Red Flag: Can travel but can't accommodate

[ey****]

5 hours ago, SirGreen said:

Can you imagine a couple living together, but both hiding the exact same kinky ideas and desires in *** the other would not understand?

There's two scenarios I've often put out as being, well, less than ideal.

The first is two people who have something they'd both enjoy doing, but aren't doing, because they're both afraid to tell the other.

The second is a kinda... where both people are doing something because they think it's what their partner wants.

Imagine a D/s relationship where the Dominant is giving the sub tasks/play they don't like but they're doing it "for their Dominant" but the Dominant doesn't actually enjoy them either but think it's what the sub wants.

 

[ey****]

there is something I sometimes oversimplify also

But there are a lot of people who don't think their partner would understand who've, simply, never told their partner.  Perhaps through some form of *** of losing them or whatever.  And, there are some of the people in the cheaters category who've simply never had that conversation - they felt it easier to approach someone they know does enjoy certain play rather than raising it with their partner.

But I guess sometimes the *** of mindset could also be

"I have these fetishes will you do them with me?"

If yes, no problem. If no...

"I would still like to try them, can I possibly do them with other people...?"

If yes, no problem. If no...

Then doing it anyway, they know their partner isn't cool with it.  And a change in behaviour "Oh, I suddenly work extra hours for no extra pay" or whatever is going to arouse suspicion. "No you can't go out and get spanked by someone else", and then suddenly coming home with suspicious marks...  So, I think there's a pre-empt on the conversation.

 

[Ky****]

can travel but can't accommodate doesn't necessarily mean they are cheating, I know ppl who live with elderly relatives or in conservative areas who really cannot host ppl

[Charl-5017]

On 2/21/2021 at 4:41 PM, SirGreen said:

lol Im not single, and when people ask me about that im very open about it (Im one of the lucky ones where my partner is also on this and other sites). If someone says they are in a relationship but the other half is not into kink, I would still want to hear it from the partner that they know about whats going on.

 

My situation is consensual, but I doubt I could get my guy to have any contact with you to tell you that.... 

 

 

So, this thread has made me think about something that is slightly off topic but is linked to the idea of being honest with play partners we find online. 

 

I'm looking for specifically female play partners, and have my partners permission to do so. If I am specific in saying that my long-term partner is a male, I will get more unwanted messages from men trying it on, and women have turned me down in the past because of it  - the worst combination of bi-phobia and fetishising bisexual women.

If I don't mention their gender, then the whole thing goes much smoother. 

Now, because I'm ideally looking for a longer term friends with benefits situation, I don't want to lie about it. However I can see why listing yourself as a lesbian and saying your partner gives consent would be an easier option for others in my position.