Maintaining standards

[Da****]

I think that one of the hardest things about maintaining standards that are important to you. That you refuse to lower just to have someone. Is that it’s really lonely. I am a person who craves connection. I’m intelligent, sensual and wickedly sexual. I’m also insanely picky.

Someone recently told me that I wasn’t being picky, I just knew from experience what would and wouldn’t work for me. They said it was discernment. If I think about it, yes in essence.. I suppose it is. I don’t let just anyone in my life let alone into my bed. The people who have access to me are few and far between.

I value my peace, my privacy and I want something that is mine alone. I get frustrated with the current dating culture of let’s hook up. Is it really so much to ask for an intellectual conversation without someone trying to dirty it up or send me unsolicited dick pics? I know men do it because it’s worked for them. I know some women are here to have fun and don’t really care about who someone is.

I guess that just makes finding what I’m looking for a little harder eventually I’m sure it will come along. Someone who is all mine and who doesn’t want anyone else. I see this couple on my for you page pop up often and it always makes me smile because I can tell without any words, just pictures, that she is his world. I think deep down every girl wants that.

So that’s why I don’t lower my standards, if I did I wouldn’t truly be happy. I have a lot to offer to the right person and on days like today where I wish I had my own Daddy to crawl in the lap of and rest my head on his chest, it just hits a little harder. I want that passion, the fire, the energy that makes me feel alive. I feel like I’ve been sleeping, that I haven’t felt anything in a very long time and my chest aches with the desire to be recognized, to be truly seen and to feel.

I don’t want casual because what I want is so much deeper and not at all temporary. It’s profound, life changing and once in a lifetime worthy. Anyone can have sex and a night of fun. I want someone who is going to challenge me, bring my lifeless body back from the dead and set my soul on fire. I know it’s out there… this is your reminder if you feel like this too, that you aren’t alone and it’s worth maintaining your standards. Don’t let just anyone have access to you. You’re worth more than that.

For those who have found exactly what you’re looking for, I’d love to hear your story. How has your life changed? Your sexual experiences? Your mood and energy?

[ne****]

Well said! I invest too much into my body and health to give it to just anyone.

[Ar****]

I am sure that it is out there - just not sure it is on this site. Well written and I hope you find it.

[fr****]

Hold true to your values. Continue to define your boundaries. Relax your expectations. Communicate, communicate, communicate. Good luck!

[Li****]

This was both sad and sweet to read. Thank you for empowering others not to lower their standards and sorry you haven't found your person. This speaks to me on a whole 'nother level and it's because this kind of bond SHOULD be so much more intimate, deep, meaningful. I know it sucks (for me too) we haven't found this and what you mention in that couple's photo. But we will. It's not letting societal expectations and standards lower the expectations of company over quality. I hope you find your person and it immediately let's you realise why it's so hard for us to find but so worthwhile clinging to the possibility of, whilst maintaining a happy standard on our own 🥰.

[fr****]

10 minutes ago, LittleSoulTease said:

This was both sad and sweet to read. Thank you for empowering others not to lower their standards and sorry you haven't found your person. This speaks to me on a whole 'nother level and it's because this kind of bond SHOULD be so much more intimate, deep, meaningful. I know it sucks (for me too) we haven't found this and what you mention in that couple's photo. But we will. It's not letting societal expectations and standards lower the expectations of company over quality. I hope you find your person and it immediately let's you realise why it's so hard for us to find but so worthwhile clinging to the possibility of, whilst maintaining a happy standard on our own 🥰.

It took me 50 years to find that kind of connection, I hope it doesn't take you as long, but it's worth the wait when it's right!

[Mi****]

This… 💛

[Li****]

48 minutes ago, fredburggirl said:

It took me 50 years to find that kind of connection, I hope it doesn't take you as long, but it's worth the wait when it's right!

Wow. I'm so glad you found it. I'm turning 29 this year and have been single a year. Haven't went on dates as am amicable as people are, it doesn't make them a love interest. As much as they don't like being told you don't feel that connection/attraction. I really hope it's everything we both make it if I find it ✨️🌄

[Deleted Member]

Damn, this writing is Absolutely Beautiful… And I feel it all within Myself… My issue is that I’m too open in showing myself to the wrong people or they’re just really good at disguising who they really are, till it gets out of hand and I start calling it out… Either way, I’m the loss… And I know this because on the spectrum of everything, I ain’t Shit in this world… But I still know what I bring to the table of anyone who lets me walk into their world…

I never come in with chaos or animosity, that comes with time… And time I’m time is always against me, never really for me… Meaning somehow, someway, it’s only my flaws that get seen after they’re drawn out… And then my whole world always comes crashing down… Because I always end up being the one who ends up alone while they just move on and jump on the next dick…

But at the end of this and every day that follows, I’m still me… I Love LOVE… Not just for what it is… But for what it is to start and what it can blossom into with the right person to build and or grow it with… And my biggest fault in all of it, I’m too Fucking Loyal and Forgiving… Especially after I’ve already been hurt deeply…

But in the end, I’d rather be Loyal and Forgiving than some piece of shit who goes out and cheats or leaves and jumps right into the next pussy… Not like I have it like that anyways… Sometimes I wish I had it in me to hate women enough that I didn’t give a shit about them for what the one prior to now did against me in cheating on me or leaving me for someone else who then cheated on them and left them high and dry… Which I then, didn’t even go at them… But I offered empathy for them in losing what they thought was better… I could’ve laughed at them openly… But then what kind of person would be if I did? Or how much better of a person would I be?

There’s more… But I think I’ve said enough of my thoughts on this to start… Have a Good Night…

[Li****]

35 minutes ago, Man-Bear-Dada said:

She needs a Grammer course

That was very unecessary. Someone comes and shares vulnerability with us, and that’s all you got? Keep it to yourself next time, you’re not contributing to anything.

[Li****]

Anyway, thank you for this post from the bottom of my heart. You took my *** and determination and put it into words. It is never lost to invest in yourself and your values… but it does get hard sometimes. I think it’s a game of patience, and I just know we will get what we are looking for. Let’s not forget to keep putting ourselves out there though, or our person might never find us 😅 but let’s do it while protecting ourselves and with kindness 😌

[Ju****]

My hope is when that person comes into my life, I can see through my minds fog enough to truly see the connection for what it is, and for what it has the potential to become, instead of being blinded, and allowing my ***s about the uncertainty of the future determine how I interpret what is in front of me. I don’t want to get lost in what might go wrong before I’ve even given something real a chance to exist.
My *** is that someday, I'll look back at my life and realize that I had pushed to the side something I should have instead taken hold of with both hands and fought like he'll never to let go.

[MadelineRose]

This is exactly where I've been for the last four months. I keep having these little "relapses" where I start to lower my standards a little bit and it's never a good idea.

[Suterusu777]

Gonna give a lot of you advice you should've heard a long time ago but people are afraid to tell you because they are afraid of social friction.

Just because you see a happy couple online doesn't mean they are genuinely like that or even that good together, capturing a single moment with media & letting that dictate how you see someone is not reliable.

In fact many people that excessively post about their lives in that manner are doing so because they lack something & are using the internet to feel better through the dopamine hit of a few likes.

Expecting so much of people in general like you have a hidden checklist they have to meet is a good way to end up alone & miserable, those close to you are often too afraid of social friction to do anything other than gas you up in that mindset too.

Of course you should be judging people based on their actions but having a billion prerequisites they have to meet before you've even experienced the content of their character to the point that they're competing with the fiction section of a library isn't going to end well for you as you'll be waiting decades for a perfect checklistee that may never come.

What's really important is how they treat you, leaning off balance for someone who can check every box off your list will make you flop to the floor while they likely have less reasons to be serious about pursuing you, a very often overlooked part is the perspective of the one rare person you'd want to pursue or to pursue you is that they aren't likely to feel the same.

[Br****]

I thought I was the only one here feeling this way. A few men tried to make me think otherwise, that I don't belong and I am being way too picky. Also, I hear that whatever I am looking for, I will never find it and it's all delusional. Now that I read you, I feel we think alike and there are so many of us. It feels nice. I hope we get whatever we are looking for. I am sure we deserve it; we deserve the best.

[BlueGrace]

I have grown a lot since I was 18 and entering the lifestyle. My standards have changed overtime. My thinking process has absolutely changed especially since my brain is now fully developed. It has taken years of education and therapy to get me to where I am today.

I no longer apologize for my standards. I no longer lower them or sway them to benefit someone. If that person cannot meet my standards then they aren’t the one for me. I will never apologize for being me or what I expect.

I am in a closed poly relationship with 4 Doms. I have been with 2 of them for 17 years and we live together. We have grown over the years. We have made significant effort to be better and do better. We haven’t ever had a fight. We rarely argue due to positive and healthy communication skills. We do have disagreements but those are small and are civil.

As humans, we all have flaws. We aren’t perfect and we never will be. We will make mistakes but it’s important to learn from that and correct the issues. I do feel that it’s important to have certain standards, otherwise you might find yourself with people that will *** and use you.

[Deleted Member]

I have the exact same problem. Yes at times it’s lonely but it’s much better to be lonely than healing from another potentially toxic situationship. Stay true to yourself and the right one will eventually cross your path. I explicitly state on my profile I don’t participate in hookup culture or scene play. It’s not fulfilling for me. It’s empty and full of risks. I have toys for when I’m feral and they pose ZERO risk of STI/STDs and no baggage comes with them plus the toys are guaranteed to get me off, every single time.