Rude and wrong thinking!

[Re****]

Hi all

Getting fed up with newbies on here. You get fet saying to welcome them or better still they ask for advice.
Worst are younger women.
In my politeness I always welcome them or offer advice to them. Only to be blocked and not interested message appears in return
Please don't flatter yourselves, not all older men on here want to get into your pants! Some jut want to welcome you or give you the advice your asking for
Stop being so rude in return and be glad someone will offer advice no questions asked. When I started in fetish I never got advice
Rant over.

[MrHamish]

It's almost like people don't want a random person trying to provide advice when you know nothing about them. You can't complain about a new person not wanting random people trying to tell them how to be involved in the scene.

[ge****]

Trouble is - they can't possibly know if you genuinely don't want to get into their pants or not, or if the "welcome" or "advice" is just a means to an end - that when rejection ultimately follows ends in *** being sent. So think of it as protecting themselves against the potential for that development, not as a personal sleight against you. I'm not saying that you have an ulterior motive, but there are many who do, but a lady receiving a message from anyone can't possibly tell just from one message.

Offer advice and be welcoming through the forums rather than by messaging and if things develop from there all's good.

[MsDrawers]

I can appreciate how frustrating it must be, to be misconstrued but I have to echo what these gents have said, it isn't easy to discern another's motive, particularly when so many will get abusive/unpleasant etc. Forums are far easier and "safer" feeling spaces to navigate as they approximate to "public" space rather than private messages.

[Du****]

Unsolicited advice is never welcome in any circumstances. Unsolicited DMs are welcome only in the opinion of the recipient (when I first joined here, a Mod slid into my DMs and acted creepy as fuck. I almost quit the site immediately). If any newbie wants to know anything, they’ll ask. You don’t need to cast yourself in the role of the benevolent overseer - especially if you then need to rant about how ‘ungrateful’ your targets are. Save yourself a headache.

[ey****]

the obvious question is do you also reach out with advice to men ?

[Leisa]

I don’t know who you are and sure as heck wouldn’t want to open up a message to unsolicited advice from you or anyone else. To me that’s creepy. Of course, I don’t reply to messages often of individuals I have not met in the forum or chat, two to be exact and even those I’d seen pop into chat at least once while I was in there. Maybe it’s not them being rude but you. Do you welcome the new gentlemen too or just the ladies? All the ladies or just the ones you find attractive?

[Re****]

I welcome the majority when on line. Men don't send rude *** back. The majority of women don't but alot do. Hope that clears it up that I am not just responding to women!

[Deleted Member]

it does sound a bit like the throw-sh*t-at-the-wall-and-see-what-sticks-principle... nobody cares about your opinion, unless they know you already and/or ask you. Especially on a site where statistics has it that women get drowned in unsolicited mail. In my private circle / when I go out, I hang and converse with people from their late 20s to beyond my age, they can come to my place and have a drink and a laugh, but I think it is pointless and uncalled for to chat up young chicks online. If you think otherwise, you must be new to the internet  

[ge****]

11 minutes ago, sitonmyface2020 said:

I welcome the majority when on line. Men don't send rude *** back. The majority of women don't but alot do. Hope that clears it up that I am not just responding to women!

You've just contradicted yourself a tad there - "the majority of women don't but a lot do" - if the majority don't then those who do can't be "a lot" by comparison.

Either way, blocking or replying with a "thanks but no thanks" is neither rude nor abusive, as I said further up, it's people protecting themselves against the possibility of ulterior motives at play, or worse potential *** for rejection.

[Re****]

Ok maybe I need to clarify a few points. Most are people who have visited my profile , as curiosity exists I look at theirs. At the bottom of every profile it states from fet xxxxxx is new here why not say hello. Some have posted looking for general chat or advice.
My responses are usually welcome and I am always happy to chat nothing more nothing less.
I am also long term on 2 other major sites where I have never had an issue welcoming people in fact 1 site I was a moderator in the past.
I make no distinction if male or female newbies.
This issue only started about 4 months ago, prior to that there was never an issue and I have had many interesting conversations with people both male and female with nobody getting the wrong idea.
I am a friendly and outgoing person who resounds either direct or via the forums but most of all I have decorum and not just chasing younger people as I generally respond to people from 38 to 65 which is generally where my filters are set. I do find it rude when people surmise especially of they don't know me but want to be involved in a community and there, for me, right or wrong, we are a community! We all have similar interests. This was the point I was trying to make, why join a community if you immediately think everybody in it may be a creep or pervert.
I am also a little ***ved in the fact I do have many years of experience in many topics and within a community spirit just trying to pass a little on of what I have learned and the early mistakes I have made.

[Ae****]

14 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

You've just contradicted yourself a tad there - "the majority of women don't but a lot do" - if the majority don't then those who do can't be "a lot" by comparison.

Either way, blocking or replying with a "thanks but no thanks" is neither rude nor abusive, as I said further up, it's people protecting themselves against the possibility of ulterior motives at play, or worse potential *** for rejection.

It is a contradiction only if you're being really really pedantic/anal. Myself, I easily understand what OP is saying there, I see no contradiction. Just wanted to say that 😁

[ey****]

I think; whatever the intentions you can't control others perspective and that's something where it's a case of - just shrugging it off

A lot also depends on where the advice is being asked for - because if it's on a forum post : unless it's something that really can't be answered on a post, the advice is better there.  

[Ar****]

11 minutes ago, sitonmyface2020 said:

I am also a little ***ved in the fact I do have many years of experience in many topics and within a community spirit just trying to pass a little on of what I have learned and the early mistakes I have made.

No, I'm not buying it. You have years of experience in the community and were a moderator for another site, yet can't grasp some of the most basic tenets of the community? Nobody you approach unsolicited owes you a thought. You are entitled to precisely zero from them, and if you do not understand fundamental respect/consent issues then you have far to go before you should even be considering inboxing new members with "advice".

Edited October 24, 2021 by Aranhis

[Du****]

6 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I think; whatever the intentions you can't control others perspective and that's something where it's a case of - just shrugging it off

A lot also depends on where the advice is being asked for - because if it's on a forum post : unless it's something that really can't be answered on a post, the advice is better there.  

I get the opposite problem: DM sliders asking me for advice. I usually refer them to the forums, where people are ready and willing to invest the time and thought in a response to their enquiry. Passive-aggressive undertone? No, I don’t believe so.

[ge****]

11 minutes ago, Aeonova said:

It is a contradiction only if you're being really really pedantic/anal. Myself, I easily understand what OP is saying there, I see no contradiction. Just wanted to say that 😁

Oh it probably was pedantic/anal of me although I did qualify it with "a tad" 😃 I do however think it was relevant as the point that had been made appeared to imply it was something a large number of women do, which I don't believe is the case and nor did the OP by the looks of it.

[Ae****]

1 minute ago, gemini_man said:

Oh it probably was pedantic/anal of me although I did qualify it with "a tad" 😃 I do however think it was relevant as the point that had been made appeared to imply it was something a large number of women do, which I don't believe is the case and nor did the OP by the looks of it.

Fair enough 😋

[Deleted Member]

If I was a newbie on here and I got a message from you - your username would be enough to make me send an auto "not interested" message. Writing a post merely to slate women for not replying to your unsolicited messages - that is rude and wrong thinking.

[Du****]

2 minutes ago, Dragonflylover said:

If I was a newbie on here and I got a message from you - your username would be enough to make me send an auto "not interested" message. Writing a post merely to slate women for not replying to your unsolicited messages - that is rude and wrong thinking.

They weed themselves out, really, don’t they?

[Deleted Member]

Just now, DuchessFeuille said:

They weed themselves out, really, don’t they?

Afraid so, Duchess! 🤷🏻‍♀️

[ve****]

The way I figure it is I’ll send a message and say hello. If I get reply nice, if I don’t they’ve looked at my profile and figured we have nothing in common or simply don’t like the look of me….. big deal nobody is under obligation to message me back and you can bet your house if on the on off chance a woman sent me a message and I had zero interest in them id not reply either

Jeez there’s no law that says all messages require a response

[Deleted Member]

24 minutes ago, Dragonflylover said:

If I was a newbie on here and I got a message from you - your username would be enough to make me send an auto "not interested" message. Writing a post merely to slate women for not replying to your unsolicited messages - that is rude and wrong thinking.

lol... I didn't want to be that guy  But yeah, there is a lot to take in with that name. I am normally very brutal with my judgements, but I am trying to better myself...

[Ar****]

49 minutes ago, venom79 said:

The way I figure it is I’ll send a message and say hello. If I get reply nice, if I don’t they’ve looked at my profile and figured we have nothing in common or simply don’t like the look of me….. big deal nobody is under obligation to message me back and you can bet your house if on the on off chance a woman sent me a message and I had zero interest in them id not reply either

Jeez there’s no law that says all messages require a response

^^^THIS^^^

I've sent many a welcome message myself during my time here, with no agenda and when I've felt up to it. Sometimes that has led to friendship. Sometimes more. Sometimes a simple and appreciative thank you. Sometimes chat which has lasted a while, maybe advice sought and given (if it is somebody inexperienced/new to the community) before it fizzled out. Sometimes I've been ignored. Sometimes their profile disappears from the the site as quickly as it appeared. Rarely I've been blocked or received a "no thanks" message. 

It is irrelevant how civil I've been or that I have (usually - because inevitably I have seen new profiles which have caught my interest on a deeper level and I'd be a laughable cad to pretend otherwise) no agenda. When I get blocked/ignored/a 'no thanks' I shrug it off without bearing any ill-thought to the person in question. Quite the contrary in fact. Because the day I start getting ***ed off at strangers who don't respond to me when I am the one who reached out to them unsolicited instead of treating them kindly is the day I become another example of what's wrong with the world.

[Deleted Member]

Your title "rude and wrong thinking" is an example of how you think. They owe you nothing.....not a thing, and that you take the time to dm does not mean your owed a reply.....research entitlement if you wish to become a better kinkster 😊

[BigPolly]

Ok….apologies in advance as I have very little filter…. So you are offering advice to people which is lovely, however this is my advice to you……
Your profile name is “Sitonmyface”!!!
I’m not young & even I would block anyone who stepped into my DMs with that name. That name isn’t a sign of experience or someone here to give advice, be friendly & be polite. That name is abrupt & just screams ‘creepy perv!’
You say ‘please don’t flatter yourselves’ yet your name is shouting out a creepy demand before you’ve even said hello!
If you are none of these things then honestly, from a female prospective, your profile name really isn’t going to do you any favours.
People are free to talk to who they want & ignore who they want. Approaching someone online is no different to approaching someone in person so would you honestly approach a young lady in public to say hello & say “Hi my nickname is Sit On My Face”?!