Who else hates vanilla or its a turn off for you ?

[Maximilian85]

This started long ago in my example, i just figured out i dont have feeling for it nada none zero, u know normal sexual intercourse. I had 2 LTR one 8y other 4y. In everyone i tried to do my best to please my partner , even if its not pleasant u know. I am down feeling like a tree , while she rides it , and i look at her she is going wild , and then BOp! The rooster falls down and wont come up. So in any case they blamed me for it , and yeah i cannot cum, be that for some reason. Yeah maybe anyways i could if induced it by sniffing some panties or so. In the end i figured , that this is big community and there must be someone with this strange chemistry? I am sixtyniner i could do that all day long and everything else except that. Its frustrating to find a partner like that. So any thoughts on this one ? Cheers to all and much love.

[ey****]

you might be surprised that more people are probably open to this idea than you'd think

there's obviously different shades of kink and fetishes - and there are some fetishists who use items to heighten experience or get aroused - and some who, well, need certain areas.

it doesn't really have to be a kink relationship as such - just something where you can raise to a partner this is something you like.

 

[Maximilian85]

I read something of this type of sexual state , its classifies as asexual of some sort , i cant find a link.Its frustrating at some level .

[Mo****]

I love both and adore sex, but need kink as well. But honestly kink makes dating a
Huge uphill challenge imo.

[Maximilian85]

Well , for me its like, even when i watch porn i just doesnt feel it , no turn on , example , someone is destroying p**** , and i am like watching cctv cam of an empty room. But when i see other stuff i light up as christmas tree . Sex drive isnt the problem , its just my f*in head . Also viagra or other meds woudnt help , bcs its purely physical stimulans, theres no fix for the brain

[ik****]

I’ve definitely been in a couple of LTR where sex doesn’t happen as often as it should bc I am completely bored. Like you said, I’ll always make it happen for her. But that’s far from the same as me enjoying it.

[so****]

It’s soooooo boring I lose intrest

[Mo****]

Sounds like desensitisation to me.

Like ***, too much of any good thing reduces the pleasure gained from it or anything lesser.

[He****]

You are right, normal sex is boring, because you know what's going to happen next, and it does. I haven't physically had sex for a very long time. I play daily and imagine different things in my head, sometimes I just concentrate on what I'm actually doing and that makes it more intense for me. I always wear lingerie and a garter under my work clothes, I work in a warehouse, sometimes I will be in an isle somewhere and I will imagine my Dom coming up behind me and just touching me, or taking me and that's enough to send feelings of lust through me. I imagine him in lots of my scenarios. I want him to take me to my limits, and when covid let's us travel again, then that could happen. With a good imagination it doesn't need to be boring, that is not to say you can't repeat stuff, just not the same every day. 

[Al****]

I am pretty similar. Or at least I think, I get confused on it a lot but I seem to be asexual because I have a hard time getting off without being dominated or cared for in some way. I don't really enjoy vanilla sex and I honestly don't need sex to be satisfied. I'd be fine with a hand or blow job while being dominated ( by sex I mean the typical vaginal sex). I mean I could even just do it myself as long as I'm feeling dominated at least in my experience so far. I do kind of enjoy oral if the dominating factor is there but I also hate germs so it also kinda grosses me out, but honestly I feel like you're kinda like me and you're just asexual and it isn't typical sex or vagina or dick that stimulates you. I don't know though you would know better than I would but it's worth looking into and maybe researching a little bit.

[Maximilian85]

Well , as i see enough of people are commenting ,and even more are just watching . It is about connecting with se kind givers recievers in fet world , and also this community gives out support and talks about those things , things left unsaid. So keep writing , eveyone is unique in his own way, but if 2 are similar , they might get chance to connect and ease their lives.

[Leisa]

I think vanilla is subjective and each person is different. For me I don’t even bother if my potential partner displays any vanilla tendencies. I need to be dominated in order to get any enjoyment. It’s a personal preference. It has nothing to do with sex drive as when I find a worthy play partner I could play for hours on repeat. I personally do not want to be held and cuddled during the act itself and gentle is just a bore.

[Deleted Member]

Vanilla could be something different to each individual. To some it means just man on top in missionary position and a man using his hand to stimulate a woman is beyond vanilla. To others it may mean oral sex and toys are covered by the category but spanking isn't. I think the more sexual experiences we have the more variations we want, be that something in the BDSM category or to others it may be swinging.

[Za****]

I feel vanilla is a good way to start off. Really feel each other, you know. Then I love it to escalate. Notoriously I leave relationships once the sex hits a wall. Now that I’m more mature now, I feel I’m better at it. The hard part is finding someone sustainable. Definitely a two way street.

[ma****]

With my man I put a cage on him during the day to help him get excited. He said that the cage stops him from getting any kind of erection and it makes him even more horny because I have control on when he gets it off and I love to tease him so it drives him more crazy.

[Th****]

I feel it is a little more complex for me.
I need to be with the person I am in a D/s dynamic with or it does nothing for me.

However, whether my sub and I are having sex in the missionary position or a full play session there comes a point where the dynamic kicks in.

You can feel the dynamic, through eue contact, the body language of submission.

I feel that in that dynamic the connection is so much deeper

[so****]

Vanilla is such a turn off... those type of people are just to scared to admit to themselves that some kinks turn them on or they look down on people who experience their kinks

[ey****]

12 minutes ago, southwest624 said:

Vanilla is such a turn off... those type of people are just to scared to admit to themselves that some kinks turn them on or they look down on people who experience their kinks

to a large degree - I think it's important not to put the boot on the other foot so to speak.  It's certainly not good to look down on people who are vanilla. As if they're at all 'lesser' - but equally the concept of being scared to admit they have some kinks - that's something where... some one struggling for personal acceptance, or in a situation where they don't think they'll be accepted... that's something to want to support people on rather than criticise.

 

[li****]

The thought of being in a relationship with someone that’s vanilla is a major turn off. I’d either eventually start throwing in extra hints or tell them from the beginning after we got to know each other . If it’s not dirty or raw I don’t want it.

[Hy****]

I don't like the lack of negotiation in most vanilla relationships, having to stumble into what the other wants and intends leads to some awkward and awful moments that could be avoided with the levels of communication we enjoy in the BDSM lifestyle.

[li****]

Yeah but even then. Communication is key. Whether it’s a bdsm relationship or not. Gotta communicate.