What kind of man do you need?

[wb****]

You make good point and some are off the mark, in my opinion. Hang with me please.

I think what we have seen isn’t so much a decline in masculinity as an unwillingness to accept toxic masculinity as acceptable.

I believe the man you describe as: steady, beside them, leans into responsibility, knowing the diff between bravado/strength & silence/ stoicism, knowing themself, stand with, integrity, teach, mentor, guide, listen, care, forge trust, protect, provide, other feel safer around, calm. This man is the form of masculine people want.

There is a huge difference between wanting and needing another person in our lives. Those who want to have *** will at some point need at least part of the other gender. As opposed to wanting to have someone in their life (as spouse or life partner) for an extended time.

The choice to be single can and does come from a myriad of different reasons. To boil it down to a few simple reasons is not only unfair, it’s is also wrong.

As a population we are vastly different from previous generations. Both men and women have different wants in life and different expectations.

I believe (just my opinion) what women want is probably pretty close to what men want. Someone who will respect them, treat them with kindness and understanding. Someone who will listen to what they are saying versus hearing what they think is being said. Someone who will stand next to them instead of in front or behind them. Someone who they can 100% with knowing the other is also going to give 100%.

[mr****]

Does anyone think the issue could be generational I’m gen X so biased. But I think the new generations and the way people date with these apps now and the way we socialize plays a part issue

[Ga****]

“Stripped our world of the masculinity it needs.”

What a crazy thing to say lmao

[ar****]

The Manosphere got him

[si****]

2 hours ago, san-luis-obispo66044 said:

I need a man to get stuff off the top shelf

🤣😂😂

[sn****]

You're not wrong. My man grounds me and helps me regulate my emotions. I do enjoy doing things myself. So he lets me. And when he steps in it's because I bit off more than I can chew. Then tells me it's ok, and that the job was harder than it should've been. Lol. And that I broke it because I turned it too hard the wrong way.
He just called me to see how I was doing because I was a wreck when he left for work. It's because he does those things that I know everything will infact be ok.
And yes, that all translates to the bed as well.
I may not NEED a man, but I need him. And he's my man.

[ma****]

This take is so laughable. It’s always the woman’s fault for a man’s downfall - loss of masculinity, the male “loneliness” epidemic, incels. Instead of looking within and doing the work, and ffs, seek therapy, it’s easier to place the blame on the one thing you cannot obtain.

[ey****]

6 hours ago, mrwindell said:

Does anyone think the issue could be generational I’m gen X so biased. But I think the new generations and the way people date with these apps now and the way we socialize plays a part issue

generational but not quite for the reasons stated

it wasn't that long ago that women did need men - and that in the sense of they couldn't have a bank account, place of their own, hell - even go to a bar - without one.  So the kinda societal structure favoured men and so for women it was often taking someone who'd do.

The kinda issue is that advice is passed down through generations, in both families and in older TV/films where this very much was a structure - hell, even not so old TV/films written by people of a prior generation. And a lot of men don't know how to deal with the fact that women no longer need a man.   Of course, for many reasons they may want one, or see benefit in one.  But the traditional kinda structure is gone.

On the flip, of course. Perhaps an important learning for men would be that we also don't need a partner. This is something a lot of men don't get over and feel they've failed if they don't have one.  They haven't.

Apps are still only a tiny proportion in where people find long term partners. 

[Ga****]

6 hours ago, mrwindell said:

Does anyone think the issue could be generational I’m gen X so biased. But I think the new generations and the way people date with these apps now and the way we socialize plays a part issue

I think the issue is that boys are raised to have expectations of manliness that clash with the reality they find growing up. They are told they have to be strong, and not to cry or show emotions. They are raised with boy toys, which for some reason always seem to have angry expressions, and who are never toys expected to teach empathy: fierce warriors, cars, robots. They are taught that they have to protect women. And then they grow up and find that women don’t need them to protect them, that we distrust them as protectors, that the hardness they were raised to show doesn’t serve them as well as the empathy they were taught to bottle up would. And this dichotomy between what they’re told they should be and what society allows them to be makes things difficult for them. Is why so many of us are here: the power dynamics in life contrast those we were all raised to expect, and we come here to explore them. Some of us to return a semblance of power to men, some men to take it back, others to give it up even further. It’s why there’s such a return to bigotry and conservatism. Our generations of men were raised to fill a role there’s no more room for in modern society. So of course some ill adjusted men will become toxic, abusive, homicidal. And some women will feel guilty about having “taken” men’s power and return it by giving up their own in life, too, and take their place beneath a man. That’s not our place (unless we so choose in sex). Our place is next to a man, if near him, or very fucking far away if he hasn’t figured out the era of the caveman is past, and he needs to evolve to be a functioning member of society.

[Fu****]

4 hours ago, snacksb4smacks said:

You're not wrong. My man grounds me and helps me regulate my emotions. I do enjoy doing things myself. So he lets me. And when he steps in it's because I bit off more than I can chew. Then tells me it's ok, and that the job was harder than it should've been. Lol. And that I broke it because I turned it too hard the wrong way.
He just called me to see how I was doing because I was a wreck when he left for work. It's because he does those things that I know everything will infact be ok.
And yes, that all translates to the bed as well.
I may not NEED a man, but I need him. And he's my man.

Well said!

[Fu****]

29 minutes ago, GabsGabsinG said:

I think the issue is that boys are raised to have expectations of manliness that clash with the reality they find growing up. They are told they have to be strong, and not to cry or show emotions. They are raised with boy toys, which for some reason always seem to have angry expressions, and who are never toys expected to teach empathy: fierce warriors, cars, robots. They are taught that they have to protect women. And then they grow up and find that women don’t need them to protect them, that we distrust them as protectors, that the hardness they were raised to show doesn’t serve them as well as the empathy they were taught to bottle up would. And this dichotomy between what they’re told they should be and what society allows them to be makes things difficult for them. Is why so many of us are here: the power dynamics in life contrast those we were all raised to expect, and we come here to explore them. Some of us to return a semblance of power to men, some men to take it back, others to give it up even further. It’s why there’s such a return to bigotry and conservatism. Our generations of men were raised to fill a role there’s no more room for in modern society. So of course some ill adjusted men will become toxic, abusive, homicidal. And some women will feel guilty about having “taken” men’s power and return it by giving up their own in life, too, and take their place beneath a man. That’s not our place (unless we so choose in sex). Our place is next to a man, if near him, or very fucking far away if he hasn’t figured out the era of the caveman is past, and he needs to evolve to be a functioning member of society.

I 100% agree with you! How I was raised and where, women always had more rights than men did, and I have no problem with that, because they’re our equals.

[Tr****]

Finally a description of masculinity that isn't about control but integrity and covenant as a woman who has navigated deep transitions I Don't need a hero I need a man who is steadfast enough to sit in the dark and strong enough to lead with his mind this is the only dynamic we're at the surrender

[Tr****]

Worth the surrender

[Tr****]

Precision. Real strength is found in responsibility and caring not bravado.

[Fu****]

19 minutes ago, TrACe_n-TeThEr said:

Finally a description of masculinity that isn't about control but integrity and covenant as a woman who has navigated deep transitions I Don't need a hero I need a man who is steadfast enough to sit in the dark and strong enough to lead with his mind this is the only dynamic we're at the surrender

Well you have be able to get in her head before getting in her body. So she can truly feel freed, safe, and be able to submit without worrying about anything she might do wrong or worry about baggage she’s been holding onto from the past

[AKA_Copper]

29 minutes ago, FunSin said:

I 100% agree with you! How I was raised and where, women always had more rights than men did, and I have no problem with that, because they’re our equals.

Where was this?

[Se****]

I mean the first thing that comes to mind is:

A woman NEEDS a man…

Like a fish NEEDS a bicycle.

And for clarity when I say woman/man I actually mean any human needing another - but the quote fits in the context of the post.

Save for a few very small exceptions (think those that rely on others to actually keep them alive) nobody actually NEEDS another person.

Wanting

Desiring

Looking for

Enjoying

Yes, perhaps. But NEEDING another, no.

However, a person may NEED the person they are in a relationship with to have certain qualities/traits.

This post screams mansplaining to “women” what they need based on a view solely from one lens. I’d be interested in knowing who the “many women” are that believe strength means doing everything alone - is this research based or anecdotal? I’m also interested to understand what your definition is of the masculinity you state the world needs? 

Edited March 2 by SerendipitousKeeper
.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, AKA_Copper said:

Where was this?

I'll venture to say the use of the word "rights" isn't accurate but perhaps we'll get educated on some far off society in which this is true.

[Deleted Member]

Man you’ve thrown yourself in a cage of lion(ess) here with your statements 😂
This take some guts and I congrats with you for this, I mean it..
I think this one of those places where, overall, more hetero woman thinks they don’t need a man or that man is good for nothing but let’s go trough it.

I think we should make a distinguo here in needing a man: is it related to needing a man in a relationship or in a society?

In the first case I’d say it depends: if I should consider that your message is directed to heterosexual woman there are many that are not heterosexual ergo they won’t be interested romantically and physically in man.
So needing a man in this case is doubtful and should be discussed.

From a societal prospective instead I think that man is needed more than many would like to admit.

That is my take on it

[M1****]

Men really just need to learn their lane, to understand our own value and stop pretending that we understand what women need…what everyone needs is for men to focus on themselves and grow to the point past believing they have the capacity, ability and right to even comment about this - let alone say it publicly and not be embarrassed

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, M134 said:

Men really just need to learn their lane, to understand our own value and stop pretending that we understand what women need…what everyone needs is for men to focus on themselves and grow to the point past believing they have the capacity, ability and right to even comment about this - let alone say it publicly and not be embarrassed

I don’t get what you are saying..
Ok I agree that improving is essential but I don’t understand the embarrassing thing that you are saying..
Can you explain it?

[Tr****]

2 hours ago, Australopiteco said:

Man you’ve thrown yourself in a cage of lion(ess) here with your statements 😂
This take some guts and I congrats with you for this, I mean it..
I think this one of those places where, overall, more hetero woman thinks they don’t need a man or that man is good for nothing but let’s go trough it.

I think we should make a distinguo here in needing a man: is it related to needing a man in a relationship or in a society?

In the first case I’d say it depends: if I should consider that your message is directed to heterosexual woman there are many that are not heterosexual ergo they won’t be interested romantically and physically in man.
So needing a man in this case is doubtful and should be discussed.

From a societal prospective instead I think that man is needed more than many would like to admit.

That is my take on it

I am not afraid to admit I need a man

[Tr****]

I admit I require a man for balance and challenge,to forge trust, to bring order and calm,to lead with integrity,to provide safety and to build beside.t
this allows my she/they energy to finally rest in a safe harbor also biologically a woman's nervous system can co-regulate with a grounded protective male presence also when he provides calm with his presence he can biologically help you shift out of fight or flight a man who provides safety triggers a release of the hormone oxytocin and a female
This hormonal response lowers cortisol allowing the woman to soften because she realizes she's safe beside a steadfast anchor not to mention the procreative drive your biologically built to respond to a man who doesn't run from responsibility but leans into it nature created men for balance designed for the women a man frequencey to challenge and sharpen one another while you are whole on your own your biology recognizes that standing with a man who loves without hesitation creates a structural integrity that a person doing everything alone simply cannot achieve your body isn't a cage it's a map it tells you that even the strongest fire needs a hearth to hold it

[Tr****]

6 hours ago, FunSin said:

Well you have be able to get in her head before getting in her body. So she can truly feel freed, safe, and be able to submit without worrying about anything she might do wrong or worry about baggage she’s been holding onto from the past

You show me a man who actually takes the time to do that and I will bow down and kiss your feet

[Deleted Member]

If "i dont need a man" stripped masculinity, was it even there to begin with?

There are many factors the go in the ion need a man movement, and a lot of that is on us as men.

Reproduction is the only true need of both a woman and man, everything else is open game (religion/culture may vary)

Instead of describing the perfect man, how about we hold the lacking ones accountable?