Deleted Member Posted September 23, 2021 Posted September 23, 2021 9 minutes ago, CopperKnob said: I agree in part, however i would say that i would have found it really useful to have had a d type mentoring me as an s type, it would have potentially helped me understand the whats and the whys a little better I understand that, my lady, and if an s type has a friend who is a D type that can mentor without an agenda then it is a very helpful thing. The problem I have come across is that some D types use it as an excuse to draw someone close, which can cause conflict and confusion. I have mentored all my ladies in the past, but due to the nature of my style it is too personal to offer it on a "come and have a taste" basis as I am more about the mind to start with...and prefer to keep that for one I am involved with
ey**** Posted September 23, 2021 Posted September 23, 2021 I think for some things in general It's important the mentor knows what they can offer and sets their own boundaries It is important the person seeking a mentor knows what to expect and what a mentorship is and isn't. --- Like a lot of things there is no perfect system and there are a lot of things which are "good practice" but, of course there are many right ways to reach the goal For someone seeking a mentor they need to make sure the mentor is right *for them* and *for them* could be a mixture of preference, their own experience, their own needs. It doesn't matter if it's Dominant mentoring submissive, or submissive mentoring submissive, or Dominant mentoring Dominant or whatever. Because to be 'good practice' they wouldn't otherwise be in a relationship together. The person seeking a mentor needs to seek out someone who is knowledgeable and experienced. Now; if someone is coming to me for questions then I am, for the time in responding to them, mentoring them. In some ways the resources available on the internet mean that some of the mentor role is not as needed - but - I don't feel it's a redundant role. There can be a lot going on and that it might just be that someone needs to know where to start. A lot of people also work better from community learning than on one-to-one. --- A mentor would not be providing someone with their needs and wants, but, might give them advice on guidance on how to realise this. Of course, it might be that the person is just not realistic (a problem we may have seen on the forums recently) and a mentor might ground the fantasies. The role of a mentor would be answering questions about the lifestyle and - well - a communication line at times. Someone to drop a line to "hey, so I went to a munch and had a lot of fun" or "Someone said this to me at a munch, what do you think?", "Someone offered to play with me, how do I know they're OK?" or possibly even be a line of support or structure. Why I won't be someone's mentor, for example, is I have so much going on I cannot be someone's hotline - I genuinely do not have enough time to commit to folk on a one to one basis who might suddenly drop a "can we talk" message when I'm at work and have a boatload of admin on the evening I also don't necessarily think the fet dot com moderators would be good to use as mentors, among other things there would be a risk of conflict of interest if they had to moderate someone they were mentoring. I do think it's good folk are making themselves available as mentors - but - I think it's also really important those seeking one know what to expect, are realistic and that it's the right mentor for them
ol**** Posted September 24, 2021 Posted September 24, 2021 Ok some thoughts on mentoring. Yes it could be a cover that some would use, so select carefully!!! Mentoring in the fetish world should be like mentoring in any other part of life. So general experience of how to mentor is a plus, or at least I would think so. Mentoring is a personal thing and mentor and mentee need to feel comfortable wirh each other. Which brings me back to select carefully!!
Ch**** Posted October 10, 2021 Posted October 10, 2021 Could we not have a pined list of people who are willing to mentor people an what subjects there willing to.mrntor in
PandoraUK Posted October 11, 2021 Posted October 11, 2021 Yesterday at 10:03 AM, Charms said: Could we not have a pined list of people who are willing to mentor people an what subjects there willing to.mrntor in I suppose if you wrote a post, people could certainly respond. But since this is an international site, it would need to be broken down by area. I added mentoring to my profile, so if someone local looked at me, they would see that I am interested.
Ch**** Posted October 11, 2021 Posted October 11, 2021 3 hours ago, PandoraUK said: I suppose if you wrote a post, people could certainly respond. But since this is an international site, it would need to be broken down by area. I added mentoring to my profile, so if someone local looked at me, they would see that I am interested. That's a great idea . An also put what language we speak. Even though If I put my city I know for a fact there's alot of people nit english
Sa**** Posted October 11, 2021 Posted October 11, 2021 To be honest that would be a good idea and I have talked to my share of newbies that actually want to learn but most just want a quick course and a partner, they don’t want to wait and put the work in before they jump. Plus it can bring up some issues when someone that knows a subject but has never actually done it and they think they know the ins and outs of it. Just because you might know something but have never experienced it can be just as dangerous. What can be done is something like the munch’s,someone can open a room and invite everyone to come in and discuss and ask questions.
Ch**** Posted October 11, 2021 Posted October 11, 2021 Can only open rooms if you have a certain chat package. Not every 1 can afford to buy 1. I can not. Not with how everything islately
Sa**** Posted October 11, 2021 Posted October 11, 2021 10 minutes ago, Charms said: Can only open rooms if you have a certain chat package. Not every 1 can afford to buy 1. I can not. Not with how everything islately I think you can ask a mod to open one for you. So make like a time and date and post it then you can ask a mod to open a room if they are able to.
Deleted Member Posted October 11, 2021 Posted October 11, 2021 I personally wish I had a mentor at the beginning would have safe my heart from a lot of ***. It would be nice theres mentors but at the same time not fake ones, I did encounter fakes ones that knew me and pretended to be someone else since they wanted to get info out of me smh
Psuedom Posted October 11, 2021 Posted October 11, 2021 From (poor) experience, my take is to have more of a support network giving a broader depth and variety of knowledge rather than a mentor as a single point... Less chance of failure. That said, I can think of a few good potential mentors, but I consider them very special cases.
Master50 Posted October 11, 2021 Posted October 11, 2021 Amy4U I've been in the lifestyle for a long time. If u would or want someone to talk to or ask questions. I'm here for u for help or guidance. Even if u just want to blow of some steam. OKAY.
Ch**** Posted October 11, 2021 Posted October 11, 2021 I am often in the lobby. Will always say hi to new chatters. And if they pm me asking questions as long as they are questions I'm not allowed to answer I will reply . Master as set rules about things I'm allowed to talk about on here
Sa**** Posted October 11, 2021 Posted October 11, 2021 39 minutes ago, Psuedom said: From (poor) experience, my take is to have more of a support network giving a broader depth and variety of knowledge rather than a mentor as a single point... Less chance of failure. That said, I can think of a few good potential mentors, but I consider them very special cases. That is a good idea. I don’t think there is a one size fits all kinda thing, we all have different experiences and have different kinks. Just to be there for each other and not feel like you have to be alone. I am always open to help where I can, if I don’t know it I can point them in the direction they need at least. Daddy and me talk to both newbies and experienced people on here also because we all can learn and grow from each other. This also helps build wonderful friendship.
Master50 Posted October 11, 2021 Posted October 11, 2021 I have to agree with Sara We all should be here for one another and not just guess on the answer. Even if u want to blow off some steam because someone pist u off. I'm here and I hope there's others out in this community that can help as well. We should be there for others for help or as questions or even give some guidance.
Cu**** Posted October 12, 2021 Author Posted October 12, 2021 im really pleased this has been considered so positively
Th**** Posted October 13, 2021 Posted October 13, 2021 A good network is an imperative when developing in the lifestyle. We were all finding our way once upon a time. I am always happy to talk to people who are newer or older hands that are have a specific query. Don't misunderstand me I am also not afraid to say I have not got a clue about something, but this is how I would find the information or who I would speak to. Whether you are a Dom, switch or sub there are no silly questions here. We enlighten our lack of knowledge my being brave enough to ask those questions and not just bluffing it. Ultimately in this lifestyle it has always been that those of us who have the experience share it freely. I guess it is the way we return the favour to those who taught us. One day you will do the same. Never hesitate to ask and if you don't get your answer keep asking untill you do.
Bee420 Posted February 13, 2022 Posted February 13, 2022 On 9/20/2021 at 10:18 PM, Curvygirl1 said: Is there a possibility for us to offer mentorship to newbies? I'd be happy to help newbie subs.
Strix Posted March 16, 2022 Posted March 16, 2022 I'm not a newbie bit at same time not a seasoned in the art of D/s so I definitely know I'd be glad to have a mentor of sorts for my journey.
Chaseman1022 Posted June 28, 2023 Posted June 28, 2023 I would say it is definitely hard to find a mentorship or someone to help show you the ropes. I have posted ads and asked around as well. I am a switch or I think I am and looking to gain experience. I don’t know if I am just shy or what. Everyone says someone will come down the road be patient so I continue to be while still looking and trying to reach out
Ba**** Posted June 28, 2023 Posted June 28, 2023 16 hours ago, Chaseman1022 said: I would say it is definitely hard to find a mentorship or someone to help show you the ropes. I have posted ads and asked around as well. I am a switch or I think I am and looking to gain experience. I don’t know if I am just shy or what. Everyone says someone will come down the road be patient so I continue to be while still looking and trying to reach out Are you specifically asking for people to help/mentor/let you explore? If not, it might be a good idea to start with that. I know for me personally, I don't play with Doms that don't have enough experience to know most, if not all, of what I like. If you start/open with that you're a switch looking for experience, it'll help weed out the people that aren't looking for that, while also, maybe, showing you the people that are.
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