperienced female submissive”, while completely disregarding that any “curious friend” can also potentially be a “tourist on the quest for novelty and entertainment” and while i personally don’t have any “community” experience i just have to operate according to the rules of my friend groups aka i’m the asshole when i release a new asshole into the group
So your in order approach of providing material and guidance for self discovery, slow introduction at the individual level starting with people of perceived similar interests before throwing new people into the larger community is quite refreshing

Do you have some more educational titles in your library you would be willing to share here
The only educational books i have at hand are “lee harrington’s shibari you can do, japanese rope bondage and erotic macramé” 1 and 2, “rogue hojojutsu by douglas kent” basically a light introduction to bondage the martial art and a more historical compilation textbook about *** and capital punishment throughout history
Well i have some more books about psychology, sexology and sexual psychology but i wouldn’t list them here because of how disappointed i was at how irrelevant they turned out to be for this topic
The rest is mostly games like “strive for power by maverik”(decent game, bad porn), a few made by the people at “dumb koala art” and things like that “raptus by redstarstudios”(the only thing in my library i can only recommend with the caveat that if this doesn’t make you feel physically sick at some point seek professional counsel)

[NS****]

2 hours ago, Barthold said:

Good to see that not everyone here automatically operates under the assumption that “curious friend = noob on the quest for self discovery”, hell some even self servingly assume “curious friend” has to mean “inexperienced female submissive”, while completely disregarding that any “curious friend” can also potentially be a “tourist on the quest for novelty and entertainment” and while i personally don’t have any “community” experience i just have to operate according to the rules of my friend groups aka i’m the asshole when i release a new asshole into the group
So your in order approach of providing material and guidance for self discovery, slow introduction at the individual level starting with people of perceived similar interests before throwing new people into the larger community is quite refreshing

Do you have some more educational titles in your library you would be willing to share here
The only educational books i have at hand are “lee harrington’s shibari you can do, japanese rope bondage and erotic macramé” 1 and 2, “rogue hojojutsu by douglas kent” basically a light introduction to bondage the martial art and a more historical compilation textbook about *** and capital punishment throughout history
Well i have some more books about psychology, sexology and sexual psychology but i wouldn’t list them here because of how disappointed i was at how irrelevant they turned out to be for this topic
The rest is mostly games like “strive for power by maverik”(decent game, bad porn), a few made by the people at “dumb koala art” and things like that “raptus by redstarstudios”(the only thing in my library i can only recommend with the caveat that if this doesn’t make you feel physically sick at some point seek professional counsel)

I haven't unpacked the bulk of my library after moving, but I'll see what books I have on hand or remember enjoying
"Playing Well With Others" - Lee Harrington and Mollena Williams, 2012
"The Ethical Slut, Third Edition" - Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton, 2017
"Ultimate Guide to Kink" - Tristan Taormino, 2012 (Similar to Playing Well With Others, but not as well written IMO. Still pretty good)
"Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice" - Dr. Robert J. Rubel, 2007 (apparently there is a new edition I desperately need)
"More Than Two" - Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert, 2014 (just learned there is an updated version of this too)
"SM 101" - Jay Wiseman, 1996 (absolute must read classic. Master Jay is a legend in the Leather community, and this is like a kink Holy text)
"Erotic Home Photography: How to take your own nude portraits" - Tom Ang and Wendy Ang, 2004 (have yet to get any use out of this personally, but seems pretty comprehensive for anyone wanting to take sexy pics of themselves or others)

And that's all I have at the moment. I have a handful more around here, mostly pertaining to M/s & D/s relationships as that is my main kink. If you like rope work, try looking up Two Knotty Boys. They have some old tutorials on YouTube (which I hope are still up), and have put out some good books showing how to do knotwork.

[Ba****]

Nice
I’ll probably get the photography one first
Most photos of women I’ve taken wouldn’t look out if place in a textbook about crime scene photography from the late 70s to early 80s so it’ll be nice to do that intentionally for a change^^
And maybe the “holy book” after that

While didn’t only ask for myself, I’ll be waiting the the update
But do settle down and relax first, moving is usually a bitch so no need to hurry yourself for random strangers

[Ba****]

2 hours ago, NSFW_Gamer said:

I haven't unpacked the bulk of my library after moving, but I'll see what books I have on hand or remember enjoying
"Playing Well With Others" - Lee Harrington and Mollena Williams, 2012
"The Ethical Slut, Third Edition" - Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton, 2017
"Ultimate Guide to Kink" - Tristan Taormino, 2012 (Similar to Playing Well With Others, but not as well written IMO. Still pretty good)
"Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice" - Dr. Robert J. Rubel, 2007 (apparently there is a new edition I desperately need)
"More Than Two" - Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert, 2014 (just learned there is an updated version of this too)
"SM 101" - Jay Wiseman, 1996 (absolute must read classic. Master Jay is a legend in the Leather community, and this is like a kink Holy text)
"Erotic Home Photography: How to take your own nude portraits" - Tom Ang and Wendy Ang, 2004 (have yet to get any use out of this personally, but seems pretty comprehensive for anyone wanting to take sexy pics of themselves or others)

And that's all I have at the moment. I have a handful more around here, mostly pertaining to M/s & D/s relationships as that is my main kink. If you like rope work, try looking up Two Knotty Boys. They have some old tutorials on YouTube (which I hope are still up), and have put out some good books showing how to do knotwork.

Damn meant to “Quote” you in the comment above

[NS****]

1 hour ago, Barthold said:

Damn meant to “Quote” you in the comment above

Thanks mate, this move has been very challenging for various reasons. I'm scared I might have lost large portions of my book collection. My kink collection in particular is one that - while small - I've always taken pride in and add to whenever possible.

But I also lend out books to vanilla friends who are starting to explore kink. I've lost a book or two that way in the past

[To****]

First rule: do not start by making them watch Fifty Shades of Grey
That film doesn’t introduce BDSM…it introduces a very expensive red flag collection😏

I’d start by not introducing kink at all….

When someone is skittish but curious, the biggest mistake is throwing labels, gear, or fantasies at them too early. BDSM isn’t the entry point... trust and understanding are

What I usually do is:
• Talk values before practices. Consent, communication, boundaries, aftercare, emotional safety. Once they realise kink is actually more intentional than vanilla dating, a lot of *** drops away.
• Demystify it. Explain that BDSM isn’t about *** or extremes by default. It’s about negotiated dynamics, choice, and mutual responsibility
• Let curiosity set the pace. I answer questions honestly, but I don’t lead them toward anything. If they lean in, I meet them there. If they hesitate, I slow down
• Introduce community gently. Articles, discussions, or a low pressure munch are far better than play spaces. Seeing normal, respectful people matters.
• Normalise “no”I make it clear that exploring doesn’t obligate them to like or do anything. Knowing they can stop at any point is what actually allows exploration

From a Dominant perspective, how you introduce someone says a lot about you. If you rush, persuade, or romanticise intensity, you’ll scare them off or worse, override their instincts

A good introduction feels calm, patient, and unremarkable
No pressure. No performance. Just information and space

If they belong here, they’ll step forward on their own.

Summary : Patience, clarity, and respect... that’s the real introduction

[Ba****]

9 hours ago, TomWhttt said:

First rule: do not start by making them watch Fifty Shades of Grey
That film doesn’t introduce BDSM…it introduces a very expensive red flag collection😏

I’d start by not introducing kink at all….

When someone is skittish but curious, the biggest mistake is throwing labels, gear, or fantasies at them too early. BDSM isn’t the entry point... trust and understanding are

What I usually do is:
• Talk values before practices. Consent, communication, boundaries, aftercare, emotional safety. Once they realise kink is actually more intentional than vanilla dating, a lot of *** drops away.
• Demystify it. Explain that BDSM isn’t about *** or extremes by default. It’s about negotiated dynamics, choice, and mutual responsibility
• Let curiosity set the pace. I answer questions honestly, but I don’t lead them toward anything. If they lean in, I meet them there. If they hesitate, I slow down
• Introduce community gently. Articles, discussions, or a low pressure munch are far better than play spaces. Seeing normal, respectful people matters.
• Normalise “no”I make it clear that exploring doesn’t obligate them to like or do anything. Knowing they can stop at any point is what actually allows exploration

From a Dominant perspective, how you introduce someone says a lot about you. If you rush, persuade, or romanticise intensity, you’ll scare them off or worse, override their instincts

A good introduction feels calm, patient, and unremarkable
No pressure. No performance. Just information and space

If they belong here, they’ll step forward on their own.

Summary : Patience, clarity, and respect... that’s the real introduction

Not many objections but a few things seem off to me

Since we are basically talking about someone who is just expressing a potentially new curiosity a lot of this seems kind of rushed
At this stage all exploration, guided or otherwise, should be their self exploration so concepts like aftercare, boundaries and consent while generally important are not really all that relevant for a while

Also not sure how extensively you meant it to be but demystification should not reach beyond telling them the difference between fantasy and actually practicable reality

Lastly i disagree that for a “good introduction” to anything being unremarkable is a good thing

Ps: there are worse “bad examples” you could use to explain “why we don’t do what” and “what could be done under which conditions” than the 50 shades movies, most people already know about them and chances are no to low it’s what got the curious in the first place

[Re****]

Take them to a few munches

[je****]

Slowly introducing them to like minded people