Difference between a bottom and a submissive

[Mr****]

Men are simple. We want a monarch. Your intent is believed; but masculinity is an energy defined by execution, by projection of intent manifest as an alteration of space and matter in time.

It is the desire of the masculine to execute and to define. It is the desire of the feminine to perceive and to enable. Then the cogitative aspect intertwines these—to optimize and to refine—in a bidirectional way.

This is also the root of the problem you note, as framed in this model: masculine energy wants to "do the things that clearly show placement and position in the hierarchy of existence." This is the garish element that the feminine in you is averse to. That is fair; but then consider, as leader, what is your vision for the cycle from the feminine (you, and they as submissive) to the masculine (them, and you as supervisor) and back again? Can you detail that vision without waver, as though your intent carried the weight of generations? Bring such yapping pups to heel. They will do as you instruct if the authority of your absolute plan is sufficiently strong; and in your absolute monarchy, you will find that such dogs elevate themselves to remain in your presence and under your guidance. Then your nature needs only to reap the rewards of your steady leadership and their consistent execution. Make them live for your "Good boy", make them strive to defeat themselves for a glimpse of your softness.

May your queendom rise to the level you seek.

[su****]

I think you’re right and on the opposite end of things as a submissive, I feel like most of the men on here are tops looking for bottoms, not Doms looking for submissives.

[ey****]

There's a few bits actually brings to mind a lady who, sadly left the scene, but there's stuff we discussed some years ago I feel are apt.

She'd had people of course who wanted to be her sub and some of these were people she had good relationships with so the agreed to move forward with it.  One of her headline statements was "pretty much every day there was a new problem or challenge"

The reasons she theorised is in a lot of cases this was men who'd always been used to being in control. Whether they realised it or not.  Largely because this is a patriarchal society.  So there was a lot of pushback. And a lot of places where they struggled to give up control.

Even when it comes to 'Female Led' that they were often just hoping to be micromanaged on things they wanted to do and *told* to do their fetish.  

There's a lot of subtle things men don't always realise - that for example on a sex side, men are more likely to initiate sex - whereas FLR this is mostly going to be the other way round.   But then on the other side, things like social and leisure times are things the man normally builds schedules around - and - a lot is societal, but they/we're are often not used to it when we can't just do things - and that can take a lot of getting used to. 

[li****]

You are doing nothing wrong. There's a lack of truly submissive men. That's all .

[Etiam_mi_rex]

Devotion, to be honest, what you're asking for here seems to conflict with your profile. You list yourself as a sub, but then here it sounds like you want a sub. If you're looking for a sub and not just a bottom, my suggestion would be to create a profile with more power in the wording. Something that emulates confidence. Your profile also doesn't really lay out the same messaging for your type of person like it does here. A Dom who builds on the key virtues you've listed should state with conviction what they're "hunting" for. My profile's not perfect by any means. But I've listed my desires exactly. Hope you find useful advice from the community.

[TheZenCommander]

You're not doing anything wrong. It's a common frustration for Dommes. Men think eating 😺 is submissive. They think asking for their needs to be met is submissive. But really, they're just uneducated in the lifestyle. They're looking for kinky encounters and instead of offering submission they are topping from the bottom.

[MistressWhipplash]

As a Dominant Sadist Woman my filter weeds out the f**kbous and newbie bottom as they talk kink and their needs first. They put themselves first everytime and ghost when that doesn't happen.

In my view a submissive is a person who talks, and whose focus is getting to know each other first.
For example, I say a first meet is at my local munch when I feel comfortable enough to invite them. Wait for the reaction closely. The bottom is pushy. The submissive is happy for me to lead how things go, the s***d of meeting etc. I don't play with a new person until we have been meeting at munches and dinner for a year.

A bottom is in a hurry for playtime, selling it as "wanting to serve you," when they are serving themself. In my experience, a submissive will wait until I say let's book a dungeon or go to a play party.

So you aren't doing anything wrong. Adjust your filter process and examine their intent more carefully.