Discourage and Hopeless😮‍💨

[to****]

5 minutes ago, Bambi1288 said:

I'm kinda of a nerd so I wrote my venting down on my notebook on my app and copy and paste it on this formula I didn't realize I was doing that🤷🏾‍♀️ I guess when I got those last messages it upset me to the point I started writing that's what I do. If that was the case it wasn't intentionally...

Nothing wrong with being a nerd. I’m a geek 🤓😂
It didn’t come across badly I just assumed (possibly wrongly) that as I am quite near your location I was blocked from messaging you for being too old. Hence my concerns. Sadly the longer I spend on here or indeed any kink site, the more I hear of ‘men’ being immature and whilst age doesnt eradicate it, it might restrict or promote it 😬.
Glad you’re staying though.

[Bambi1288]

9 hours ago, Bambi1288 said:

I'm kinda of a nerd so I wrote my venting down on my notebook on my app and copy and paste it on this formula I didn't realize I was doing that🤷🏾‍♀️ I guess when I got those last messages it upset me to the point I started writing that's what I do. If that was the case it wasn't intentionally...

I don't think I but a restriction on age🤔 I have to check and see about that... Glad to meet a fellow nerd well geek😅

[Scarlettmiss25]

100% I've been let down tons of times on this app and thats not even including the messages like "ur sexy" or "wanna fck" like dude I've made my profile so clear the only way it could be clearer was if I inserted it into your eyeballs 😅

[pomonagirl]

When things open up in your area (regarding COVID regulations) do consider attending events such as munches, BDSM/Kink classes & mixers, even dungeon parties! Meeting people in person rather than online is completely different. You may not find a long term partner but, you will meet a lot of interesting people and have the chance to have (or observe) some really interesting experiences!

If you go to some events (try to go to a wide variety of events hosted by different groups/venues if possible), go with the expectation of meeting a few people and learning some things about Kink/BDSM.

Meeting people that actually live in this lifestyle in real life is a really cool experience. You might meet someone that you can explore things with, or just some new friends/friendly faces. Either way, being able to talk with people that are actually in the lifestyle face to face is completely different than getting messages online from horny men. LOL!

Being in a group setting is also (somewhat) more safe than going on a one-on-one coffee meet up or date.

"Online dating" really sucks and not in the good way. (LOL!) Seems like a lot of men just use it as a way to spam women for sex (or whatever fetish they wish to indulge in).

And I know that men get spammed too (mostly by "scammers") which just makes the whole cycle worse for us "real people".

When i look back on my "love life" and "dating life" (I'm 44, never been married so yeah. A lot of years of dating!!), I see "online dating" as ok to do if you are just looking to date or hook up.

But pretty much every long term relationship I have ever had (long term meaning over one year) was with men that I met "organically"/in the real world, like at a party, concert, even on the bus.

[Bambi1288]

2 hours ago, pomonagirl said:

When things open up in your area (regarding COVID regulations) do consider attending events such as munches, BDSM/Kink classes & mixers, even dungeon parties! Meeting people in person rather than online is completely different. You may not find a long term partner but, you will meet a lot of interesting people and have the chance to have (or observe) some really interesting experiences!

If you go to some events (try to go to a wide variety of events hosted by different groups/venues if possible), go with the expectation of meeting a few people and learning some things about Kink/BDSM.

Meeting people that actually live in this lifestyle in real life is a really cool experience. You might meet someone that you can explore things with, or just some new friends/friendly faces. Either way, being able to talk with people that are actually in the lifestyle face to face is completely different than getting messages online from horny men. LOL!

Being in a group setting is also (somewhat) more safe than going on a one-on-one coffee meet up or date.

"Online dating" really sucks and not in the good way. (LOL!) Seems like a lot of men just use it as a way to spam women for sex (or whatever fetish they wish to indulge in).

And I know that men get spammed too (mostly by "scammers") which just makes the whole cycle worse for us "real people".

When i look back on my "love life" and "dating life" (I'm 44, never been married so yeah. A lot of years of dating!!), I see "online dating" as ok to do if you are just looking to date or hook up.

But pretty much every long term relationship I have ever had (long term meaning over one year) was with men that I met "organically"/in the real world, like at a party, concert, even on the bus.
 

Thank you for that GREAT advice I would love to do those things going out to events... So far I only did online conference but it's not the same being in person but I'm excited to venture out to meet and experience something new! I will definitely keep that in mind!! Thank you for sharing your story as well... I'm definitely taking notes on every advice that is given to me ☺️

[Deleted Member]

Hi Bambi1288, ignoring the fact we are on the other side of the world from each other and not looking for the same sort of relationship my thoughts, as an older guy, are this:

Yes, you are an extremely attractive young lady and I'm sure I'm not alone in thinking that but unlike some, I actually read profiles and will not approach people if it seems they would have no interest in me.

The fact your photos are fully clothed is not an issue to me and probably not to most guys or gals.

I think the problem may be your expectations, as written on your profile, severely limit your prospective contacts.

I am an older guy, reasonably attractive, relatively wealthy by UK standards and I have until recently worked at high levels with lots of responsibility. I am well educated and skilled. That all sounds good right? well sadly to get into those high paying positions meant sacrifices, very long hours, stress, relationship issues, breakups, kids being split between homes and even the odd kink of mine is related to or is in response to my high stress job. So when you say you would like such a guy but then state 'no drama' then I would rule myself out straight away. I'm sure this is true of many others. We all have drama in our lives, the older we are the more drama or emotional baggage we have. That is just fact. To get to 50 and have no emotional baggage is rare.

Also, we all have varying definitions of what attractive or handsome is. I very often fancy women (or men) who are not tradionally attractive but have great charisma, character and amazing personalities. They make me laugh or we can hold deep conversations or have common interests. It is rare, in my experience, to find a traditionally attractive guy or girl with all the character traits I enjoy so I place looks lower down my priority list. However on your profile you say you seek an attractive guy (and being extremely attractive yourself we might assume you seek similar levels of handsomeness in the guy you want). That in itself could put many off? 

So in summary, you need to focus on what few traits are most important because sadly your profile currently specifies a very, very rare man indeed! Handsome, tall, intelligent, wealthy, no drama (no skeletons?) and one that will allow you to shape him? 

 

PS. Your profile suggests the guy would need to learn more intelligence? In my view you are born with intelligence but it is what you do with it that counts. You can grow your knowledge, learn skills and train your brain to work more efficiently but intelligence is not so easily changed. My IQ is 110, my brothers 130. However he did nothing with his life whereas I pushed myself. I have more knowledge, more skills, more wealth and more life experience than him. However, he has the happier life, stable relationship, stable job, low stress and he has spent his life doing things he enjoys like sailing. So in hindsight he probably used his intelligence better than me 😁

Edited April 13, 2021 by Deleted Member

[Bambi1288]

22 hours ago, LovingSub999 said:

Hi Bambi1288, ignoring the fact we are on the other side of the world from each other and not looking for the same sort of relationship my thoughts, as an older guy, are this:

Yes, you are an extremely attractive young lady and I'm sure I'm not alone in thinking that but unlike some, I actually read profiles and will not approach people if it seems they would have no interest in me.

The fact your photos are fully clothed is not an issue to me and probably not to most guys or gals.

I think the problem may be your expectations, as written on your profile, severely limit your prospective contacts.

I am an older guy, reasonably attractive, relatively wealthy by UK standards and I have until recently worked at high levels with lots of responsibility. I am well educated and skilled. That all sounds good right? well sadly to get into those high paying positions meant sacrifices, very long hours, stress, relationship issues, breakups, kids being split between homes and even the odd kink of mine is related to or is in response to my high stress job. So when you say you would like such a guy but then state 'no drama' then I would rule myself out straight away. I'm sure this is true of many others. We all have drama in our lives, the older we are the more drama or emotional baggage we have. That is just fact. To get to 50 and have no emotional baggage is rare.

Also, we all have varying definitions of what attractive or handsome is. I very often fancy women (or men) who are not tradionally attractive but have great charisma, character and amazing personalities. They make me laugh or we can hold deep conversations or have common interests. It is rare, in my experience, to find a traditionally attractive guy or girl with all the character traits I enjoy so I place looks lower down my priority list. However on your profile you say you seek an attractive guy (and being extremely attractive yourself we might assume you seek similar levels of handsomeness in the guy you want). That in itself could put many off? 

So in summary, you need to focus on what few traits are most important because sadly your profile currently specifies a very, very rare man indeed! Handsome, tall, intelligent, wealthy, no drama (no skeletons?) and one that will allow you to shape him? 

 

PS. Your profile suggests the guy would need to learn more intelligence? In my view you are born with intelligence but it is what you do with it that counts. You can grow your knowledge, learn skills and train your brain to work more efficiently but intelligence is not so easily changed. My IQ is 110, my brothers 130. However he did nothing with his life whereas I pushed myself. I have more knowledge, more skills, more wealth and more life experience than him. However, he has the happier life, stable relationship, stable job, low stress and he has spent his life doing things he enjoys like sailing. So in hindsight he probably used his intelligence better than me 😁

First of all thank you for your compliment. Second I want to make this as clear as possible... I am not looking for someone that is wealthy!!! Your job title and what you do is no concern of mine if you're making an honest living and providing for yourself then good for you! I never said anything in my profile that I'm looking for somebody with *** and that have to have a high paying job. And to answer your question about drama Yes I want someone that is drama free example I'm not looking for someone that has a wife that is secretly cheating on her I am not looking for a man that has two or more girls that he is dealing with at the same time. Out of these five months that I have been on this site I have came across some interesting characters some that has a wife and a girlfriend and want me as a pet. Can you imagine if I had decided or agreed on joining his so-called happy family? I hate to say this but some women just don't get along or play well with others It calls jealousy competitive and competition I am not for that. So if others that read my profile and have questions on the things that I said in my profile then I am welcome to answer anything they need to ask of me. Hey can please explain what you mean drama free? Please explain about intelligency. And I am willing and able to give them my answer on that. Basically that would start a conversation in itself... Now my intelligence when I ask for people like that because of the messages I get I can't get a simple sentence without somebody wanting to dick my face or how they want to have me in all different type of positions... I just want a simple conversation just like if you was meeting outside in person. Would you actually introduce yourself by saying hey your lips are pretty can I dick your face and I'm just saying things to be polite because it does get more aggressive or even  nastier words that I am not going to mention. Do I believe that my standards are high maybe to some to me I don't think so I just want a  conversation and when I say intelligence I like to read my hobby is writing I like documentaries I like history I like learning new things You don't have to be the smartest guy out there just to have a conversation with me I don't think I'm asking for too much... I don't think I'm Einstein that I am on this pedestal that you just can't reach because I'm just too smart for you... That's not my character I would not be little no one on their education...and why can I not have him to be attractive My attractiveness to somebody else might not be the same to others. If I was so shallow I would have described more of him being attractive than me worrying about him being intelligent enough to have a  conversation with me looks are not everything. You don't know what I'm attracted to but what gets my attention from a man is conversation! I also like him being tall I'm 4'11 I don't want nobody shorter than 5'9 and that's my preference I also say he can be athletic or average built I didn't put no weight I'm not shallow and I give everybody a chance That's why I fill them out first in conversation and of course if any physical contact between each other it has to be some attraction there... I feel as though there is somebody out there for someone I am a very patience person to an extent. I don't want to lower my standards for anyone. I am a good girl and I deserve to be with somebody that's going to make me happy... and if that person is willing to be patience enough and take the time out to get to know me first then they would find that out for themselves...