Rude and wrong thinking!

[CopperKnob]

I love a rant about women don't reply to messages, and it is rude to not respond. I totally agree, it is extremely rude!

I don't know about you ill mannered individuals but when I get offers for businesses through the letterbox, I always phone or write a letter to the sender, thanking them for making me aware of their service and regretting that I have no need for it at the moment. As you can imagine, I dread getting leaflets from Domino's and it's people like me who are keeping Farm Foods afloat!

Also, the other day whilst I was driving home, I saw this sign on a restaurant on the verge which said, "C'mon in for Dinner!" I immediately moved into the slow lane to take the next exit. I then went into the restaurant and thanked them for the invite but told them that I was in a hurry to get to where I was going and, unfortunately, was not able to stay for dinner. I asked the waiter if we could perhaps agree on another time. I think he was unnecessarily offended that I was not going to join them to eat because he just looked at me like I was crazy and began to call for the Manager!

Seriously, at least some of the men who complain in this manner would probably have their inbox overflow if every woman they wrote responded.

Sure, it would be a nice gesture to respond, especially if it seems the initiator took some time to write something sincere but it is a voluntary gesture, not an obligation.

Even if there was not the large number of unsolicited messages that women receive, with generally being busy with life and brief visits to Fet, it is all too possible for a message that invites no interest to fall off the radar

[qu****]

I don't know, to a point usernames can be just settling for a name not already in use, ( mine took about 40 attempts), so being fed up can lead to using any name that's free, however, the automated not interested is fine, annoying at times, maybe, but fine and acceptable, as for seemingly random blocking, yes it can leave you you feeling guilty even though you said nothing untoward but I guess with the amount of certain unwanted attention women get I'm guessing it's more a pre-emptive block to stop further possibly unwanted attention. It would only be seen as rude if they actually told you where to go, i.e. fuck off you perv or worse

[Deleted Member]

Nobody likes a cold caller

[ey****]

1 hour ago, BigPolly said:

You say ‘please don’t flatter yourselves’ yet your name is shouting out a creepy demand before you’ve even said hello!

You know.

In my own blind spots that's something I was missing - and - is probably the best kinda advice in general.

So whether unsolicited or whatever - one of the first impressions to the person being messaged is the username and is something they may well draw conclusions on towards intentions.

Whilst this may not have been a problem "in the past" it may very well be between one thing or another that's happened (either on site or wider society) that folk who were uncomfortable are more likely to say something.

[qu****]

You could argue that sit on my face is just a song title, I know Monty python had a song called that, just discovered Stevie nicks and the rotters did as well, and much more explicit🤷

[ey****]

6 minutes ago, quietlysure said:

You could argue that sit on my face is just a song title, I know Monty python had a song called that, just discovered Stevie nicks and the rotters did as well, and much more explicit🤷

I mean, yeah. But

then that only works if your audience understands that.

[qu****]

But then the same can be said for the whole terminology thing, in effect hijacking normal terms for sexual things, for instance I once chatted with someone seemingly getting on well, decided to meet for a meal, she said you decide, as it was going to be on a Sunday I said let's go for a roast, I was immediately blocked and reported for being overly sexual 🤷, I will say it wasn't here 😂

[Re****]

My name, sitonmyface comes from the fact I took part in the demonstrations against the government's porn act and they outlawed facesitting. It was on the tee shirt I wore to that at Westminster, are we getting that petty Norton pick on someone for a name in a fetish community. Unbelievable

[Gidorra]

22 minutes ago, quietlysure said:

You could argue that sit on my face is just a song title, I know Monty python had a song called that, just discovered Stevie nicks and the rotters did as well, and much more explicit🤷

No really, hm?  If that is your take on the matter, do you understand how lucky you are that you somehow arrived at "quitelysure", despite the confusing and overwhelming choices of seemingly 'just-as-good' handles out there? 

PS I have every Monty Python show/movie on DVD and didn't know that... I just confirmed it for myself though, very disturbing  Anyway, you can argue that, but not all arguments are convincing, isn't it?

[ey****]

5 minutes ago, sitonmyface2020 said:

are we getting that petty Norton pick on someone for a name in a fetish community. Unbelievable

it's about impressions.

and honestly - you can't control the impressions you give to people, or whether they respond to you - just as we can't control your failure to see how you're being rather entitled. 

[Du****]

12 minutes ago, sitonmyface2020 said:

My name, sitonmyface comes from the fact I took part in the demonstrations against the government's porn act and they outlawed facesitting. It was on the tee shirt I wore to that at Westminster, are we getting that petty Norton pick on someone for a name in a fetish community. Unbelievable

If your username requires a backstory to stop people finding it deeply unattractive, it’s time to change it. Also your backstory does not make your username less unattractive. This may be a kink site but that is precisely why we *don’t* need to be so overt about it. Who knows, your introductory messages might gain better reception if you called yourself, I don’t know, SpecsGuy328, LightFittingFan, or something 🤷‍♀️

[ge****]

14 minutes ago, sitonmyface2020 said:

My name, sitonmyface comes from the fact I took part in the demonstrations against the government's porn act and they outlawed facesitting. It was on the tee shirt I wore to that at Westminster, are we getting that petty Norton pick on someone for a name in a fetish community. Unbelievable

I don't think anyone is "picking" on you for your username - just pointing out possible reasons you may not be getting the replies you think you're entitled to - someone receiving a message from you doesn't know the context you've just provided and things like usernames, profile text etc are often bigger deciding factors to whether someone replies to a message than the message content itself.

Regardless of that though and back to your OP - you're not entitled to a response to a message, nor is it rude not to receive one or to be blocked having sent a message - it's simply people using their own filters to protect themselves from potential *** etc as I pointed out right at the start.

Now I can hear you typing "But I don't send ***, I'm a genuine, decent guy etc" and you may well be, but a message recipient doesn't *know* that and so if they have no interest in your profile or message then they take the appropriate action for *them* and you have to accept that.

It may *seem* rude to you - but put yourself in their shoes, and try and see it from their perspective when essentially they've received an unsolicited message from a stranger whose profile they have no interest in and get many similar messages from other similarly uninteresting (to them) profiles and you can start to see why they may not reply.

As someone else said, do you reply to every message you receive from double glazing companies, pizza delivery firms or African princes? Same principle here

[Deleted Member]

36 minutes ago, sitonmyface2020 said:

My name, sitonmyface comes from the fact I took part in the demonstrations against the government's porn act and they outlawed facesitting. It was on the tee shirt I wore to that at Westminster, are we getting that petty Norton pick on someone for a name in a fetish community. Unbelievable

🙄 You've written a post attacking women for not jumping at your "advice". I and others have suggested your username is overly sexual and that might be a reason. But of course anyone would immediately think - "ah he took part in the 2020 demonstrations about face sitting. Must be a good un". Seriously?

[Gidorra]

22 minutes ago, DuchessFeuille said:

If your username requires a backstory to stop people finding it deeply unattractive, it’s time to change it. Also your backstory does not make your username less unattractive. This may be a kink site but that is precisely why we *don’t* need to be so overt about it. Who knows, your introductory messages might gain better reception if you called yourself, I don’t know, SpecsGuy328, LightFittingFan, or something 🤷‍♀️

Even with a backstory attached, it still seems entirely possible that the name is not merely a free speech statement, but that it speaks of what he is all about here, that is to say, I would not be surprised that he likes face sitting. Now, there is nothing wrong with that, but it is simply too crass for a first impression. It seems tone-deaf to not realise that even after having it pointed out several times already.

PS what's with the title appropriation in your name? Is that to keep the humble peasants at bay?

[Du****]

5 minutes ago, Gidorra said:

Even with a backstory attached, it still seems entirely possible that the name is not merely a free speech statement, but that it speaks of what he is all about here, that is to say, I would not be surprised that he likes face sitting. Now, there is nothing wrong with that, but it is simply too crass for a first impression. It seems tone-deaf to not realise that even after having it pointed out several times already.

PS what's with the title appropriation in your name? Is that to keep the humble peasants at bay?

Would that it did, Gidorra, would that it did. 😂😂😂

[ma****]

I have to say that while I half sympathise with your overall poi it can be frustrating, it’s happened to me too. I have however managed to successfully say hello to a few new users and share some advice (without being blocked) and they’ve since gone their own way which is fine. I admit slightly disappointed it didn’t lead to a lasting convo or maybe even a meet but that’s just how it is 🤷‍♂️ we all feel that frustration. Don’t be too hard on them 😏 pun intended it’s a new experience for them they need their space to discover for themselves what the lifestyle is all about.

[Re****]

Ok you lot win, will change the name even though the name was also a political statement!

[qu****]

So are the username police now going to go through ALL profiles, male and female, and make the ones that may appear offensive change their username, the incidents mentioned in the OP occur irrelevant to what a username is

[ge****]

9 minutes ago, quietlysure said:

So are the username police now going to go through ALL profiles, male and female, and make the ones that may appear offensive change their username, the incidents mentioned in the OP occur irrelevant to what a username is

I disagree - a username can have a lot of bearing upon a message recipients reaction to a message and so has every relevance.

And no-one "made" anyone do anything - simply pointed out that the previous username of the OP may have directly linked to his experience and the cause of his OP.

As far as I am concerned people can call themselves what they like but they also need to accept that may have an influence on their experience.

[Du****]

9 minutes ago, quietlysure said:

So are the username police now going to go through ALL profiles, male and female, and make the ones that may appear offensive change their username, the incidents mentioned in the OP occur irrelevant to what a username is

1. Nobody ‘made’ anyone do anything
2. ‘Username Police’? Oh, please
3. I’ve no idea whether you’re achieving the degree of positive interaction you want, but try changing your username to, say, ‘JamItInUrAss69’* and see how well your introductory messages are received then.

(*I have not checked to see if that’s an actual person on here. If it is, I’m sure they’re charming and I hope they never message me 🤣)

[CopperKnob]

10 minutes ago, quietlysure said:

So are the username police now going to go through ALL profiles, male and female, and make the ones that may appear offensive change their username, the incidents mentioned in the OP occur irrelevant to what a username is

Yeah 😂😂
I mean, they do give a certain impression, plenty of people think im a bloke 🤷‍♀️

[CopperKnob]

49 minutes ago, sitonmyface2020 said:

Ok you lot win, will change the name even though the name was also a political statement!

Careful, you might come across as an alcoholic - joking 😂

[ey****]

6 minutes ago, quietlysure said:

So are the username police now going to go through ALL profiles, male and female, and make the ones that may appear offensive change their username, the incidents mentioned in the OP occur irrelevant to what a username is

See.

No.  (I mean, technically there are rules about what your user name can be - certain slurs for example)

But. 

There's stuff we (as individuals) can control and stuff we can't - and we can send a wonderful message to someone and we can't control whether they reply or not.   Or what they think of us or not.   

But of course there are impressions they will get.  This can come from things like our username, our profile pic, our profile - and of course the message itself.

People can do what they want. I don't care. But, like, if you're not getting desired results there is always a moment of... is this me? (and also, if it is you - do you care enough to change?) 

[Gidorra]

10 minutes ago, quietlysure said:

So are the username police now going to go through ALL profiles, male and female, and make the ones that may appear offensive change their username, the incidents mentioned in the OP occur irrelevant to what a username is

Until today, nobody told him anything at all regarding his name. But now where he came here to voice his dissatisfaction with feedback/user interaction, people let him know what they think of it. Everybody can adopt any name they want, only your mileage may vary, depending on what it is. So that's a 'no' to your username police concerns.

[ey****]

3 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

I mean, they do give a certain impression, plenty of people think im a bloke 🤷‍♀️

When I first saw your username I thought that - but - I dunno, your eyes kinda give it away that you're not

Unless you have a really good make up game I guess