That said there are many that enjoy the whole brattiverse and enjoy the whole give and take and play back and forth involved. Which is what works for them.

This is good. For some. I am possibly the worst Dom for a brat as I don’t react expectedly to brattiness. I am far less likely to give someone the thing they are trying to get if I feel they are trying to “play” or manipulate me towards it. I prefer to do those things when they are behaving in a Read more… mutually beneficial way rather than trying to provoke me.

You could ask if there was any way they could create a “contact in emergency” box/message/instruction so you would be informed if anything should happen. It is something I have done in the past.

This. Things like keys or something similar that jingle or make a distinctive sound (especially over a hard floor) can be great for this.

I can only talk about the clubs I have been to in the UK and from my own personal opinion. Wearing a collar does not designate that you are owned or with someone. It has become almost a fashion accessory at this point, particularly at fet clubs I have been to. In fact I have known people wear Read more… collars who are single and have absolutely no intention of submitting to anyone. What matters more is being respectful, being engaging but not encroaching, not simping or being pradadtory and, you know, just being a generally half decent almost human being. That said I have no clue what the club you are thinking of going to is like, it may be more worthwhile contacting the people that run the place and asking what is considered ok there specifically.

It’s better to be wanted without being needed than needed without being wanted.

This isn’t meant to be confrontational because I actually agree that we should try to be as aware as possible in all aspects of our lives but there is no possible way we could ever know every possible “input” into the decisions we make. However, we should always question, both ourselves and others, Read more… so I think I still agree… wait… that may be my parents speaking.

Ok… just to say that this is common. There are ways to do it safely. Blindfolds, ear plugs, sensory deprivation. The person can be there monitoring the situation the entire time, but… you don’t know that, at least not for sure. The mind is an amazing playground. Now a caring Dom would never want Read more… something to go wrong for their sub, and even an uncaring one wouldn’t want to deal with the aftermath of something going wrong, but it’s amazing what can be done with a planted seed.

One thing though, it does not make you a failure. You know what you are good at. If someone brand new in your field made mistakes or didn’t do something perfectly would you judge them a failure? Or would you try to help them understand? Now from what I have read I don’t think you did anything wrong Read more… anyway. But even if you had why should you be expected to know something you had no experience of.

I think you have your answer there.

As a general rule no. These should be as a rule fundamental basics of BDSM relationships. There are people who specifically do not want these for various reasons but should only ever be entertained with full understanding of potential risks and pitfalls and acceptance of what that might entail.

I think the upshot here isn’t whether you dodged a bullet or not. I think the main take away is you know what is right for you and how this didn’t match up to that.

Ok there are a number of things here. From the sound of things you never agreed to enter into this. He decided you should. There doesn’t sound like he have any consideration to your circumstances or real life priorities or necessities. It also doesn’t sound like there was clear communication on Read more… what was expected or desired. He said he was good with “those sort of problems” but without knowing what those are I would ask if he has actually shown that he has any consideration of them or not. He hasn’t given you any idea what meeting will entail… so no discussion of limits? Safe words? Physical/mental limitations/triggers/limits(soft and hard)? Reassurance?
Has he shown any background or experiences that he knows what he is doing? Or that he actually understands what you want need?
Is it mutual?
Obviously I have no idea what connection you had or the messages shared but how much could have been said as something that could have been said as something you wanted to hear?
I don’t know these answers.