Best first steps for doms

[ItsTheTevs]

So I've been into BDSM as a dom for about a decade now but live in a small town without much of a kink community and have never had a partner who's into it.

Having decided to more actively look for a BDSM relationship, I've found that most websites really aren't geared for new doms. Most experienced subs want people on their levels; most new subs want someone with experience to show them the ropes. I completely get it but now aren't quite sure where to go from here.

Has anyone else gone through this and what would people's advice be? What are potential ways of gaining experience in the BDSM world without a local scene or already knowing someone else who's into it?

[FETMOD-KF]

there's a similarish thread on this here : 

 

 

This might be a good starting point before anyone else offers any advice.

[ey****]

13 hours ago, ItsTheTevs said:

What are potential ways of gaining experience in the BDSM world without a local scene or already knowing someone else who's into it?

If you're in Staffordshire there is a local scene.  There's a munch in Newcastle-under-Lyme *this* Sunday.   Plus being circa an hour from Birmingham opens up a lot more options (BBB in Birmingham has regular demos - and 'KinkFest' is in Birmingham which has a lot of demos and workshops)

[Winston60]

I'd suggest being up front about it. I'm in a similar situation really, as whilst I'm 60 and experienced in life skills and interacting with people, I was completely new to the fetish scene when I jumped into it about 10 months ago.

eyemblacksheep's advice is good; get into the local scene and meet people. Send lots of messages. Chat to people. Being enquiring rather than demanding or expecting in one's tone has helped me chat to lots of people.

And if you can connect with someone(s), then you can learn and explore together, sharing the experiences you have. But overall, my advice would be to be honest and up front about who and what you are what you want and importantly, what you hope to be able to offer to other people.

[Ni****]

I started the same as you, interest but no experience. I find that some subs will immediately dismiss you as a potential Dom, but others will be happy to chat and see if it goes anywhere. As others have said, be honest and open when messaging, but maybe not in your first message to a potential sub. Good luck.

[Koby]

On 1/6/2022 at 8:33 PM, ItsTheTevs said:

Has anyone else gone through this and what would people's advice be? What are potential ways of gaining experience in the BDSM world without a local scene or already knowing someone else who's into it?

I had this issue in the beginning, naturally when I literally had no experience.

Experience is not the be all and end all. It doesn't stop someone from being unsafe or a consent violator.

Dom is also not just about the practical elements. It's about your innate values and traits.

I think there a few things you can try -

1) Start Platonically-  find someone willing to start off as friends and build up to a relationship. Within this time, you can start dazzling them with your knowledge of bdsm.

2) Gain experience on a casual or online basis. See how this progresses and maybe the online relationship evolves into a more in-person relationship.

 

 

[Ae****]

Research. Then you'll know what you need to know.

Talk to subs. Most may want someone experienced, but not all need that. Some subs are new themselves.

Start your first relationship with one, boom, you're experienced :)