Triggers

[Pr****]

So uncomfortable topic. How do you deal with different triggers in the lifestyle? Is there a way to safely figure them out. I know certain triggers of mine but when surprise ones pop up and I freeze during play my dom handles it great but I feel horrible afterwards, like I should know by now but sometimes I don’t even know till it happens. Very frustrating.

[Cheekysub247]

One of my triggers is a hard limit so thankfully i dont need to face it. Theres a few more, one is a confidence trigger and i can absolutely melt down because of it, i need out and away from what im doing, thats a me thing. The others i try to overcome and trust the person im with and know they arnt doing harm, they might not even know its a trigger. Thoughts pop up during stuff that i can normally push down, its rare that i have a moment but it does happen.
I dont know your past and what/why you trigger but never feel bad for not knowing what they are or when they might appear.

[Charms]

I know for a fact that when master an I play there want be anything that triggers me. As its rats, fire works and ballons that triggers me an they want ever be brought up during our play time.

 

I like ballons till they go bang. I can not cope with the noise fire works make either.

As for rats I can just about cope seeing 1 on TV or YouTube.  I can not even go near a cage in a pet shop without breaking into sweats an shake. If I see 1 in the St iv been known to nearly pass put . No idea why either

[Te****]

Communication is huge key!!! If your uncomfortable with something, use your safe word and communicate what’s happening and where you are… I always say , playing should be safe, sane and consensual.. and it helps to have a conversation before entering into a scene. Triggers happen but communication can help prevent a lot of things from going wrong . If you have any questions you can message, if your partner is ok with it ofc.

[Ky****]

only way I find to deal with triggers is by being with ppl in whom you have confidence, like you I don't know all mine so having confidence play partner will act appropriately is best remedy for me

[Ig****]

I either leave, stop talking with someone for a long time (take my step back until I’m ready), block, or act like it doesn’t exists (with some stuff not related to kink)

[Deleted Member]

Don’t feel bad, part of this lifestyle is finding those limits. If you don’t know they exist then you’re still discovering yourself. Any good dom will understand and work with you, this is all about trust and communication. Keep that line of communication open and don’t feel bad about limits you didn’t know you had, enjoy yourself.

[ge****]

Mindfulness, I highly recommend to read a book “ The daily stoic “

[Mo****]

Sounds like you have a good Dom. Like you said, some triggers you know, some you don’t. When one comes up, if you can’t relax and work through it, let your Dom know, talk about, figure out what was said or done that made you feel off, and either agree to slowly work through it, or if you can’t work through it, it becomes a boundary until you are ready to tackle it.. don’t over think it, don’t get embarrassed by it. And remember, all D/s is is therapy. It’s your opportunity to let go of all your insecurities and hang ups and hand them to your leader and let him/her route the best course to bring out the best, happiest, most orgasmic you :) Good luck!

[Leisa]

I know mine but if I didn’t I’d stop play to discuss it and try to figure out why it was a trigger for me so that it didn’t happen again. What I wouldn’t do is feel badly that I stopped a scene to work through it. We all have certain triggers. The key is open communication and trust.

[Deleted Member]

I'm still finding mine out. Had a bad experience recently with a new trigger and I froze during playtime. The other was very understanding and we both took time to talk it over and learn for next time. It actually helped to learn more about myself

[Pr****]

Thursday at 12:21 PM, OneKnottyBoy said:

I'm still finding mine out. Had a bad experience recently with a new trigger and I froze during playtime. The other was very understanding and we both took time to talk it over and learn for next time. It actually helped to learn more about myself

That’s what I did too. Completely froze. My Dom was completely understanding and talked me through it but afterwards I was mad at myself for not knowing ahead of time. Talked to him about it later and actually got in trouble for being so hard on myself. We are still learning each other and I am still learning about myself.

[Deleted Member]

It's always best go talk things out, especially with a dynamic as I have found out. I'm still fairly new and am still learning loads. On my side being the Dom, I really did beat myself up about it as I felt I had to be stronger. But really everyone has a weakness and a *** side. Now you know a new trigger, and so does your Dom. It's a new lesson learned, or 2 in your case. Always talk, always communicate. In my case I had to take a step away from things because it's going to take time for me on this one

[Lotuspetal]

Triggers can be anything, and bdsm play is going to make you feel a lot of them at first. Having a save word, is a must to prevent a trigger from becoming an all out emotional break down, use a had signal if you are gagged, and tied. You maynot want to know why somethings are triggers, just experiencing them and their effects can be enough to use a safe word and move on in play, now that the trigger has ceased. However a trigger can bring about very strong sensations, remi ding you of past violent abusive, and humilating experiences, if it is the first time a trigger is brought to the surface a ***ful flashback then please take tge ti.e to confront them and try to remember where they coming from, sometimes your brain will offer you no further insight, and only t
With time will your brain show you past experiences you have blocked, dont be angry if your brain isn't giving you answers,thats because, it knows you are not emotionally ready, to, experience feelings that come from past trauma.

[Deleted Member]

Triggers are what a psychologist would call a phobia. Of course you don't know you have one until you've been exposed.
I had a sub gf that freaked when I caressed her face. I didn't need to understand why, and I took the safe option, I quit.
On the other hand, many psychologists would recommend immersion. I do not. I had a female friend (not sub or gf) that freaked at the sight of clowns (which I discovered later is not unusual). I made the mistake of tying her to a chair and making her watch "It". 'It" made her even more scared of clowns and ended our friendship.
Everybody has triggers. Some are evolutionarily hard wired, some environmentally caused. Either way, there is no reason to be ashamed or embarrassed. The important thing is that your Dom apparently did a/the right thing and did not leave you emotionally scarred for life. If he had, you might / would probably leave the lifestyle.

[Mx****]

Thursday at 04:00 AM, Provert said:

Triggers are what a psychologist would call a phobia. Of course you don't know you have one until you've been exposed.
I had a sub gf that freaked when I caressed her face. I didn't need to understand why, and I took the safe option, I quit.
On the other hand, many psychologists would recommend immersion. I do not. I had a female friend (not sub or gf) that freaked at the sight of clowns (which I discovered later is not unusual). I made the mistake of tying her to a chair and making her watch "It". 'It" made her even more scared of clowns and ended our friendship.
Everybody has triggers. Some are evolutionarily hard wired, some environmentally caused. Either way, there is no reason to be ashamed or embarrassed. The important thing is that your Dom apparently did a/the right thing and did not leave you emotionally scarred for life. If he had, you might / would probably leave the lifestyle.

Triggers are not always phobias and more often AREN'T.

Triggered responses (triggers) are a psychological or physiological involuntary response related to past experiences. Sometimes these triggers are put in place by our brain to protect us- and in those cases adrenaline is dumped into our system as part of fight or flight.

This is important to know as a top, (and the top can be triggered too), because if the bottom is incapacitated in some way, they may not be able to do anything with that adrenaline. Safe words are important, but just because they haven't safeworded doesn't mean they are good to go. The top has to pay attention.

Sometimes your brain gets it wrong, and you get triggered inappropriately. This is where that exposure therapy comes in, but this is better left to a medical professional.

[Mx****]

2 minutes ago, MxDami said:

Triggers are not always phobias and more often AREN'T.

Triggered responses (triggers) are a psychological or physiological involuntary response related to past experiences. Sometimes these triggers are put in place by our brain to protect us- and in those cases adrenaline is dumped into our system as part of fight or flight.

This is important to know as a top, (and the top can be triggered too), because if the bottom is incapacitated in some way, they may not be able to do anything with that adrenaline. Safe words are important, but just because they haven't safeworded doesn't mean they are good to go. The top has to pay attention.

Sometimes your brain gets it wrong, and you get triggered inappropriately. This is where that exposure therapy comes in, but this is better left to a medical professional.

Salivating over an ice cream cone is also a triggered response- your brain has connected experiences with the ice cream. Someone who has never had ice cream might have no reaction at all, and someone who has childhood trauma around ice cream may want nothing to do with it.