Looking for Advice about Dommes

[Hawkeye221b]

So, here's the situation:
Roughly a week ago i started talking to and interacting with this Domme through messages, and we get along great- similar interests both in and out of the bedroom, similar age range and relatively similar locations, as well as wanting to earn my trust before earning my submission.
Well, she encouraged me to seek other Dommes while we're in the starting stages of talking because she wants me to find the perfect Domme, even if that means it's not her.
Well yesterday i finally found another Domme who's within my preference range, and she's been quite immediate on being in control.
I won't lie and say it's not nice, but part of me is kind of daunted by her speed and extent of domming (example- telling my to change my discord profile pic to "resemble my status as a pet", despite not reviously discussing such names with me). She also said if we go down a path together, she expects a strictly monogomous relationship. I do understand that and i hope to have one, it's just that i have this feeling she wouldn't let me speak to the first Domme I've interacted with.

So the long and short of this is... what do i do? Part of me knows i shouldn't set my heart on the first person i meet, but the other part is very daunted and kinda nervous about my other option, as well as my personal goal of eventually meeting and having an IRL relation with my Domme... any advice?

[Deleted Member]

A Domme should push your boundaries of what makes you comfortable, but everyone has limits, hard and soft, and even as a sub you need to stick up for yourself. Communication is essential in a Domme/sub dynamic, as is respect for limits. If those foundations aren’t there, then there will be no trust. Without trust, there’s no comfort and no satisfaction. If you have limits, such as not wanting a 24/7 lifestyle or being a pet/slave, then you must express that to your Domme. If that is still her expectation despite your limit, then she is not the right Domme for you. Part of this exploration of your submissive self is learning your own boundaries, what works for you and what doesn’t. If something isn’t working, you need to share that - either in getting to know you phase or aftercare. There isn’t a one-size-fits all category for subs (or for Dommes). Communicate your limits, ask for expectations (be direct - does monogamy mean you can’t converse with other Dommes?), reach understanding about your needs (what you respond well to and what you don’t) and your Domme’s needs. The better the communication and trust, the better the relationship (IRL or not).

[ge****]

Agree with all that SwitchBait has said but would add that the speed the second Domme has taken this and the demands she is placing so early on would raise a red flag for me.

Has she discussed limits/boundaries with you? Likes/dislikes etc?

Have you had interactions with "her" beyond textual on-line ones e.g. webcam? Are you sure she's even a woman? I'm not saying she's not, but a lot of what you have said has the classic hallmarks of a man posing as a woman.

The very fact that you feel daunted and have doubts would be enough to suggest you should take a step back and take things more slowly - tell this second Domme that you want to get to know her better, establish limits and boundaries etc before going any further, and don't do so until *you* are comfortable to do so. If she's the right Domme for you, she'll understand and allow you that time, and help you along with it, if she doesn't understand and continues to make demands and tries to push you, then you have your answer.

Like any new relationship it's very easy to get caught up in the excitement of it and not see the red flags, so taking that step back will not only help you to see them, but give you that time to reflect and decide what's best for you - which is the only thing that should matter.

[Deleted Member]

My personal experience go at your own speed if you think things are going to fast let them know and if they are the right one they will slow down bdsm is a two way street

[Deleted Member]

I’m sketched when people try to get right into the role without trying to understand the person behind that role. I think it’s inauthentic and at least for men, usually a red flag that the person is a scammer. Respect comes with a relationship of some kind, it’s not something that can be demanded or en***d before a relationship exists.

[Mi****]

As a Domme myself, I don’t trust the second one, she shouldn’t be taking control and demanding things of you when you haven’t even spoken about your personal boundaries, people often forget that the ones that have control are first the submissive then the dominant. It sounds like if you were to go further into some type of dynamic with the second Domme she would be an unhealthy kind of controlling and quite self focused. I’m happy to talk more in private if you wish to give you more of a point of view from another Domme.

[ey****]

I do think the second one has my eyebrows raised - but a lot depends on either her experience or inexperience

If she claims to be experienced - that behaviour goes against that

if she is also inexperienced and learning herself - I still possibly wouldn't do those steps, but to consider if that is a route you want to do down

[Cimky]

The 1st Domme has the right idea getting to know you and allowing you to make a choice on your own the 2nd well I see just red flags tons and tons of them. As said it can be inexperience or simply an chancer the last would be my take