Stop settling

[Da****]

I feel like there are people out there that need to see this. There is something to gain from the life experiences I have had, and the things those experiences taught me. I want to share with you one of my favorites.

Stop settling. You can apply this to any aspect in life. It drives me crazy when I see an amazing person accept less than they deserve. because they think they will never find better. ***, is never a reason to allow yourself to hold back from doing something you want to. It’s not a reason to lower your standards so you can find a less ****** piece of ****. It’s still **** just wrapped in toilet paper instead of out in the open.

Examples of what I’m talking about can be:

Convincing yourself that you can’t do something because you aren’t good enough or you don’t think you’ll be successful. So instead you stay stuck in that position instead of moving forward. (Not quitting that job that makes you miserable, staying in a relationship that makes you unhappy, etc.)
Letting an individual gaslight you into believing your standards and expectations are too high, not possible, and unrealistic. This is that persons attempt to shift the narrative so that they can keep their ego in tact. All the while also trying to put themselves on the playing field by getting you to lower your standards.
Accepting *** be it physical, mental or emotional because you’re afraid to be alone, think you won’t find better, or you’re in love with a version of that person that doesn’t exist. I see it all the time. Every person who’s done this that I’ve talked to says the same thing. “They use to be so wonderful. The guy or girl I met when we first started dating was perfect. I don’t know what happened, but I hope that one day it will return and that’s why I stay. Sorry but that person doesn’t actually exist. Some people are just really good at making people see what they want just to get their foot in the door. Then they stop being that person and revert back to who they really are because it’s impossible to sustain being something you’re not. The average person can go 3 month being something they aren’t. So stop dreaming about who you thought they were, and start paying attention to who they are showing you they are.
There are honestly so many examples I can give to you on what settling looks like, but the one thing I want you to take away from this is that you are worth it. Having standards, expectations and not settling, puts you on a higher playing field then most people, and often invites the right type of people into your life, while kicking the ***** to the curb.

Have standards, expectations. You deserve to be happy and if you are constantly settling you never will be fully happy, or satisfied. Why have a crumb when you can have the cake? The people, opportunities, and things you want are out there. It may be super hard to find, but if you are whole then you won’t care how long it takes to find the quality you desire. People tend to try and fill a void within themselves with another person and they accept subpar results because of it.

You are worth it, you deserve it and we only have this life. Be happy. You don’t have to stay stuck. It may look scary doing the things you need to but I promise you it’s worth it. Some people are just road blocks incapable of growing with you or being on your level. Jump over that bitch and get the things you want because no one else is going to make it happen but you. Stop letting YOU hold back you.

Love yourself, know your worth and don’t let anything or anyone hold you back, including yourself.

Tell me:

- What’s holding you back from doing something.
- Was there ever a time when you chose yourself and decided to be happy?
- Based on above question, what was it? Do you regret it or are you glad that you did it?
- Do you relate to what I wrote? How so?

[Deleted Member]

I needed to hear this. Lately, I've been struggling with be alone. Most of the time I am okay but there are times, I wonder why I didn't stay in places, keep a certain career path, or with a certain circle of people. I look back and realize that person in those places and times wasn't the real me. It was a masked version of myself trying to fit in and trying to be liked. I'm working hard to learn to like myself everyday and it's not easy for so many reasons. Your words were inspiring. I'm going to keep believing that I do deserve good things and that while I can't see them yet, they are out there. I'm just trying to be patient and live in the present.

[Deleted Member]

Just be who you are

[me****]

It's so true we as humans are absolutely stuck and get in our own way with self doubt I for one believe that we manifest our own reality and if you can get that doubt out of your head the sky is not the limit nothing is
Ps hey can you write me back I wrote you but I actually went off the page so I didn't get to send the rest of what I had written but it won't let me send you anything else until you respond to my text

[lo****]

I needed to see this right now. Thanks for posting it. Blessings to you and everyone that is settling (may they see the light) and those that have the courage to not settle.

[Ha****]

I've been in the lifestyle for 35 years and am in a polyamourous relationship but that takes a lot of communication and more communication but that's part of it. I've never settled for less because I demand greatness for my women to be their best selves.

[de****]

Everyone needs to join this app and live the lifestyle-an example of a message

[de****]

Good and decent constant significant others outside of this app aren’t enough. If the female is nicely kinky for example, and even if their partner is on bored, why give them a single day? Quit or find someone kinky immediately on here. Screw the former is a message

[de****]

Board *

[Gr****]

It was a good read, definitely something to think about. It definitely has me thinking.

[Li****]

I really like the positivity but a healthy person always has the ability to judge risk, retain realistic perspective and understand the grass isn't necessarily greener elsewhere - but where you water it.. and that's all part of being a well rounded human.

Yes it's easy to hold ourselves back and it's always good to question that.

However, I'm approaching 40 now and anecdotally, the people I know who divorced specifically because they felt they could do better found that wasn't strictly true. They could find people to fuck them, sure, but an actual partner who is desireable and would invest in them? Most of those people are already married at this point. The amount of divorce regret I've seen is wild and for those people, retaining high standards in the face of evidence that those standards will keep them alone now, is quite the sacrifice for a little positive thinking.

All my best relationships have been not with people who meet every standard in my mind, but meet enough of them and who, despite the flaws that are part of any human, I am drawn to. Sometimes it is the flaws that actual make someone special.

It's normal to feel some dissatisfaction over time but it's also crucial to retain perspective. For example, even at only 39 there's a growing list of things I haven't done and can now, never do. Pursuing those things would be delusional and I wouldn't end up happier for having tried. Every decision we make is at the expense of doing something else - and if we choose poorly it can be hard to correct in later life.

All anyone can do really is retain an open mind and engage honestly and openly. Dont enter into anything unless you really feel you want it, and if you want it any I checked boxes really don't matter.

[Cu****]

Wow. 🤯 I really needed to hear that. Interesting that I could hear that on a site like this. Thank you for posting this. Wish I would have read this months ago. You, are amazing. ❤️

[Sa****]

I decided to make the journey and medically transition for my happiness. Currently what's holding me back is,I don't feel the same way about women as I do men. My partner I met 4 years ago ( 1 year on hormones)and I felt very different than I currently do after spending 5 years on HRT. My worries are majority of guys won't date a trans woman probably because it for some reason it stirs up homophobic feelings that men just simply can't deal with most of the time. So I'm stuck unhappy and don't really know what to do. Finding a man who's open minded is difficult, especially when 99% of the guys in my inbox clearly have a thing for me but instantly run away whenever I reveal I'm trans.( Not always on this app ,as it clearly says I'm trans. So I will say that despite all that I'm sooooo incredibly happy nowadays and it's been the absolute best decision I've made in my life so far. I can definitely relate as far back as I can remember I would look at myself in the mirror on my birthday,then one year she said to me " hun ur not getting any younger, I promise you won't regret it". Still to this day 6 years later ,my only regret is not starting back in highschool.

[Deleted Member]

First off, thanks for your service! Second for me it was just like you described with my ex who never respected boundaries, she would cheat and lie, say horrible shit to provoke a reaction and I'd stay calm and collected because controlling impulses is key in life.I would have run but we were too broke to split. What I can tell you here is that a pretty face never constitutes a good partner and that everyone should know how to spot narcissistic behaviors and call it out. And sometimes getting divorced and letting go of garbage to save yourself is the most important lesson you will learn despite what you feel is "love", just like the water crash test watch where the bubbles go, find the way out save yourself.

Its been a few years now, I'm doing far better in life, I'll never be poor again and I know that my time is valuable and I'd rather be alone and meh vs letting someone disregard boundaries and me thinking I'm happy.

I hope we all find our people, and have patience and calm to remain steady, true to ourselves; before now and after forever.

[Sa****]

32 minutes ago, Auxxxen said:

First off, thanks for your service! Second for me it was just like you described with my ex who never respected boundaries, she would cheat and lie, say horrible shit to provoke a reaction and I'd stay calm and collected because controlling impulses is key in life.I would have run but we were too broke to split. What I can tell you here is that a pretty face never constitutes a good partner and that everyone should know how to spot narcissistic behaviors and call it out. And sometimes getting divorced and letting go of garbage to save yourself is the most important lesson you will learn despite what you feel is "love", just like the water crash test watch where the bubbles go, find the way out save yourself.

Its been a few years now, I'm doing far better in life, I'll never be poor again and I know that my time is valuable and I'd rather be alone and meh vs letting someone disregard boundaries and me thinking I'm happy.

I hope we all find our people, and have patience and calm to remain steady, true to ourselves; before now and after forever.

Glad to hear that you were able to heal and grow from this experience. Sorry to hear that it hurt you. Nobody deserves to be treated that way.

[Deleted Member]

42 minutes ago, SassyGRUNGEgiRL26 said:

Glad to hear that you were able to heal and grow from this experience. Sorry to hear that it hurt you. Nobody deserves to be treated that way.

I took it as a learning experience in self growth, it only hurt because I thought the ex cared, and sometimes leaving a comfort zone is the only way to find comfort and peace, regardless of the history of a relationship and complex emotions involved. To find someone who is honest and respect boundaries of agreements is the ultimate dynamic in a healthy relationship

[Sa****]

35 minutes ago, Auxxxen said:

I took it as a learning experience in self growth, it only hurt because I thought the ex cared, and sometimes leaving a comfort zone is the only way to find comfort and peace, regardless of the history of a relationship and complex emotions involved. To find someone who is honest and respect boundaries of agreements is the ultimate dynamic in a healthy relationship

Yeah can definitely relate to leaving a comfort zone to feel better, scary at first but it eventually evens out I feel in the end.

[Ju****]

Thank you for this.
You'll never know the magnitude of these words and how they have impacted those who they have reached, including myself. Thank you.

[th****]

Wow, yep. About the part where it takes 3 months for someone's facade to slip - that checks out from personal experience. Maybe 4 or 5 months in, I noticed something was off and it kept getting worse from there. It'll be a year in June that I left that bullshit in the dust, and every day I've been thankful I made that decision. I was settling for lesser.

[th****]

19 hours ago, SassyGRUNGEgiRL26 said:

I decided to make the journey and medically transition for my happiness. Currently what's holding me back is,I don't feel the same way about women as I do men. My partner I met 4 years ago ( 1 year on hormones)and I felt very different than I currently do after spending 5 years on HRT. My worries are majority of guys won't date a trans woman probably because it for some reason it stirs up homophobic feelings that men just simply can't deal with most of the time. So I'm stuck unhappy and don't really know what to do. Finding a man who's open minded is difficult, especially when 99% of the guys in my inbox clearly have a thing for me but instantly run away whenever I reveal I'm trans.( Not always on this app ,as it clearly says I'm trans. So I will say that despite all that I'm sooooo incredibly happy nowadays and it's been the absolute best decision I've made in my life so far. I can definitely relate as far back as I can remember I would look at myself in the mirror on my birthday,then one year she said to me " hun ur not getting any younger, I promise you won't regret it". Still to this day 6 years later ,my only regret is not starting back in highschool.

Congratulations on your transition. You look fantastic - the glow in someone's eyes after they've transitioned is unmistakable, every time. May you be ever blessed with health, wealth, and the warmth of your hearth.

[At****]

“Stop settling” hahaha oh… you’re like in your 20s huh? Everyone settles. Everyone. Yes even you. It’s part of a mature life and growing up.

I don’t have to convince you. Give it ten years. You’ll be right here too I supernuktra mega promise.

The reason you look around and everyone seems to be settling isn’t because you’re the unique super mega genius who figured out how love works.

It’s because that’s how life goes. And you’re heading for the exact same place even if you think you’re not. I super promise. I was 22 once as well you’re coming here with all of us “settlers” sure as sunshine wet as rain it’s called growing up. And you’re not a genius for saying what if I don’t get old?! You’re a fool for thinking you’re exempt from the way of the world.

[At****]

Wait guys why does everyone die of old age haven’t they ever just considered not settling for old age
Yes genius it occured to us n there’s a reason why we all end up here even tho the answer is obvious welcome to the party you didn’t independently discover maturity. You will settle. You will it’s coming. In one for or another. That’s just how it goes

[Sa****]

9 minutes ago, AtaraxianDreams said:

Wait guys why does everyone die of old age haven’t they ever just considered not settling for old age
Yes genius it occured to us n there’s a reason why we all end up here even tho the answer is obvious welcome to the party you didn’t independently discover maturity. You will settle. You will it’s coming. In one for or another. That’s just how it goes

Nobody that has commented about this is under 30

[At****]

That’s not better

[At****]

Me assuming this foolishness is immaturity from young ones is a kindness. If they’re full fledged adults with this mind set I was far too kind and the shame should doubke