New sub wants advise

[Deleted Member]

I have started a new 24/7 master/sub relationship with an experienced dom. I have always been kinky but am new to being a sub. He tells me that doms and subs don't kiss, well not french kissing anyway. Is this usual?

[ey****]

it might be his preference not to kiss/french kiss subs - but someone else would have a preference to french kiss subs

[Deleted Member]

There are no universal rules between that type of dynamic.

[Deleted Member]

Thats not true that no dom/sub kiss, that's his own personal choice & not a standard rule for all dom/sub relationships.

[Deleted Member]

There is no hard and fast rule for what Doms and subs do, but from my experience, I always kiss my subs….intimacy and Ds are not mutually exclusive

[Deleted Member]

How do you know he is experienced sweet?

[Ds****]

Yes. It’s quite common. I’m like that with my subs/slaves and usually my other son friends are exactly the same.

[Deleted Member]

Every dynamic is different, for some folk it's not sexual at all and is all about the power exchange. For some it's the opposite and it's intrinsically and heavily sexual.

If you're one end of the scale and he's the other then it may be that your kinks don't mesh just the same as if he wanted perfect obedience and you were a brat who got off on playing up.

Always remember that EVERY scene and dynamic had to work BOTH ways. If one side is getting everything they want at the expense of the other side getting nothing, that is NOT healthy SSC as it's definitely not fully consensual. Flip it around and think if he wanted it sexual and you didn't and he ***d HIS side of it, that's not good BDSM, that's ***.

[cg****]

It all comes down to what the Dom is comfortable and interested in on that aspect.

[Mr-Brown]

I love a good kiss! A Must for me

[Ch****]

As said below, it depends on the people involved, i would say just approach with a little caution, anyone that blanket rules saying 'doms/subs do such and such' rather than 'my preference is to do such and such' is a bit of a red flag for me x

[dr****]

If you like kissing and he doesn't, find another dom

[Deleted Member]

I’m thinking that that has been his experience and preference. Nothing right or wrong with that, but no, that’s not a general rule that all follow. For me, I’ve got to have a connection with my sub, so naturally there’s a lot of kissing. To each his own. Please remember: communication is essential. You can tell him what you like, don’t like, need, and don’t need. If you’re his sub you have a voice in this. I hope it all works great for you.

[typhoon2]

It would help if you agreed terminology. A Master typically has slaves, and once rules are agreed they are adhered to without questioning. A Dominant and submissive relationship tends to be more relaxed, with in-play negotiation. Tops and bottoms negotiate before and stick to the script. In the scenario described above, the person dictating that Doms and subs do not kiss/French kiss is 100% wrong. There is no such convention and never has been. Individuals may prefer not to but defnihtely no blanket rule. A Master might insist on it but the slave would have had to agree this or at least general principles in advance. A Dom might insist on it but should at the very least have negotiated this before the D/s relationship started. A Top/bottom scene would have agred this in detail before play started.

I would suggest that your 'experienced Dom' is either not as experienced as they claim or is using your inexperience to their advantage. Two red flags.

[lo****]

No, if your new he will bend you to his will, he will won’t to know your likes-dislikes, takes time

[Deleted Member]

I’m surprised you started a relationship without discussing this. The answer to your questions is, it depends. If this is a boundary of the Dom, that should be discussed prior to starting the relationship or in a space where the discussion of boundaries is open. As a sub, if this boundary is not acceptable, you should make that known and determine whether or not you can find common ground. Otherwise, the relationship will not be satisfying and end with frustration. Just my perspective. 🙂

[ge****]

As eyem suggests, there is no "general" rule that applies to *any* aspect of a dynamic other than the very individual one agreed between two (or more) informed and consenting adults.
.
Now if not French kissing is his personal preference then you obviously have to respect that and decide whether you can accept it based on your own preferences, but it is certainly not a hard and fast rule applied to or by *all* dominants and submissives.
.
You are also fully entitled to tell him your preferences, limits and boundaries and *expect* him to respect them just as you have to respect his - if all things considered those do not match, you either have to find compromises, or one of you has to accept them, or one of you decides it's not right for you and walk away.
.
Remember though that as a submissive you have as much choice and say in it all as a dominant does.

[Deleted Member]

Yea every dynamic is different. Kissing could be something that takes him out of that dominant head space. This was the case with one of my ex doms and it’s probably the same but we don’t know for sure. Communication is key. There is no harm in asking them personally.

[bi****]

No, its total BS. Most dom/sub relationships are just that - relationships. They just happen to involve unconventional practices on top. Sounds, from a cursory view, that this is another "experienced in his own head" dom. There are alot of them about, strutting around with a childish fantasy idea of what being a male dominant is.

[Deleted Member]

I’d kiss my sub there has to be some passion

[No****]

I don’t think it’s usual. It’s his prerogative to establish his preference in the relationship but if he is generalizing that preference to most Doms/subs, perhaps he is less experienced and kink-aware than he seems.

[jimiboi]

Well that may be his preference, but I call nonsense.

[Deleted Member]

They do it’s all preference. He’s saying it like no one does when that’s just him.

[Deleted Member]

I've been in the lifestyle nearly 2 decades, I kiss my subs, French especially. A Dom should ensure the subs needs are met. Although the Dom is in control that control is a gift from the sub, not a right taken by the Dom

[GP****]

My first and foremost next question would be whats his idea of after care?