The Goldilocks Dilemma

[ha****]

Yes! 🙌

[Da****]

This was very well said. I r
Think alot of them want to be and are able to put on a passable mask online.
Or they are just dickweeds who think their shit shines..

Very hard to find the Dom of Doms.. i hope all the doms read this..

[TJ****]

You're mad he didn't treat the entire relationship as a bdsm session and respected you outside of a scene?

[bo****]

1 hour ago, TJGlass said:

You're mad he didn't treat the entire relationship as a bdsm session and respected you outside of a scene?

I think you might be the kindof guy OP is talking about 🤦‍♂️

[AlphaWolf_01]

6 hours ago, TJGlass said:

You're mad he didn't treat the entire relationship as a bdsm session and respected you outside of a scene?

No what is being said is "confidence" is key.... " We have that table, or the corner booth... Which do you prefer?" You're giving her the choice of the 2... Not saying " well the whole restaurant is open.. pick a spot" she wants to know you can at least do that... But not " that table there, I've gotta be able to watch the exits". Lol

Watch the room, don't case the joint....
When asking her out... I'm open Tuesday or Saturday, what works better for you?

Translation is, be an old fashioned man... Not a modern pansy or total asshole.... Btw this is coming from a self proclaimed asshole, who knows how to be a gentleman until I'm not!!

[Ro****]

7 hours ago, TJGlass said:

You're mad he didn't treat the entire relationship as a bdsm session and respected you outside of a scene?

You're misunderstanding the spectrum.
Respect outside the bedroom is a baseline requirement for any healthy dynamic.
Wanting a partner who possesses natural confidence, decisiveness, and emotional strength in daily life is not the same as wanting a 24/7 BDSM scene.
The Goldilocks Dilemma is about looking for that healthy middle ground: a partner who has a strong presence without being domineering or passive.

[ey****]

7 hours ago, TJGlass said:

You're mad he didn't treat the entire relationship as a bdsm session and respected you outside of a scene?

when I first started reading, an initial reaction was that, yeah wanting someone to immediately take on a Dominant role when there's been no establishment on that.  But then as I kept reading, I felt differently.

In this case she had, 3 times, cited that she wanted him to make the decision on where to sit.  Even "I just want you to be happy" it being obvious she wanted him to make the call - and unable to make a decision on where to even sit doesn't fill much confidence.  I suspect there's also further context when she says she spent the rest of the date managing his social anxiety - and - yeah, it sucks to have social anxiety and that doesn't necessarily impact a role in the bedroom...... nor does it give much confidence there. 

It wasn't like the date had a total free reign to go off the rails. He had a clear choice of two he could make that were both clearly acceptable to the other person.

Whilst we could spin it and say perhaps a style of Dominance was making the sub choose, but then that's a style that doesn't work anyway so fails the vetting. 

[Fillmymouthwithyou]

I'm intrigued. I wasn't aware I had a dom box to tick 🤨
I'm intrigued by:
"...a few specific taboo kinks."
Do message.

[Ro****]

Yesterday at 06:35 AM, eyemblacksheep said:

when I first started reading, an initial reaction was that, yeah wanting someone to immediately take on a Dominant role when there's been no establishment on that.  But then as I kept reading, I felt differently.

In this case she had, 3 times, cited that she wanted him to make the decision on where to sit.  Even "I just want you to be happy" it being obvious she wanted him to make the call - and unable to make a decision on where to even sit doesn't fill much confidence.  I suspect there's also further context when she says she spent the rest of the date managing his social anxiety - and - yeah, it sucks to have social anxiety and that doesn't necessarily impact a role in the bedroom...... nor does it give much confidence there. 

It wasn't like the date had a total free reign to go off the rails. He had a clear choice of two he could make that were both clearly acceptable to the other person.

Whilst we could spin it and say perhaps a style of Dominance was making the sub choose, but then that's a style that doesn't work anyway so fails the vetting. 

If it was a matter of a style of dominance - making the sub choose, there are ways to respond with eye contact and a tone and say something along the lines of "I want You to choose" I would have recognized that intention.

[Am****]

2 hours ago, Fillmymouthwithyou said:

I'm intrigued. I wasn't aware I had a dom box to tick 🤨
I'm intrigued by:
"...a few specific taboo kinks."
Do message.

Tabboo kinks? Such as?