Too picky?

[Colbyyy]

I’ve been there before, and I’m not even into anything particularly niche. Have you tried something like FetLife?

[Mr****]

I think it is important to remember that kinks change for a lot of reasons. Someone may think a kink lands on their no list but then they try something kinda similar and that kink moves to the maybe list. I think understanding why and how strong of a no your kink is for the other person will help to determine if it's really a no or if they are saying no until there is a stronger connection and foundation of trust.

Look for a partner who you connect with outside of shared kinks. I know personally there are kinks that aren't really my thing but I don't mind doing them with a partner if my partner was interested in them.

[Ba****]

Yeah. I'm very specific about my interests and who I am even willing to talk to. Maybe too specific, but I'll either find someone or I won't. At this point I'm half convinced I'll be alone forever. Lol

[Booty_Gobbler]

Honestly im having the exact same problem. If I had to offer some advice, id say try to find groups that are made for specifically for that kink either on this app, fetlife, maybe even reddit, etc. It might help you find someone who shares your interest a lot faster.

[MasterTalathian47342]

You should never settle period. It will come in time. It's honestly hard to give advice without more information. It might be as simple as looking in the wrong area, your wording, or something similar and simple. It could be much more difficult with the area your in and such. I, like others, probably have information that might help but you don't give a lot of information. I am not trying to pry at all just saying more information will always help. If you have someone that piques your informational quest here you might think about contacting them in DM so you're not putting private information or anything out of that is what is a worry to you.

I know people in your situation can have things be very problematic especially recently but there are those here that can be very helpful. Just need to find someone you can open up a bit to and get that information.

I hope that this vague bit of information will help on some way. Have a good day and good luck.

[Mo****]

It's so hard out here in the dating world I learned not to be so conservative and not to pick something too rough but I pretty much like anything.

[PL****]

I have been working on finding the right person and dynamic for 5 years now. I would say do not settle for less and have patience. It will happen when it should and in the meantime be happy with who you are. Explore yourself further. Don't be afraid to say I want (xyz) and stick to it, because the moment you settle for less is the moment you start to become unhappy.

[Da****]

Alittle bit of advice, you might want to work on the asexual part. 90% of people in this world require sex with a relationship…

[Cl****]

What are your kinks?

[Ka****]

You should never settle. But perhaps you could compromise? Like if you have a list of 8 things that you really really want but you meet a person you click with but they don’t like to do 2 of the things you like. Sometimes a person that checks most of your boxes and you click with physically will fulfill your needs. I’ve had people that liked all my kinks but I couldn’t connect to them mentally. So them liking the same kinks as me was moot. My current Master had things he liked that were hard limits for me but we meshed everywhere else that he still wanted me. Also, tastes change sometimes. The a couple things that I said “no way!” are now things that I crave doing with him but would never do with anyone else. It’s because we developed a bond over time. There are still things that we both like and don’t like but we are happy with what we have. Neither of us feel like we settled, we just adapted to fit each others needs. Hope this helps?

[li****]

Not everyone is the same, gotta give someone a chance

[ja****]

Certainly narrows the field of potential partners, but you have your needs too. However, all partnerships require compromise, not just in kink. Maybe there is more opportunity finding a partner that isn't necessarily just into your kink, but is willing to share the experience to pleasure you, and visa versa.... quid pro quo ???

[Yv****]

Manifest the right partner, don’t focus on what you don’t want, but on what you do want.
Energy follows attention. You feed whatever you give your attention to.

And what if you said,
I have met a partner who matches my preferences?
The world delivered him to you already.
And your fantasies and desires are concentrate only on what you want? Try it as an experiment.

[Em****]

Im new on here and I already feel like a lot of people are on here for hook-ups too. I feel like theres no build anything on here just lets meet as soon as I start to talk

[ch****]

Everyone has choices the loves we are willing and believe or become. We will find them or they are attractive to us . Be patient.
We all need love

[ey****]

As a general rule - I don't believe most people are too picky.   I believe there are more people who aren't picky *enough* but that's another matter.

Everyone should have their, we'll say, red lines - the non-negotionables : whilst also likely to have some stuff which is desirable, but flexible.   These are also stuff which are not static, so something which was desirable becomes a red line, or something you thought was a red line might have some flexibility.

The kinda reality is - it is actually difficult to find compatible partners, especially on an online space.  That is the reality.

I know sometimes folk go into "is it me?" mode (and I'm not saying there aren't stuff any/everyone could do to boost their chances.  Certainly a lot of behaviours lowers chances) and then of course those who blame others (which is self-defeating) 

I guess for tips. 

First off, if looking for partners don't rely on one source.  So online is great, but finding suitable munches, meets, hobby clubs, etc can help.    

It's also much easier to find partners passively (that is you're meeting folk in other friend circles and find you have a lot in common) than cold contract.

I guess also to go over your own kinks and red lines to make sure things you view as essential are essential.   But don't ditch stuff you'll later regret 

I note that you're Poly - therefore does another partner have to tick *every* kink? Like if you've got 6, and they've got 3, can you find two partners that cover the 6?

Never compromise too far, because you will end up in a relationship you're unhappy with or resent. 

[Tr****]

Just looking at your Bio hun and I'm gonna give u my perspective. U have a gf, ure trans and u want a serious relationship.. so for many it's a lot to sign up to as they aren't sure what kinda dynamic that be. I find that many on kik just want to explore and don't want bf/gf attached to them. FWB at the push and that needs to be discussed as many have their own version of FWB.

[Sa****]

2 hours ago, Trinity2026 said:

Just looking at your Bio hun and I'm gonna give u my perspective. U have a gf, ure trans and u want a serious relationship.. so for many it's a lot to sign up to as they aren't sure what kinda dynamic that be. I find that many on kik just want to explore and don't want bf/gf attached to them. FWB at the push and that needs to be discussed as many have their own version of FWB.

It wouldn't be any different dynamic than any other woman. She's just simply another woman looking for someone who shares the same kinks. Personally I don't think the fact that she's trans has anything to do with her finding someone as much as it screams fragile masculinity for the men who are not interested in a relationship/ fun with her simply because she's trans.

[Tr****]

"It wouldn't be any different dynamic than any other woman. She's just simply another woman looking for someone who shares the same kinks. Personally I don't think the fact that she's trans has anything to do with her finding someone as much as it screams fragile masculinity for the men who are not interested in a relationship/ fun with her simply because she's trans."

But she is already in a relationship and that isn't for everyone. And being trans isn't for everyone either. How is that screaming "fragile masculinity"? Not everyone wants to date a trans and that's OK. We are all different. I don't want to date a woman and it doesn't make me anything really. I just don't want a relationship with one, I want to just have fun and explore. Each to their own and all that

[Sa****]

1 hour ago, Trinity2026 said:

It wouldn't be any different dynamic than any other woman. She's just simply another woman looking for someone who shares the same kinks. Personally I don't think the fact that she's trans has anything to do with her finding someone as much as it screams fragile masculinity for the men who are not interested in a relationship/ fun with her simply because she's trans.

But she is already in a relationship and that isn't for everyone. And being trans isn't for everyone either. How is that screaming "fragile masculinity"? Not everyone wants to date a trans and that's OK. We are all different. I don't want to date a woman and it doesn't make me anything really. I just don't want a relationship with one, I want to just have fun and explore. Each to their own and all that

I'm more specifically referring to those who are totally fine with us until we let them know that we're trans and they immediately ghost and block us. Not someone who's simply not attracted to me.

[Tr****]

"I'm more specifically referring to those who are totally fine with us until we let them know that we're trans and they immediately ghost and block us. Not someone who's simply not attracted to me."

And once again- not everyone is into trans so I don't get what's your issues. They don't have an issue with u per say, they simply aren't into trans. Its pretty simple really. And she has in her bio that she is trans so they know what's the score from the very start

[FE****]

MODERATOR NOTE:

Can we please stick to the original topic.  This is wandering too far now.

[Aelim]

You want what you want. I have specific things that I am actively looking for in a partner. Also if someone is willing to try 🤷‍♂️ sometimes give them a chance to experience it and see what happens.

[Li****]

Be patient and increase your activity across multiple platforms. Keep networking and making new connections with honesty from the beginning. Give it time and never settle!!!

[Do****]

My ex claimed to be kinky, but then kink shamed me for my own kinks, so at this point, I'm kinda scared to even talk about them. 😂