Speaking up about consent ***s

[Glasgowdom1991]

2 hours ago, Dragonflylover said:

How many realistically are likely to go to the police? A) because of risk of being outed and B) in the UK at least actual cases for sexual harassment/***/assault are at rock bottom.

Yes but consent *** is listed on domestic *** background checks weather there proven or not so going to the police at least gives that record and might save someone else

[Deleted Member]

15 minutes ago, Glasgowguy1991 said:

Yes but consent *** is listed on domestic *** background checks weather there proven or not so going to the police at least gives that record and might save someone else

In Scotland only?

[Leisa]

4 hours ago, HornyForU said:

The whole subject and those who criticize and judge here are all a bunch of HYPOCRITES!

Please, I invite you to explain to me how having an issue with anyone who has violated my trust is hypocritical. You don’t know my experiences or the resultant fall out. It’s not hypocritical to expect others to adhere to the tenets of the lifestyle. Anything less is the reason we are looked upon as degenerates or outcasts.

[Th****]

I often think that consent in BDSM dynamics may well be easier to navigate if we focused less on what lines we can push up to and between. Instead just focus on what would make the other party happy. Using those negotiated limits with a good dose of common sense as a guide.
If in doubt we as Dominants should ask.
There is a video on my profile called "Tea and Consent" it says it so much better than I can.

Please keep shouting Copper, 👍😊

[CopperKnob]

19 minutes ago, Thebian said:

I often think that consent in BDSM dynamics may well be easier to navigate if we focused less on what lines we can push up to and between. Instead just focus on what would make the other party happy. Using those negotiated limits with a good dose of common sense as a guide.
If in doubt we as Dominants should ask.
There is a video on my profile called "Tea and Consent" it says it so much better than I can.

Please keep shouting Copper, 👍😊

I do love the Tea and Consent video, I know it has it's critics but its the one that I use at work because it's honestly hits home every time

[Ae****]

Learning about our own powers for looking after ourselves is hard. Part of us wants to blame us for letting people in who hurt us.
When we get past that, we get to have compassion for our past naivety. We stop blaming ourselves for the innocence we once had, and we stop deflecting that blame onto others as well. We gain the power to act for our own protection. We lose the hollow satisfaction of victimhood, and look forward to safe, fun relationships with fully trustworthy partners. We stop seeing a world full of scary predators, liars, manipulators and people to malign and realise we are very now very capable of looking after ourselves, no longer naive and ***, and we can encourage others to learn to do the same.
It's hard, very hard, but for those who make it, it's amazing. And it's lovely for everyone around them too.

[CopperKnob]

8 hours ago, Aeonova said:

Learning about our own powers for looking after ourselves is hard. Part of us wants to blame us for letting people in who hurt us.
When we get past that, we get to have compassion for our past naivety. We stop blaming ourselves for the innocence we once had, and we stop deflecting that blame onto others as well. We gain the power to act for our own protection. We lose the hollow satisfaction of victimhood, and look forward to safe, fun relationships with fully trustworthy partners. We stop seeing a world full of scary predators, liars, manipulators and people to malign and realise we are very now very capable of looking after ourselves, no longer naive and ***, and we can encourage others to learn to do the same.
It's hard, very hard, but for those who make it, it's amazing. And it's lovely for everyone around them too.

Those that have experienced consent ***s are to be blamed for their own naivety? An interesting concept steeped in victim blaming/personal responsibilty. Congratulations.
I'm not seeing anywhere in the OP a suggestion that the world is full of or being seem as being predators, liars or manipulators. Perhaps you're projecting.
Thanks for yet another passive aggressive comment on one of my posts 👍🏻

[Ae****]

No. I'm afraid that's not what I said or think, and attempting to interpret that way will never change that.
My input is food for thought for whoever wants it. It's it's nonsense to anyone, they can ignore it, if it calls to them, they can explore the ideas within themselves. If they want to disagree, I'm happy to have a dm talk. All good with me.
Thank you for yet another blame/victim post. Sometimes people will disagree with you and have different world views. I'm afraid people are free to do so :)

[Deleted Member]

I know this injustice all too well, through childhood into adult life. I have learned to be careful who I involve only because there are many risks. That's NEVER to assign the victim responsible for the acts of the offender. It's more to emphasize the delicacy of advocating...even for yourself.

If a boundary is violates outside of play, then i a small trusted circle is always best. Revealing the truth can also yourself. We are always and ONLY responsible for what we do. Nothing else.

[Deleted Member]

6 minutes ago, Sw33tGirl247 said:

I know this injustice all too well, through childhood into adult life. I have learned to be careful who I involve only because there are many risks. That's NEVER to assign the victim responsible for the acts of the offender. It's more to emphasize the delicacy of advocating...even for yourself.

If a boundary is violates outside of play, then i a small trusted circle is always best. Revealing the truth can also yourself. We are always and ONLY responsible for what we do. Nothing else.

*revealing the truth can also target yourself (the victim)

A more unpopular opinion: is many folks are struggling with death, assault, illness, etc. They unfortunately, cannot pick up more than what they are handling and the community falls short. For this, I am truly sorry. It is a very ***ful and lonely position to be in screaming for support and justice only to never receive it. 😔

[CopperKnob]

I get why people cover their ears and don't want to hear about it. I’d love not to hear about it. Better yet, I’d love not to experience it. But it is a reality and pretending it’s not just perpetuates the status quo. Shame, *** and ignorance all thrive in isolation.
.
Speaking out publically does come at a cost. Clearly it does. But, we need safe spaces to talk about this. All genders need to be involved in the conversations regardless of certain peoples views.
.
And so, whilst I don't tend to speak publically about personal experiences, I will use my voice to speak about it generally and no one gets to decide when that conversation ends, no matter how many snippy comments they wish to make.

[Ae****]

No one reasonable would ever tell people not to share their experiences. Some people are ***d and the way they cope is to not just work through what happened with supportive listeners, but instead they also pass on their own *** to others, unknowingly perpetuating the cycle. It's very common. All perpetrators see themselves as angry victims, even while they're lashing out. It's nice to check we aren't, perhaps, accidentally using the past as a license to cause further hurt.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, CopperKnob said:

I get why people cover their ears and don't want to hear about it. I’d love not to hear about it. Better yet, I’d love not to experience it. But it is a reality and pretending it’s not just perpetuates the status quo. Shame, *** and ignorance all thrive in isolation.
.
Speaking out publically does come at a cost. Clearly it does. But, we need safe spaces to talk about this. All genders need to be involved in the conversations regardless of certain peoples views.
.
And so, whilst I don't tend to speak publically about personal experiences, I will use my voice to speak about it generally and no one gets to decide when that conversation ends, no matter how many snippy comments they wish to make.

As that is your choice. We all get to make our own choices, hopefully without judgement and *** of our own rights.

[Deleted Member]

27 minutes ago, Aeonova said:

No one reasonable would ever tell people not to share their experiences. Some people are ***d and the way they cope is to not just work through what happened with supportive listeners, but instead they also pass on their own *** to others, unknowingly perpetuating the cycle. It's very common. All perpetrators see themselves as angry victims, even while they're lashing out. It's nice to check we aren't, perhaps, accidentally using the past as a license to cause further hurt.

I agree. We all cope in our own ways. There is not one way to deal with trauma. And many perpetrators are also victims, they just choose to continue the *** cycle and harm others; mostly starting with emotional/mental ***.

[Nocturne]

Well written, it's unfortunate how the community can be so ignorant at times, I'm glad that there's still many people like you here.

"Luckily" my experience with my consent being violated was, on the contrary, something where the people around me were the ones to tell me that what that person had done was wrong and that it was not my fault that they hurt me. I still find it difficult to accept or acknowledge, it makes me feel like I've failed myself as a Dom, like my manhood is somehow lesser, because a sub I was in a dynamic with hurt and manipulated me. Thank God for the people around me who tell me otherwise, hopefully there will be more like them, especially in the BDSM community.