Tips on being more open about needs as a switch

[Ac****]

Overall I'm pretty reserved and have only had several partners in the past, but seem to struggle to set boundaries and communicate needs as a switch. Have been celibate for two years now, but after getting my health back in check, deciding to try to get back into dating, or finding partners. I used to love being both dominant and submissive, but after multiple partners all claiming they were switches, just to all be subbing the majority of the time, doming became a genuine chore and somewhat unenjoyable. Do you all have tips for expressing boundaries better, or just finding more genuine switches/soft doms?

[letsgetweirrrd]

they're incorrectly putting themselves in a certain category it sounds like.

[Je****]

Boundaries are basically just words and actions that you won’t breach irregardless of what they say or do and you actually need to stick to them, you have to be really rigid with them and if you notice them subbing more you also need to raise it to them because it’s your body,time and energy committed to this. And honestly there’s no way to “find” genuine switches or soft dom without enough encounter and observation

[At****]

If your partners are women, I can maybe speak to their experiences - it can be hard, as a woman, to deconstruct culturally assigned gender roles. My advice would be to decenter PIV sex, and start as you mean to go on, so maybe formalize a switching dynamic from the very beginning. I'm mostly a domme, but I've discovered I really enjoy switching with my boyfriend, and he adores when I suddenly seize power back from him mid-scene. Some people like a whole scene or encounter to have one person in charge, some people like things more fluid moment-to-moment.

[Js****]

If you are expressing your boundaries in a safe and mature way there really could be no better way of explaining what's ok and what isn't. As a switch I feel whatever comes naturally will take the wheel and drive. So if your with another switch I would say that would probably be the same hence why perhaps you find yourself more in that dom role so maybe finding a dom who doesn't have any interest in the other side would be a better fit for you to explore the submissive end of yourself.

[jj****]

I’ve noticed that too, but usually it’s men claiming they want to explore their switchy side only to then reveal actually they don’t want to sub at all ever. It feels like such a chore to be stuck in one role all of the time. I think it’s just easier to lay it on the table like hey, if you don’t actually want to switch, please let me know so I can stop being disappointed. I don’t know don’t take my advice for relationships, I’m single for a reason.

[Pa****]

Just say what you need, I like to say something like. Are you OK if I’m a little vuln@rable right now and share something with you? That usually sets the tone.

[ph****]

You can’t pussyfoot a DOM role, right? Get the questions out the way, respectfully; energy and attitude are everything. Tone. Set it.

I’m more of a daddy DOM, myself, at times (but also switch). And more of a giver than a taker. So I tell myself “daddy pants”, and it changes how I behave and how I talk.

But, maybe obviously, DOM requires a bit of confidence. If it isn’t natural, might take a bit of self-talk. But you can do it. Remember your partner(s) probably relived to let go.

[ha****]

Wow. Good read. I started as a Dom. The road to becoming a switch was the most interesting time of my life. Open communication is mandatory. No way around it. So is an environment where both of you are free to express any desire without *** of ridicule or judgement, unless of course, your kink includes ridicule. Then, well, you can figure that one out on your own

[Fe****]

In the past few years, Ive began to explore my Dom side.

What I can say is, I dont like to identify as a switch because I cannot switch in the middle. But I have found out that I can be both at the same time.
What I mean by that, is however I start the relationship is how I have to stay. I cant switch to a submissive roll with someone that Ive been a dom with. I cant dom my husband (who CAN be a switch) because he's always been my Dom.
BUT if a submissive comes to play with me AND my husband, I can still Dom the submissive while being submissive to my husband.
So, it sounds like you need to stick with being JUST a sub for a bit. It will take a special person to be interchangeable with and I think that will take some time for both parties involved.
Most switch(s) that I know end up having at least 2 partners, a sub partner then a dom partners. So they can get their switch fix, but not battle the complexity of attempting it with the same person.

Even a switch can have a hard time switching dynamics with the partner they've only gone 1 way with.

LSS: (Long story short) my advice is to remove the switch label, stick to sub for a bit. Find your footing there. Then work on the switch part.

[Si****]

In my lived experience, when someone says they’re a Switch they’re actually a Sub who tries to play Dom to please their Sub partner. Instead, two Subs creates an anti-power struggle.

That said it can still be a rewarding pairing as both look out for the others’ pleasure but frustrating if you’re ***d to Domme when that’s not you. I have found it’s hard to keep going long term for those of us who feel being dominated is what we need.

[Bo****]

Be open about what you are looking for up front. Ask them about their past experiences being a Switch. You will feel if something is not right as long as your being honest with your gut feelings. Don't settle for "Maybe they will change". If you keep running into Subs then maybe you split the difference and find one of each.