The Big C

[AKA_Copper]

Sometimes it feels pointless to try again when you had it and lost it.

The big C.

The Connection. That Connection. The ‘everything just fit’ Connection.

It was so easy. Immediately. Right of the bat. The banter. The pop culture references. The humour. The serious stuff. All of it.

It fit.
It clicked.
The way great starts are so often described.
On almost every level, it just worked.
Simply worked.

When you’ve had a taste of it and have known that feeling, when it carried on and on, only intensifying and not fading. When you end most conversations with some form of “what the 🦆? How's this possible? Are we crazy? We’re crazy!”

When you’ve had that...

It’s so damn hard to try again. New people. Their nuances. The small talk, the filling of silences, the misunderstandings via text. I hate all of it under the best of conditions. The formalities. The impressions we send out. Our best selves. The bit of a mask we wear while feeling each other out...I hate it all.

I want that ease back.
I want that banter back.
I want that immediacy back.
I want that intimacy back.
I want that once in a lifetime kind of charge back.

I just want that big C once more. I promise not to 🦆 it up this time.

[gr****]

You are not crazy to still want it. It is hardwired in us. That is a beautiful poem.

[Deleted Member]

I feel you. I had a person I connected with like that and I recently lost the only way I had to contact them. It's hard getting over someone when you know they still liked you.

[ge****]

I hear you CK - it's a wonderful thing when you find it and everything seems so effortless, especially when it appears after years and years of settling for not having it and you think "finally my time has come"...

...the downside though is when you've found it and it crumbles the fall is harder and leaves you questioning and trying to make sense of it all.

You know what though? You do bounce back and start to want it again, and you're stronger for having had it and lost it and recovered - it takes time but piece by piece you glue yourself back together and start to see that the "it" you had found wasn't actually "the" it, but "an" it, sent to mark time and ready you for "the" one.

[Deleted Member]

To find that perfect connection, the one only heard of in storybook is truly rare, to lose it feels like your soul is being ripped from your body and there is nothing you can do to stop it. I hope very much that connection finds you once more. Don't let yourself be turned into stone because once that point has been reached there is nothing that can turn you back.

[Deleted Member]

You don't know what you're missing until it's gone. Again, regret comes after sin. My motto, "Look before you start", otherwise applies "who burns his ass must sit on the blisters".

[Ar****]

This 💔😪

[Go****]

I feel this. I swing wildly between "never again, I'm done" and "I want that feeling back".

[ge****]

8 minutes ago, GoodGirlBetterBrat said:

I feel this. I swing wildly between "never again, I'm done" and "I want that feeling back".

And again I hear you - the last year has been full of it for me, to the point I really don't know what I want in a lot of respects - certainly in terms of deep seated emotional entanglement anyway

[DeviantInside]

Oh how I can relate to this. Have been blessed with a couple of relationships that worked on every level and it can be very daunting wondering if anything will ever quite reach that again, or how much will be a compromise...

Damnit going to go buy a bucket of ice cream now and pretend the world doesn't exist for a bit... then will bury the melancholy again, get my head back out my posterior and remind myself that hey those relationships were good for a reason, and I was at least a part of that reason. So who knows I may be able to find a third sucker who's kinky af, can put up with my incredibly poor puns/humour, can deal with quite how stubborn, frustrating, irritating and sarcastic I can be and possibly even finds me attractive too (or is blind, one or the other).

[SophieSubSlut11]

How do you do it?! 🥺

[DeviantInside]

2 minutes ago, SophieSlut11 said:

How do you do it?! 🥺

Well for me... well both times started online. Spent a while chatting and getting to know each other... so by the time we met they were already well prepared for what they were letting themselves in for and had no one else to blame by that point.

 

More serious note though, it was exactly that getting to know each other and chatting before we got into any kink or any relationship. And I spent a lot of time chatting to all sorts of everyone without any expectation of anything. I was (and still am) as happy randomly chatting about why raspberry flavour is blue, whether there is objective ethics (did philosophy as a degree so I can chat bs and argue about anything), exploring my inner geek, or even occasionally about kink. So in a way even though it started on kink websites the kink side only developed after everything else.

[01SwitchMan01]

I feel u

[Clairie34]

Absolutely. I had it and lost it, now I’m scared to try again.

[DaddyDoublestuff]

Wooot I feel this. I had been doing that dance for about 6 years. It's gotten worse and worse it seems for me.

[Go****]

1 hour ago, DeviantInside said:

So in a way even though it started on kink websites the kink side only developed after everything else.

I think that might just be one of the best ways to begin something. It's built upon a solid foundation of gradually gleaned trust and knowledge, occasionally intermingled with kink when appropriate, but also knowing when it isn't appropriate. 

[Go****]

3 hours ago, gemini_man said:

And again I hear you - the last year has been full of it for me, to the point I really don't know what I want in a lot of respects - certainly in terms of deep seated emotional entanglement anyway

It really knocks you sideways and has you second guessing everything you thought you wanted, and wondering about everything you didn't want. 

[Deleted Member]

SirRolo: This is a writing about an emotional time in someone’s life, we share these to let our feelings out and find support within others that can connect to our situation. Judge not my friend less thee be Judged and found wanting. Loosely translated if your comment on the subject is not in some way supportive or constructively helpful to this individual going through a hard time keep the fire and brimstone to your self.

[Vi****]

Reading this makes me sad and envious at the same time. I've never had that level of connection you all speak of, well not on the kink level. It sounds like the best thing in the world and the worst all mixed together but then I guess anything worth having isn't going to be easy is it. 

All we can do is keep hope, keep on searching, it'll find you again Copper. X

[Mo****]

2 years on this month, and it still hurts.

It's easier to swallow now, but the *** lingers 😔

[Firefox_]

This ❤️ I don't know how I'd cope if daddy ever left my side, he's become my everything. Sending big hugs xx

[so****]

Omg yes! lol I can't promise not to 🦆 it up, as that's my usual protocol it seems. But those instant connections are so rare & so good. I've only had 2 in my whole 36 years on this Earth & I hope to have one more before I go lol