30 year old virgin new to the community. Advice welcome

[Deleted Member]

This is my first foray into the community, though I have done a bit of research. I know kinda what I'm looking for, but I'm not really sure of what I'm doing, or the rules and expectations. I am a 30 year old female virgin who is looking to finally explore my sexuality with someone I can trust, but I'm not really sure where to start? I'm fairly certain I'm a sub, and I really want to be able to experience sex and kink in a way that makes me comfortable, but I just can't seem to open up to people in a typical dating scenario without feeling pressured to have sex right away. I do know enough about myself that I can accurately say I would prefer the type of Dom who is softer. I want to be pushed, but not in a harsh way I guess? IDK. Any and all advice would be welcome. 

[Deleted Member]

Morning 😊. Best advice I can give is treat the scene the same as a vanilla dating site, to start. Patience is key as is a thick skin, and any signs of disrespect or pressure youre well within your rights to ignore or block. For me if you are approached and they expect you to call them Sir/Daddy from the off that's a big red flag and they should be avoided, as after all they are not your Sir or Daddy. You owe nothing to anyone, and it's always a good thing to reach out to other subs especially for advice and guidance. Be honest if you do make a connection, be yourself and never be afraid to make it clear what you want from a possible play partner, your needs and happiness are just as important as theirs. Submissive does not mean stupid or easy, if they are genuinly interested in you as a person they will show respect and patience. Take your time, there is no rush 😊

[UK****]

To pick up on what you also said in your advert.  You should always feel safe, if you don't then you are picking the wrong person.  The establishment of boundaries is an important part of any pre-play negotiation.

It's in this time you can get a feel for the person your talking to.  A dom should always respect your boundaries and if you don't want play to include sleeping together then that should be respected as much as not wanting golden showers or any other item you put on a hard limit list.

A Dom can be encouraging and understanding of your reticence and by providing the ability to talk, to share your concerns allow you to explore in a time frame that you are comfortable with.

You should never be made to feel guilty or ashamed about those choices.

 

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I need to feel safe and respected, but most importantly I need to feel that I can set specific boundaries without feeling the pressure of being expected to sleep with a person. I need to feel like I can say no, explicitly, and not be made to feel guilty or ashamed about it

 

[Mo****]

Take things slowly, do not be rushed. There are those that will try.....do not feel bad saying no, block them if needs be. There are many good Doms here that will take time getting to know you and let you take your time. Always speak up if you're not sure about something, a good Dom will listen and understand and try and reassure you. 

I would also suggest making friends with other subs, message them and ask questions, chances are they will have been in similar situations and be able to give advice. I'm always happy to chat if you so wish.

[Ma****]

I suggest going out to munches and dungeons to meet and talk to people -- dungeons in particular for your first play/scenes, because in an open environment, people with bad intentions can't hide behind closed doors. Don't rush into playing with someone else. First visit at least once just to talk and take in the environment. Observe how other people play, and really think about what you may and may not be comfortable with before playing with anyone yourself -- and even for your first scene, don't be afraid to say no and start out slowly.

Research is good but it can only take you so far. I highly recommend visiting your local dungeon once you feel like you're ready for it.

[Deleted Member]

I think talking to fellow subs is great advice. After all they've probably asked all the questions us newbies have.