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I'm new, want to know how to get started


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I've been interested in bdsm for a while but never got involved. But I'd like to. I have a couple of questions:

1. Is there somewhere I can go to just sit in the background, have a few drinks and watch? Like an event at a bar or something? Is that what people mean when they say they're going to a 'dungeon' - is a dungeon a public space, and would newbies be welcome, and would I be allowed to watch without participating?

2. I don't want to in any way be unfaithful to my boyfriend, so I wouldn't want to go to any sex-themed event without his knowledge or permission. In fact I'd really like him to come with me. Any advice on how to bring up the topic with him and see if he'd be interested?


Thank you for any advice! :)


1) yes.    

The best approach is tradionally a munch.  There is a lot of regional variances on rules on admission, vetting, etc. and this may be up to you to find specifically.

I've had a little look at stuff going on in Auckland and it seems there's a lot of choice, but this isn't obviously an area I'm familiar with


I think again a first suggestion would be a munch, because then it's easier to talk in a more social environment with others already involved.  A full on play-party might be a bit much to someone new to the idea.

To broach it, individuals are different - but ask if he's ever had any sexual fantasies, or if he's aware of on fetishes he might have.  Once he's answered and the question returns to you, you can state you'd like to go to BDSM and/or sex parties - would he be interested in exploring with you?

I'd go to a munch as eyemblacksheep had suggested!
Fetish Clubs are great they’re just like normal clubs where you can go & have a drink & a dance etc but with play going on. You don’t need to join in you just can sit & chat to people as you would in a normal club. Some have some exposed play in view such as whipping racks etc & more going on in separate rooms & others have a lot on display but either way there’s no requirement to ‘join in’

Perfect - that's an ideal start :)  

Depending on how things play out, keep us updated - and of course, this forum is good for any advice before or after the event.

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