How would you feel?

[Quil]

My question is about etiquette. 

 

I am a new dominant and have been an exclusive relationship with an experienced submissive for a year. A past play partner and a good friend of hers, texted my girlfriend saying he had some frustration he had to work it out and she should sub for him. She said no. He knows she is in an exclusive relationship.

 

Is it appropriate for him to ask this?

I feel disrespected by him

Should I feel flattered?

[Ma****]

Personally ild kick the shit out of him. But i wouldnt tell you to do that..
It is disrespectful. But she said NO. so shes with you. Thats all that matters.

[IrishPuppy]

I agree. It’s a bit disrespectful but at the end of the day she choose you

[Fe****]

Etiquette is a rather subjective thing.......to each person it means different things....a person's own relationship with their ego n tastes
She declined........that says alot about you!
If his intent was one of direspecting you,well he only disrespects himself only. ?
Is it appropriate,maybe not ,if totally aware of your dynamic's protocols.....but yes take some solace as a balm for his slight......take as flattery on Your current dynamic.
Big tribeVibe🙏. .....be safe in these bizarre times n keep it kinky....🙏🙏🙏

[Sir-Roaddogg72]

As one that has been in the lifestyle for 30+years, I find it disrespectful that he didn't come to you and discuss it with you first. As her current Dom you are the one tasked with her protection and well-being. Of course you would then discuss it with her if you felt okay with it within certain parameters. But the fact that she not only turned him down and told you all about it spoke volumes to her loyalty. Reward her accordingly.

[Deleted Member]

I would be on the warpath, but to be fair that may not be the right way to proceed. Not only is he disrespecting you, he is also disrespecting her, firstly by putting her in this position and secondly by assuming he can just pick her up as if she's some toy to be played with and then cast aside when done. Hmmmm a good friend? I'm not so sure about that

[Deleted Member]

Sounds like he needs some manners knocked into him, start between his legs!
🔥🔥🔥

[Fe****]

56 minutes ago, Firewitch said:

Sounds like he needs some manners knocked into him, start between his legs!
🔥🔥🔥

@Firewitch...Ma'am.....🙏🐺🙏...do love ya stylie ,young lady......succinct!

 n here woz eYe, applying diplomacy learnt from Ye guid selfe,honestly in changed perspectives.........

forgot 🐺🔏......🙏🔥🙏

[Deleted Member]

I think it's incredibly disrespectful. I'd be saying something personally. All he has to do is speak to you in the first instance. Etiquette means nothing to some folk.

[Deleted Member]

No my friend you shouldn’t feel flattered he on the other hand he should be flattened . He certainly needs that arrogance challenged.

[LanceH]

I am a cad. I admit it. I will blow right past a vow in a second. However, I would never disrespect a dom/sub in that way. To myself it is disrespectful to both of you. Both as people, and to your status as dom or sub. He should have taken the time to approach you dom to dom. His talking to her disrespects her submission, as well as her choice.

[Wo****]

He disrespected you both, as human beings, as well as your dynamic.

[Si****]

Your sub need to rethink the company she keeps. Be happy knowing she told you and she said no. He is an ex for a reason, and knowing limits clearly was something he never understood. Unless you intend to stamp your foot and jump all over him for it, then let it go and move on. Clearly she feels more for you than him so see that for what it is. I have Doms trying it on with my sub all the time. They get nowhere fast. Focus on your sub and your own house, leave others to their their own failings.

[Koby]

For me, this is not about BDSM or etiquette, this is just plain disrespect. It's like asking a married women for hanky panky.

I wouldn't feel threatened or flattered, I actually feel pity for the other person. It's a sad attempt at disrupting another person's relationship. 

 

[LazyPirate]

This is massive disrespect to the established dynamic of things. I also feel that his frustration that he ‘has to work out’ is potentially dangerous behaviour if the only way he can manage this is through her subbing to him

[Deleted Member]

Sounds as if the guy does not have boundaries. If someone came to me and honestly asked me to do that I would be very offended that they thought that was suitable to request. In my mind its the same as a guy asking you to sleep with him when your with someone else. I wouldn't have no problem with my partner going and having it out with him for being so disrespectable. But I would of already come down on the guy for offering that up, when he knew I was in a partnership. Personally I would distance myself from this person as he seems to not know his boundaries. 

[Deleted Member]

On 2/2/2021 at 1:59 AM, Quil said:

My question is about etiquette. 

 

I am a new dominant and have been an exclusive relationship with an experienced submissive for a year. A past play partner and a good friend of hers, texted my girlfriend saying he had some frustration he had to work it out and she should sub for him. She said no. He knows she is in an exclusive relationship.

 

Is it appropriate for him to ask this?

I feel disrespected by him

Should I feel flattered?

Some people seek what they want regardless of others. They are neither worth the time nor energy. It took me a long time and a lot of *** to learn this. If you are both happy, that is probably enough of a dent to the narcissist’s ego. 
 Sounds like a power trip. And he lost. 

[Deleted Member]

She said no and that’s the most important outcome. The rest is not worth talking about it unless there is some psychological research about it. 

[HellDweller]

here is how i see it...A true Dominant is Dominant in all aspects of his life.

Personally, i will always go for what i want. If a sub has a dom, its entirely up to her to choose.

But That will not stop me for trying.

In the past, when i met other dominants, i dominated them too in conversations for example, and they admitted saying that a dom is a dom until he finds a more dominant. At that point they know their places. 

I think that you should feel flattered and proud that she stayed with you ;)

[ca****]

46 minutes ago, HellDweller said:

here is how i see it...A true Dominant is Dominant in all aspects of his life.

Personally, i will always go for what i want. If a sub has a dom, its entirely up to her to choose.

But That will not stop me for trying.

In the past, when i met other dominants, i dominated them too in conversations for example, and they admitted saying that a dom is a dom until he finds a more dominant. At that point they know their places. 

I think that you should feel flattered and proud that she stayed with you

Does this mean (in your opinion) (these are all opinions peeps!!) that a 'true dominant' (as you say) - is therefore a disrespectful person? And perhaps just cannot control that aspect of their personality?

[HellDweller]

i see what your saying.. 

personally i found complex the idea that respect per se is unidimensional.

lets say i know you. and we are friends. surely i would not go for your sub even if i liked her. that is respect towards you and our friendship.

Equally if im on the street and i see a collared girl and i really like her, surely i would test her loyalty.

Ultimately its always the sub that makes the choice.

Lets say im an a..hole and i go for your sub and she chooses me...well you have your answer.

Also as a dom, i have no insecurities whatsoever because if my sub is hit on by people and stays...i know. if she leaves i also know. so its a win win in my opinion

its nice discussing opinions :)