Rejection…

[Se****]

… Get Over It!

I’m seeing the same pattern over and over again, and it’s getting tedious. Someone sends a message, doesn’t get the reply they want, and immediately goes into one of two modes:

- The begging phase - “please please please”, endless messages, guilt-tripping, pressuring, trying to wear the other person down.

- The tantrum phase - when begging doesn’t work, suddenly the recipient is “fat”, “ugly”, “not worth it anyway”, or whatever other nonsense someone can spit out when their ego is bruised.

None of this is adult behaviour, and it certainly isn’t compatible with a community built on consent, respect, communication and trust.

Here’s the simple truth:

Rejection is normal. It happens to everyone.

You’re not entitled to anyone’s time, attention or interest. If someone doesn’t want to talk, meet, play or explore with you, that’s their right. You don’t need to understand it, you don’t need to analyse it, and you definitely don’t need to punish them for it.

So here’s how to handle rejection like a grown-up:

- Take it on the chin - “No thank you” isn’t a personal attack.
- Reply politely if you reply at all - a simple “No worries, take care” is enough.
- Don’t send follow-ups trying to convince them.
- Don’t assume silence is an invitation to persist - it isn’t.
- Don’t lash out when you don’t get the outcome you hoped for.

If you can’t handle a basic “no”, you’re not ready for any kind of dynamic with another human being. Respect is the bare minimum here.

Act like an adult. Keep your dignity.

And if someone’s not interested? Move on. There are plenty of people on here.

SD

[FE****]

51 minutes ago, SensuousDom said:

… Get Over It!

I’m seeing the same pattern over and over again, and it’s getting tedious. Someone sends a message, doesn’t get the reply they want, and immediately goes into one of two modes:

- The begging phase - “please please please”, endless messages, guilt-tripping, pressuring, trying to wear the other person down.

- The tantrum phase - when begging doesn’t work, suddenly the recipient is “fat”, “ugly”, “not worth it anyway”, or whatever other nonsense someone can spit out when their ego is bruised.

None of this is adult behaviour, and it certainly isn’t compatible with a community built on consent, respect, communication and trust.

Here’s the simple truth:

Rejection is normal. It happens to everyone.

You’re not entitled to anyone’s time, attention or interest. If someone doesn’t want to talk, meet, play or explore with you, that’s their right. You don’t need to understand it, you don’t need to analyse it, and you definitely don’t need to punish them for it.

So here’s how to handle rejection like a grown-up:

- Take it on the chin - “No thank you” isn’t a personal attack.
- Reply politely if you reply at all - a simple “No worries, take care” is enough.
- Don’t send follow-ups trying to convince them.
- Don’t assume silence is an invitation to persist - it isn’t.
- Don’t lash out when you don’t get the outcome you hoped for.

If you can’t handle a basic “no”, you’re not ready for any kind of dynamic with another human being. Respect is the bare minimum here.

Act like an adult. Keep your dignity.

And if someone’s not interested? Move on. There are plenty of people on here.

SD

Mod note: we don't normally allow topics that don't involve discussion but this is a lesson that needs to be drilled home.  Because of the begging and tantrum phases, it's often why people don't reply at all and ghost or 'ignore'.

 

To the OP: I moved it into the Kink Academy as it will be seen by the most people there.

[Na****]

My method for dealing with rejection was always to put that feeling in a fire, jump over the fire and get over the feeling like an adult. Works great for jealousy in non monogamous relationships.

[GP****]

Great words of wisdom good sir the gentle but firm words of a gentleman who understands the lifestyle on the hierarchy

[Se****]

omg, yes!!!!!

[Deleted Member]

Can’t always get what you want

[da****]

Yeah people act up weird

[gu****]

I wish more Doms would be like this. Even when I deem them as unsuitable for me I still want to keep the default feeling of respect for them just because it makes me feel safe and happy as a sub.

[Do****]

Couldn't agree more.

[Ri****]

Well said. Thanks for sharing.

[TimberTara]

You can’t take it personally, but of course it’s personal not everyone is for everyone. There’s no crime in trying.

[Gi****]

Amen Sir!

[al****]

Thank you for this! This is wonderful. I always try to be polite and answer any message I receive even if it’s just to say, “Thank you for your message but I not available or I don’t feel we are compatible. Have a great day!” So many times I’ve been cussed out or like you mentioned above, called ugly, fat, etc. or telling me I’m wasting their time being here or asked why I’m here if I’m not open to play. I truly hope a lot of people read your post.

[ey****]

Completely agree 👍

[Su****]

I agree but I do think that is polite for somebody to say sorry thank you not interested or something along those lines to me that's just common courtesy but yes not everybody's going to like you let everybody's going to hate you that's life

[In****]

Ive had this so much from men over the years. I used to say im afraid you're not my type but then I'd be bombarded with well why aren't I your type. What is your type etc.
So I changed to afraid not for me. Or sometimes although I felt rude if just delete the message because I couldn't deal with the sulking from saying no thanks.

Me personally im so used to being rejected that im like ok cool and move on.

[mi****]

Damn, some people need to just grow up really.

[AKA_Copper]

As someone who is currently feeling rejected this is all well and good advice and, fortunately I'm not behaving as some may which you initially describe but 'taking it on the chin.'
However, it's often rather challenging to not feel disheartened by it having put yourself out there and taken a risk, particularly if it's not something you do often. The urge is certainly there to seek clarity/reassurance, whatever you want to call it but, you're right and I'm a big advocate of not being entitled to someone else's time or energy if its not explicitly being given.
.
As an aside though, the whole idea of 'this' being a 'community' is one I don't agree with. Community, for mean means a group with shared values and ethics, a common interest that brings about cohesion, I dont believe that that description is relevant to kink/BDSM or any related app. Just my view.

[JJ****]

Well said and everyone, mostly the guys on here, need to read and understand this. It's a tough world out here anyways, and can be hard enough to meet people in a safe and respectful kinda way... in short, don't be a dick, accept, and move on!

[ti****]

I have had a couple throw tantrums when i told them no thanks. I just blocked them and moved on. Most have been respectful about it and moved on.
I dont feel like a no reply should be taken to seriously. I have opened the app to 12 new messages before I dont have the energy to respond to everyone.

[Ba****]

THANK YOU!! The amount of people I have to block just because they can’t be patient for my reply or don’t respond “great” to my rejection is crazy. I understand it hurts when you’re really interested and the recipient isn’t but harassment and belittling isn’t going to change their mind! From experience the best you can do for both parties is just continue on your way bc someone else who is interested might be waiting.

[me****]

Amen

[Go****]

I use the pass feature so they can't message me again. The majority of the time I reject is because they're too far away or too young/old for me, but on occasion they're just not my type. I've been told not responding is not how a submissive behaves 🤣🤣 So the passing feature helps me avoid jerks who don't get how consent works.

[Gentlemandom47]

I agree with the core of this, and I think it’s worth naming what’s actually happening underneath the behaviour you’re describing.

 

Both the begging phase and the tantrum phase come from the same place: entitlement mixed with fragile ego. One is an attempt to extract consent through pressure, the other is an attempt to regain control by devaluing the person who said no.  Neither is about connection, and neither belongs anywhere near kink.

 

In any healthy dynamic - vanilla or BDSM - rejection isn’t a failure, it’s information. It simply tells you there isn’t alignment. That’s not something to negotiate, punish, or argue with.

 

What worries me most is when people frame persistence as “confidence” or “dominance.” It isn’t. Dominance without emotional regulation is just insecurity with volume. And submission that can’t tolerate a no isn’t submission at all - it’s validation seeking.

 

Silence is also a boundary. Not a puzzle. Not a challenge. Not an invitation to escalate.

If someone can’t handle:

- not being chosen,

- not being replied to immediately,

- or not being wanted at all,

then they’re not ready for intimacy,

let alone a power exchange that requires trust,

restraint, and self awareness.

 

Dignity matters. How you respond to rejection says far more about you than how you

perform when things go your way.

Respect isn’t optional. It’s the baseline.

[Or****]

If not getting a response to a message is rejection than it almost always happens to me. But I just don't say anything, it is what it is.