Nuanced Emotional Intelligence?

[Ja****]

I’m sorry that you’ve had this experience. We are out here. Distance, life, logistics, all take their toll, on top of that fact that as we are empathetic, we are hunted by narcissists as targets and are VERY often taken advantage of.

Caring is resource expensive. I’m on this site to find a partner to help fill my cups (I’m ENM w/nesting partner who I care for) we ARE willing to put in the energy, just if we’ve been around a while we’ve learned that we also need it reciprocated. Reciprocate and we LOVE caring and giving.

Some of the “things” I look for… right off the bat…can they listen? Can they HELP carry the conversation. Do they make the convo all about them? Or do they ask questions? Do they WANT to know about me. I read their face and tone to tell of these questions are genuine.

This is just one example. I’d love to listen if you want to chat sometime…just hit me up. We can talk about anything…. Or nothing at all if you just need someone to sit there.

Either way, hope this has helped. ❤️

[Si****]

I'll put it simply. Do they have accurate empathy and can they name and understand their own emotions. That's it.

[as****]

Tuesday at 07:09 PM, JaceTempest said:

I’m sorry that you’ve had this experience. We are out here. Distance, life, logistics, all take their toll, on top of that fact that as we are empathetic, we are hunted by narcissists as targets and are VERY often taken advantage of.

Caring is resource expensive. I’m on this site to find a partner to help fill my cups (I’m ENM w/nesting partner who I care for) we ARE willing to put in the energy, just if we’ve been around a while we’ve learned that we also need it reciprocated. Reciprocate and we LOVE caring and giving.

Some of the “things” I look for… right off the bat…can they listen? Can they HELP carry the conversation. Do they make the convo all about them? Or do they ask questions? Do they WANT to know about me. I read their face and tone to tell of these questions are genuine.

This is just one example. I’d love to listen if you want to chat sometime…just hit me up. We can talk about anything…. Or nothing at all if you just need someone to sit there.

Either way, hope this has helped. ❤️

I think you brought up some great points here, especially when you bring up reciprocation: often, I've found those emotionally repressed/stunted step back, shut down, avoid, and then blame their partner for being hurt. Reciprocation is the ability to keep functioning compassionately through the emotions. I've read before that our emotions all filter through the same door, so if you try to repress your negative emotions, you end up repressing all emotions because they function through the same door.

Anyways, I feelnyou when it comes to reciprocity, as all too often I will over function for my partner by filling in the bridge gaps and holes that they avoid, withdraw from, or are locked at a standstill. While those are inevitable behaviors is all people, the question is: what is the consistency and severity at which these behaviors are used? If they become the default when the chest becomes tight and firey, the throat burns. The back if the eyes burn, or the stomach clenches... it ***s the partner to pretty much over-perform to make up for what their partner won't/can't do.... and that becomes such a drain for the partner who is able to function through and with the emotions.

Listening is an excellent point as well, I've also found that sometimes I can't tell whether or not my partner and I are on the same page, so I'll ask him to summarize my meaning in his own words, please. Most men, admittedly, are ok with doing this! They don't mind! They enjoy taking the task to hand! But once I'm dating them, once the stakes are higher and the relational demands are more intimate.... it's a great way to see just how much your partner respects you and views you with dignity

[as****]

March 16, Lady_King said:

These people still exist. But, they are extremely rare. I blame it on the shift on societal culture where individualism and (fake) stoicism are pushed to the core immature unhealed people would got influenced into somewhat an entitled narcissistic pig. Unfortunately, the way you would recognize empathetic and genuine people are only with talking and spend a long time with them. Make difficult conversations about social issues. Someone’s political stance says a lot abt a person. When you got disagreement, pay attention to the way they navigate the anger and conflict. If they still can keep the right mind, and controlled behavior—they’re most likely good. The kindest people are usually loners though. Bcs they’ve known enough and wise enough to not fight with what they can’t change (society). Go to your local wholesome community like *** shelters, elderly/*** care, environmental movement.. they usually gravitate towards these cause. Do not get discouraged. You will find your tribe. Good luck.

I appreciate your points greatly, and I'm finding as well that time is a huge factor. I know we all know that you need time to see, but the heart often leaps ahead in its deep desire to bond. I've gotten to the point where I've discovered I can't even have sex with someone until I've bonded with them in other areas or else I'll end up facilitating a pseudo bond just through the alchemical reactions in the brain as well as our evolutionary biology to deeply bond (we bond so tight we can bond not only with ***s, but stories, pictures, characters, and objects, and we often personify them) anyways, I hear you on the political spectrum as well to a point: if they're someone who is deep enough to talk about basic talking points with a consistent view point: yes. That's an established identification.... but if they're someone who is inconsistent across political fields and also don't really know basic talking points, they may THINK they're republican when they're really a libertarian or centrist/southern Democrat.

But again, this brings up another very important point: the mutual questions and curiosity shown to one another: not just surface questions and curiosity... but the true kind. The kind that causes you to lean in.

I appreciated you and your words, thanks for taking the time to dileneate them!🥰🥰🥰

[as****]

My last message was cut off: I finished with:

Thank you for taking the time to dileneste your thoughts! I really appreciated what you had to say 🥰🥰

[as****]

Delineate 😭😭 not dileneste