Am I a brat?

[Deleted Member]

My personality type is the debater. I like to lead too and make my own decisions. I love to test men whether they can outsmart me or whether they'll lose their cool. I dont know if i could handle my fantasies of a dom in reality tho. I feel like when a man would get rough or embarrass me i might even cry... The thought of not having any say of what'll happen makes me wanna cry but then again i dont want to have any control but to be in their mercy!? I actually feel like i just want to be outsmarted in a way that im cornered and i have to do whatever he wants without him getting too rough physically.
I wonder if im a brat cause i like to challenge men. .. At least the thought of that intrigues me and the idea of them outsmarting me plus them being unexpectable. I dont know about spanking and tying tho... Never tried it and never really fantasied about that part. I dont really like ***.... What am i? Can i handle a dom? Where to start? I have never done this stuff before but lately realized this might be for me.

[freddiewoodville]

Step by step start off by submitting softly giving yourself no *** let your dom explore you find your pleasure then when you are begging for more....

[Bo****]

Welcome, Minabunny!

Two cornerstones of BDSM are 1) communicating boundaries when first connecting with someone and 2) the ability to renegotiate those boundaries at any time, either relaxing or tightening them based on your mood or experiences.

You have EVERY right to say that you want to feel submissive to a man and you don't want him to be physical with you. Yes, domination and physical *** *often* go hand in hand but there's no BDSM guidebook that says that always has to be the case. 

The Dom/sub relationship should start with the mental side anyway. If you're looking for an intelligent man to make you feel safe and secure and small (in all the best ways), then any good Dom should be able to understand that. Not every Dom may want that sort of relationship, but that's okay too, right? It's about finding someone whose kinks line up with your own. Be vocal about your boundaries and I'm sure you will find your man.

Lastly, and super important, in a D/s relationship, the submissive ALWAYS has control. This is sacrosanct. The sub ALWAYS has the power to say no, stop, I'm not comfortable with this, and the Dom should stop immediately (with a smile on his face) and do whatever needs to be done to get you back to an emotionally safe place.

To summarize:

1.  You don't have to be okay with physical domination to find mental domination
2. The submissive ALWAYS has control of the situation with a good Dom
3. Communicate early and often to ensure your partner understands your boundaries

Good luck!

Edited February 15, 2021 by BoulderDom
Clarification

[Deleted Member]

A good Dom would never put you in a position where you are upset or are not enjoying yourself. Communicate with them and set clear boundaries and a safe word. That way you are not in control of the direction of the sex, but not in any danger or uncomfortable. And always start soft/gentle/slowly and gradually increase as you gain experience

[skykink]

Hey challenge me dare ya ...
I'm a master debater been one for years 😉

[lion872020]

Was going to reply but Bigminit and Boulderdom have covered it really nicely. Communication between partners is key.