Female Orgasm

[si****]

Tuesday at 10:01 PM, thejackofhearts said:

Agree her orgasm comes first. Mine own is not easy any more, but as a sub,I see that as my problem, not hers.

You are mentioning the same dynamic. Don't blame yourself. As in discussions here, it is interactions of people. Educating the other is what ***ps are mentioning mostly

[si****]

Tuesday at 10:49 AM, Mrsavagefun said:

I think that communication with your sexual partner is important and understand what they like and don't like and play in there likes so they can finish but the other thing is that women vibrate there clits to death and reduce there sensitivity to pleasure but that's my opinion.

You bring up a good point. " women beat their Clitoris to death ". In other words they know what works for them. With a partner involves interacting with another - two people need to learn each other. ** that's more involved than teaching yourself **

[si****]

** per sex research; men AND women can achieve orgasms in 8 to 11 minutes. **

So. What is happening in the real world? There are a lot of learning points mentioned above.
" education " is quite complex. 1. M and F don't know all physical aspects of their own bodies. >> our education system leaves a lot to be desired. Understanding mind /body physiology takes more learning.

Enter; upbringing. Depending on your social upbringing there are restrictions, taboos, lack of openness in exploring, learning of each of our functioning.

Then. Add a partner. Gets more complicated and more time for learning another person is needed. Not as simple as saying listen. Both partners are not on the same education, psychosocial levels. Need more time yet again.

Trying to put the burden or blame the other just adds stress and anxiety on the other. Hence I hear of urgency and lack of satisfaction.

Remember: sexual arousal comes from within yourself. Many mentioned orgasms ok on their own. But change parner dynamics makes differences. Mentioned; married before, previous partners. Changes in desire and experiences noted above.

Learning/unlearning/relearning becomes comes complex again and time consuming.
Mentioned- trauma. That involves a big circle like from upbringing, restriction, taboos, relearning, coping with sense of loss and RElearning.

Blaming throws up another wall.

I'll mention my own experiences.
Biology education was excellent cuz of excellent teacher. BUT, NOONE taught me about interacting with another. Add. I grew up in very strict Catholic upbringing. Luckily, my friends (more female) understood this more than I. They were gentle and patient. Wanting to please was not the issue. Overcoming other psycho-social issues took longer.

Late ***s are was Ejaculating earlier than I wanted. More psych trauma. We adjusted. I would only penetrate when she about to cut. LOTS of learning of the other person.

Medical side; I didn't know for a decade why I was Ejaculating earlier. Not common for men at that age. My prostate was growing more than expected in my late ***s. I couldn't sit comfortably in school.
Lots of adjustment in learning and learning partner too. ( I don't mean learning Medical knowledge. That came a decade later).

I have to continually learn my partners. I always encourage my partner to tell what they like etc. But is not clear cut. Day to day it changes. Can't verbalize in the moment. Lots of continuous learning of movements, listening/ becoming aware of ( VARIOUS) sounds. It is a long dynamic process ( exciting I might add).

Now. Change a partner- more long term learning.

I accept sex with partners is not clear cut. Not the same everyday! It's a long interacting learning game of more than one person.

Not every woman knows all my sensual areas of my desires.

Have fun learning/teaching/relearning and EXPERIMENTING!

OH don't forget to incorporate aids/toys.

[Ne****]

17 minutes ago, simplemedicine said:

** per sex research; men AND women can achieve orgasms in 8 to 11 minutes. **

So. What is happening in the real world? There are a lot of learning points mentioned above.
" education " is quite complex. 1. M and F don't know all physical aspects of their own bodies. >> our education system leaves a lot to be desired. Understanding mind /body physiology takes more learning.

Enter; upbringing. Depending on your social upbringing there are restrictions, taboos, lack of openness in exploring, learning of each of our functioning.

Then. Add a partner. Gets more complicated and more time for learning another person is needed. Not as simple as saying listen. Both partners are not on the same education, psychosocial levels. Need more time yet again.

Trying to put the burden or blame the other just adds stress and anxiety on the other. Hence I hear of urgency and lack of satisfaction.

Remember: sexual arousal comes from within yourself. Many mentioned orgasms ok on their own. But change parner dynamics makes differences. Mentioned; married before, previous partners. Changes in desire and experiences noted above.

Learning/unlearning/relearning becomes comes complex again and time consuming.
Mentioned- trauma. That involves a big circle like from upbringing, restriction, taboos, relearning, coping with sense of loss and RElearning.

Blaming throws up another wall.

I'll mention my own experiences.
Biology education was excellent cuz of excellent teacher. BUT, NOONE taught me about interacting with another. Add. I grew up in very strict Catholic upbringing. Luckily, my friends (more female) understood this more than I. They were gentle and patient. Wanting to please was not the issue. Overcoming other psycho-social issues took longer.

Late ***s are was Ejaculating earlier than I wanted. More psych trauma. We adjusted. I would only penetrate when she about to cut. LOTS of learning of the other person.

Medical side; I didn't know for a decade why I was Ejaculating earlier. Not common for men at that age. My prostate was growing more than expected in my late ***s. I couldn't sit comfortably in school.
Lots of adjustment in learning and learning partner too. ( I don't mean learning Medical knowledge. That came a decade later).

I have to continually learn my partners. I always encourage my partner to tell what they like etc. But is not clear cut. Day to day it changes. Can't verbalize in the moment. Lots of continuous learning of movements, listening/ becoming aware of ( VARIOUS) sounds. It is a long dynamic process ( exciting I might add).

Now. Change a partner- more long term learning.

I accept sex with partners is not clear cut. Not the same everyday! It's a long interacting learning game of more than one person.

Not every woman knows all my sensual areas of my desires.

Have fun learning/teaching/relearning and EXPERIMENTING!

OH don't forget to incorporate aids/toys.

Not to derail or distract the thread, but, WOW. You've put in effort to word nearly every (if not every) aspect concerned with this subject, and done so with intelligence, incredible understanding of both the subjects at hand and toward others, an awareness seldom seen and hardly iterated, and all with lack of insult. I don't know who you are or what you're like (irrelevant mostly, heh) but I want to say kudos and thank you for writing this out and sharing it here.

[si****]

1 hour ago, NexumSange said:

Not to derail or distract the thread, but, WOW. You've put in effort to word nearly every (if not every) aspect concerned with this subject, and done so with intelligence, incredible understanding of both the subjects at hand and toward others, an awareness seldom seen and hardly iterated, and all with lack of insult. I don't know who you are or what you're like (irrelevant mostly, heh) but I want to say kudos and thank you for writing this out and sharing it here.

Thanks for reading. I saw something that you sent me a gift (?). I am not familiar with FET. So didn't find a place to say Thank you. I am in Minneapolis. ( simplemedicine) . New to FET. Still exploring Minneapolis area. Not many responses. I try to stress i enjoy more with building on connections. I may come off as too vanilla. I am a mellow heart. (OK. I may have explored some but not familiar with FET terms. I can't say I want to try all I hear. Friends can probably gently get me to try new things. Have to find friends first. Ha ha). I am definitely not fulfilled in sexual, sensual and social areas. Positive; i have found one i can exchange jokes, etc with. Can't wait to give her a BIG hug whenever it is we meet.

Thanks, NexumSange. HUGS
====

I can't keep replies short ( hence not good at texting). Lots of variables and experiences to consider. And all circumstances are continually changing/evolving. Much good relevant info was added by other readers. I try to point out blaming/accusing doesn't help. Makes worse.
Making someone feel bad sets them and other readers back in gaining info/confidence.
We are ALL part of the education, communication of experiences, desires, AND enjoyment of Sex and social interactions. And sex is healthy.

[Raven_Darby]

I am one of those women who have had issues with being able to climax. A lot is due to past trauma and my upbringing, though all the blame doesn't lie there. I've had partners (yes, even long term ones) who just didn't believe in foreplay.

I never pushed, and stopped requesting when my requests were met with statements like "you should get yourself ready for me."

It got so bad that I reached a point where I hated being intimate. It became something I just did because it was expected of me, which didn't help the situation any.

It's important that we listen to our partners and have a mutual respect for one another, and our needs, both in and out of the bedroom. Communication really is key.

[si****]

Yesterday at 03:12 PM, Raven_Darby said:

I am one of those women who have had issues with being able to climax. A lot is due to past trauma and my upbringing, though all the blame doesn't lie there. I've had partners (yes, even long term ones) who just didn't believe in foreplay.

I never pushed, and stopped requesting when my requests were met with statements like "you should get yourself ready for me."

It got so bad that I reached a point where I hated being intimate. It became something I just did because it was expected of me, which didn't help the situation any.

It's important that we listen to our partners and have a mutual respect for one another, and our needs, both in and out of the bedroom. Communication really is key.

Thanks for sharing. It is so real. Glad you recognize "blocks" - from upbringing, from others not responding, others not receptive to types of touch, romance, timing, ...
"Communication" is not easy when partners are not aware of the other's attempts of wanting different approaches.

I fully agree that various activities out of the bedroom influence different types of communication. Not surprisingly, little touches, soft verbal exchanges tend to open channels for both making little changes in interactions.

Short term / at times of active engagement - so difficult when the other is set in ways of how they respond. When they put the burden on you. It is so demeaning/demoralizing. Those blocks can't be changed in the moment.

Keep your awareness your sensual desires. I always hope some will be satisfied at other times/situations, with other people. Hugs

[si****]

Saturday at 03:04 AM, wbl51265 said:

I’ve read through all the comments, I was not surprised by the number of guys who said she needs to communicate. The number of times I (we) have communicated without being listened to is mind blowing. Yes, there are women who don’t or haven’t communicated. There have been SOOOOOO many time I (we) have told our partner “yes right there”, “don’t stop”, “keep doing that”, the list is endless.

Then there are the guys who are told “I’ve never orgasmed with a partner” who respond with “you will with me.” In my experience they are the ones who put in the least amount of effort.

Then there are women who have had some form of sexual tr@um@. This is going to be a huge barrier.

The bottom line is this, if anyone wants their female partner to orgasm listen to what she is saying. When she says “right there”, “don’t stop”, “keep going” keep doing EXACTLY what you’re doing. Also if she is say, “ouch”, “slow down” “not so hard” “that hurts” listen.

Nine times out of ten she is telling you what she needs, you just have to listen with your ears.

For the love of all this stop telling us your going to be the one who will makes us orgasm. You can think it all you want, just know, words are cheap, action speaks volumes.

I wish others would be more involved in verbalizing specific needs at times of actions. ( you seem quite direct. For others it is difficult to verbalize, but i hope other ways are also used; direction by guiding hands. Also, gentle conversations afterwards.

I find there is so much communicated with (various) sounds, subtle movements. I always hope I am satisfying some desires. Not all will be exactly as desired at any one moment . But I hope some are. Helps build togetherness.

But more challenging when we have new partners. More learning /teaching/challenges.

I agree tra@ma of any level sets so much back. There is the uphill rebuilding of wanting to trust and wanting companionship. My sympathies. Hugs

[si****]

February 24, TheAfterAffect said:

You'd be surprised to find out that yes, most women have issues with a romantic partner making them come. At least in my experience, all romantic partners have never truly cared. However, since I've started my sexual and kink journey to heal and learn I find a LOT more men actively try to not only make me come, but won't stop still I can't anymore. And many times won't come themselves either until later or not at all.

Sooooooo Happy for you! Enjoy being a woman! Strangely, I have been that person. Wanting to keep my partner going as long and often as she can. ( with a few breaks for breathing). Yes. And sometimes I didn't cum. With cuddling snuggling in each other's arms, that was a peace of heaven. It may not happen all the time but the "aim to please " is filled!

I've accepted that Women can enjoy sex soo much more than men. So. Why not have her enjoy for as long as she can? I am pleased when my partner is pleased.
I enjoy "theAfterAffects" - excuse the pun. Hugs

[si****]

Saturday at 03:04 AM, wbl51265 said:

I’ve read through all the comments, I was not surprised by the number of guys who said she needs to communicate. The number of times I (we) have communicated without being listened to is mind blowing. Yes, there are women who don’t or haven’t communicated. There have been SOOOOOO many time I (we) have told our partner “yes right there”, “don’t stop”, “keep doing that”, the list is endless.

Then there are the guys who are told “I’ve never orgasmed with a partner” who respond with “you will with me.” In my experience they are the ones who put in the least amount of effort.

Then there are women who have had some form of sexual tr@um@. This is going to be a huge barrier.

The bottom line is this, if anyone wants their female partner to orgasm listen to what she is saying. When she says “right there”, “don’t stop”, “keep going” keep doing EXACTLY what you’re doing. Also if she is say, “ouch”, “slow down” “not so hard” “that hurts” listen.

Nine times out of ten she is telling you what she needs, you just have to listen with your ears.

For the love of all this stop telling us your going to be the one who will makes us orgasm. You can think it all you want, just know, words are cheap, action speaks volumes.

Dear White Bear Lake. I remember reading something another time too. Trauma ( whatever it is - don't let others belittle what occurred.). Involves a huge sense of betrayal/loss of trust/empty feeling/ never wanting to be near . Hope you will allow time. Time heals. Makes you change directions. All part of coping. You'll explore and enjoy different experiences. Best wishes. HUGS

[lo****]

In my experience a large portion of men think they are gods gift to women and the best that ever was in bed but the reality is that they are not even close to what they think they are. I was probably somewhat like that at a young age but over the years I’ve had some very good FWBs that were very vocal and transparent about what they like and general tips and about what guys do they don’t like. I’ve never been one to not listen to another person or take criticism to heart and close my way of thinking off because someone critiqued my skills in the bedroom or skills at anything for that matter. I’m very open minded. So I’d learn a few things for one person when it was time to part ways or we couldn’t see each other anymore I’d luck up and find another woman that was the same way. So in part I was shaped by the women I had encounters with but one thing that always stood out above all was how different each one was compared to others. I read one guy say something to the effect of get her off first or worry about hers before your self and that guys are easy and someone else say they don’t have to get off ever time as long as she’s taken care of. Both of those statements are how I feel as well and shouldn’t be over looked when the sex is good for her it’s gonna be better for you too. Had I not listened to them or not have asked about their and likes/dislikes had I tried to just do the same thing over and over then I wouldn’t have an understanding about how things work. We are always evolving in our sexuality hopefully for better and not for worst. Take your time learn your partner. Women are not a cookie cutter one size fits all thing. Each one is completely different and worth the time to figure out what makes them tick. You can tell that just by reading their comments on this topic here. 9 times out of 10 if they aren’t getting her off it’s the guy not listening or not caring enough that she is satisfied as well. Whatever the situation put some effort into her and more then likely you’ll be giving the same back

[ra****]

As an older woman, the best thing I ever did was find other women who are willing to have open, honest, conversations about sex and our bodies that I felt awkward and uncomfortable about when I was younger.

I’ve always enjoyed sex but not being able to have an orgasm with a man was something I just accepted was going to be hit or miss for a LONG time.

As I got older, more secure in myself and my physical appearance, and more knowledgeable about the different kinds of orgasms a woman can have, I am much more confident giving feedback or just taking charge, temporarily to make sure that I’m satisfied, too 😂

Only problem now is that I know exactly what I like and have discovered what it takes for me to have what seems like an endless amount of them back to back, so I am finding myself having to tell men that when they get tired of me being selfish, they’re going to have to toss me around to find a position they like better 🤣