What to do when you can't find partners

[Da****]

There's *** to be made if we can get this right.... I just see another thread where the original poster seems to have deleted their account not long after asking similar questions... Oh dear.

[Deleted Member]

Been searching 3 years for a dominant mistress to come into my life and still nothing. I believe what I seek is what almost every male seeks at least once in his life making it extremely difficult to find a lady to meet my needs and desires, as I have a need to fulfill hers.. beyond the fake profiles, scammers limited active members etc.. makes it like almost impossible to find a good match in the kink world. So to those of you who have found a partner, consider yourselves extremely lucky. I'm an attractive male, but when I say I'm submissive only in the bedroom , they ***ter like roaches withb that light turned on.. just for once I'd love to fully submit to an attractive domme, and let someone else literally take the reigns for a while. Men are used up and ***d too often in their real lives, taken for granted and left aside for false pretenses. I'd love nothing more than to have something real, deep and exciting connection with a superior female. Maybe one dayy... maybe...

[CopperKnob]

20 hours ago, concordia974 said:

I stopped telling people I was disabled out the gate. I then started getting messages. So I no longer disclose my *** until later in the game. Seemed to help me out. My closing point is list only the positive and let them find the negative if there is any.

That's actually really sad. I'm sorry that you've felt the need that you can't be upfront and I'm disappointed that others would behave that way

[Deleted Member]

The most common one is that uses these services at work, a day player. Makes the time fly! Now when end of business Friday strikes 4:00, not a word from the person you were building a relationship with until mid day Monday, or not at all. Abandoned-

[Deleted Member]

Just wanted to take a sec to say thank you to those that took the time to write constructive feed back on my thread! I took what was said to heart and made fixes in the areas where my profile my have been cringe worthy.

I enjoy discussion and will in the future bring more of that forward, thanks so much for being a cool group!

[Cu****]

Ive met several people that been disabled and not been upfront with it, ive suggested to do things together that they rejected for then a unknown reason.

After meeting them it became obvious why, made me really feel bad that suggested that, but in my mind i know it was not my fault, but still thinking about that individual gets me to think about that feeling, and it its not positive.

Id love to meed one disability no issue, i have no issue with it - so that are clear. but the feeling of suggesting things that so bad it .....

I think pep shuld be upfront with things, ive been also, but i removed most things from my profiles on pages as not given anything, i will chat about it instead.

[do****]

I'm in the same boat. I live in a fairly populated tri-metro area with a lot of diversity yet I have trouble even meeting a Sub Brat on all the dating sites. I have myself out there everywhere because my thought pattern is the more you are on, the better the odds. IMO I think it's easier to meet a sub or a dom at an event IRL. The hard part for women with online dating is establishing that connection. Women tend to be on the emotional attraction side and want to see their man in public and watch how they behave towards them and others. This builds their interest and attraction. They also like men who are passionate about something such as cars, bikes, fishing, playing a sport, etc. Don't expect to meet someone sitting at home online and fishing dating sites. You need to be out there interacting. I'm a work in progress and need to take my own advice haha. I'm being lazy 😂.

[je****]

I really agree with that Women believes in action not just a spoken word,cause we seem to think and view thinks differently and it’s not just about fishing for a lady what matters most is how you plan on making her realize you’re the man

[Lo****]

16 hours ago, domman20 said:

They also like men who are passionate about something such as cars, bikes, fishing, playing a sport, etc.

I agree that people who are passionate about something are more attractive, but I think the examples you’ve given aren’t necessarily the best ones 😂

When I see dating profiles of men where their photos show them standing in front of their cars or bikes or holding a great big fish, it’s more likely to turn me off. However, if they’re passionate about social justice, the environment, cooking or the arts, for example, my interest is much more likely to be piqued.

[ge****]

34 minutes ago, Lockfairy said:

I agree that people who are passionate about something are more attractive, but I think the examples you’ve given aren’t necessarily the best ones 😂

When I see dating profiles of men where their photos show them standing in front of their cars or bikes or holding a great big fish, it’s more likely to turn me off. However, if they’re passionate about social justice, the environment, cooking or the arts, for example, my interest is much more likely to be piqued.

So there I was cooking in my kitchen pondering what could be done to help those suffering injustice especially when swathes of greenbelt land are under threat when I hit on the idea of making it my next art project....

....and then I woke up and remembered I'm a submissive who cooks badly and draws even more badly 🤣😂

[Lo****]

1 hour ago, gemini_man said:

So there I was cooking in my kitchen pondering what could be done to help those suffering injustice especially when swathes of greenbelt land are under threat when I hit on the idea of making it my next art project....

....and then I woke up and remembered I'm a submissive who cooks badly and draws even more badly 🤣😂

😂😂😂

[Deleted Member]

I've always had trouble meeting people on internet sites, although I've never had trouble meeting new people and connecting with them IRL. I'm a bit more apprehensive online and never quite sure of the right way to approach things, so probably need to try a bit harder! I've had a couple of online 'romances' but these were not people I met through dating sites, they were people I bonded with on other sites over common interest. I think as previous posters have said, networking with others and being respectful at all times will probably increase your chances of finding someone you have a real connection with.

[Deleted Member]

Ok OP, I've checked your (updated) profile. Quite some thing it is, a man  for all seasons in all meanings.
My advice, get in with your community. I've checked on Fetlife, there are 400 groups in Philly and another 350 in Baltimore. Most are admittedly rubbish, but the larger ones, especially the Munches are where the people you seek may well be found, in real life. The usual advice, contact the organisers for info and whether they do meet and greets for newcomers before the main event and the best advice ever, check their profiles to see what groups they belong to and what events they go to as by definition, they tend to be very active and supportive of others. Good luck. 

[Ch****]

Im new but I've had absolutely no hookup no talk back

[CopperKnob]

6 hours ago, Cherokee76 said:

Im new but I've had absolutely no hookup no talk back

Because Fet is not a hook up site

[ge****]

6 hours ago, Cherokee76 said:

Im new but I've had absolutely no hookup no talk back

12 days is no time at all on sites like this - especially for single men looking for "hook ups" - time and patience are key.
.
Similarly take a look at your profile and ask if there's anything there that makes you stand out or pique people's interests? Or is it a generic couple of lines that read "I want"? Be honest with yourself about it and adjust accordingly.
.
Give people something to want to respond to you, be open and honest about your interests and kinks and what you hope to get from the site.
.
Think about your approach too - if you're just blindly messaging other profiles are there other things you could be doing, like getting involved in the forums or chat rooms and getting "known" that way. If you're not getting replies to your messages, is the content of the messages appropriate or could you adjust that in the hope of getting a response?
.
None of the above will guarantee a thing, but it will certainly improve your chances and experience, not to mention understanding of the site.

[ey****]

One of the kinda swords on any site like this is that it is *really* difficult when you are new.

If you are a new guy you can be seen as being the lates new and horny guy after a hook up

If you are new lady, then there are guys who are rather predatory and will kinda look for your sign up to pounce.  

It's not a sprint. Take your time. 

[Cu****]

12 hours ago, Cherokee76 said:

Im new but I've had absolutely no hookup no talk back

Ive mostly found people that are selling pictures or 'hookup'.

And this page have a "dominatrix" that pay to be on it.

So i doubt will find anyone serious on any pages like this, im on several.

With things like "Your content will need to be approved by a moderator"

I know friends thats been on other similar pages for 20 years without finding some one, and nearly half my age.

So im skeptical to find a serious and real and permanent partner on any pages, even dating sites.

I found more friends and partners with regular free chat pages, some i still chat to after 20 years, but they to far away for it to become something.

I only fine people that want to do things one time, and are open with it initially so its ok, but im looking for a more permanent partner, marriage perhaps. And thus found none on any pages.

[PaganDawn]

Hello and welcome to Fet.
Tbf..it is hard.. but all of the above comments offer valid points. Over the years I've seen this site become more of a kinky Facebook than a true bdsm site.mbut you have to remember they all need to make ***. If they didn't we would have nowhere to go.
Ita taken me years to find a 24/7 D/s and I met my Sir on another site. But we have made great friends here that we have met irl.
Ger out to munchies...events.
Learn what it is to be part of this wonderful kink world..ask questions.. Read
Expand your experiences.
And as above..take great care in your profile..be true to your core desires and needs. Be brave and put them out there.
Give a prospective viewer a story.. a glimpse into your fantasy. Aim it at them so when they read it they feel pulled in.
You don't have to be great at writing.. just write from your heart.
And...before you approach someone read theirs. Take from it and use what you find in your introduction message. Make it unique..aimed at them.
Kink is not a quick fix. It is a way of life..you first have to learn to crawl..

[Ch****]

Thank you both for the replies. I'll work on all the points you shared

[Deleted Member]

It occurs to me we hold back right? I like anal stuff and only when the vibe is good so I feel to share. Other than that, most of my relationships come with this auto hide feature. I am not going to share when I feel it won't be appreciated. I don't like casting pearls before swine. So there is a part of me (big juicy part) I hide. Feels bad and I don't get away with it. They feel it on some level and I am dimmed down.

We want to be open and accepted. That's the goal. Then we can relax a bit and try to have some fun in bed!

Relationships have always failed for me aka single, but when I shared my kink it was better. The openness was palatable.

It's that *** that drags us down. *** that your kink will be used against us. We live in different worlds. You get up and go to work where you don't share your kink. You talk to family where you don't share. You talk to your mates and don't share. If you are lucky you share with a partner. If you pay to play and at least you know you won't be shamed, unless that is what you are paying for💪😂.

It is tough. But we all have it like that as well. I only feel good when I feel I have done my part. If I know what my part is 🤔

[Cu****]

I chatted with a girl from another kink page two days now that contacted me, was a local individual so that was good, but my hopes are extremely low.

I found unless i write lets 'fuck or similar' more or less directly they usually never write again after chatting a while.

I find it hard to guess what they after as never clearly write it.

I find behaving nice and polite are not wanted, and i find it annoying.

[ey****]

1 hour ago, CuddleDL said:

I found unless i write lets 'fuck or similar' more or less directly they usually never write again after chatting a while.

I find it hard to guess what they after as never clearly write it.

I find behaving nice and polite are not wanted, and i find it annoying.

Stuff is difficult but a couple of points.

Conversations do generally fizzle out after a while but the kinda question here is how long is the chat going on before they stop?   If it had been an otherwise productive chat, how do you kinda feel about the conversation ending?  Did you feel it was going somewhere because an otherwise positive conversation it wouldn't be rude to prod it along a bit

And if there is someone you are talking to where you're unsure of their motives - if you feel there is a direction you want it to go, you can always ask.    

Like, I get a lot.   Because there's people I have messaged with where I have assumed they just want a friendly chat, and it might be helpful if they were the ones to raise something otherwise.  But then a lot of the time I've not felt "OMG I must meet this person" even if there are folk I've chatted with it'd be nice to meet with some point.

The thing is also if you behave politely (like, actually politely) you'll at least be remembered as someone who was pleasant to talk with rather than someone *ugh* which tying back to my point of reinitiating conversation means it'd be less likely to be shunned

[Lo****]

1 hour ago, CuddleDL said:

I chatted with a girl from another kink page two days now that contacted me, was a local individual so that was good, but my hopes are extremely low.

I found unless i write lets 'fuck or similar' more or less directly they usually never write again after chatting a while.

I find it hard to guess what they after as never clearly write it.

I find behaving nice and polite are not wanted, and i find it annoying.

It’s no good trying to second-guess what other people want. All you can do is be you and be honest about what you want.

[Ja****]

I haven't received any replies at all either, just some likes. But I'm still gonna try. But ask that say they would like to chat and get comfortable with someone don't seem to answer