Vi**** Posted June 16, 2022 Posted June 16, 2022 (edited) The use of words and false promises, months of chat, revealing a little here and there. The wit, intelligent conversation, the flirting, the filth, the excitement. Then you have a niggle a doubt it starts to grow, you put it to the back of your mind. No it's not true it can't be, we had a connection, we are going to meet and it will be amazing how can it not, we click. The doubt you follow, you probe, you trust your gut and then find out, it's all a facade. You feel stupid, nieve and bitterly disappointed. But as always dust yourself off and keep on going because what else is there to do. If you don't hold onto the thought that there are some real genuine men out there, what are you left with. Spite, anger and regret, none of these I've learned are healthy to hold onto. So there is always going to be those who dangle the carrot, use there smoke and mirrors, but all we can do is try to see through it and listen to those little niggles you often ignore. Edited June 16, 2022 by Vic1077
CopperKnob Posted June 16, 2022 Posted June 16, 2022 Exactly Vic, focus on the positives and silver linings life gives us. That experience, whilst difficult at the time I'm sure, has likely saved you a lot more heartbreak and upset
ge**** Posted June 16, 2022 Posted June 16, 2022 Sadly that's the downside of the whole on-line thing - people can string you along, tell you all you want to hear and you have to take it on merit - you can never truly know until you do meet, and even then it may not be all it seems. . There isn't a great deal you can do about it when it happens either, other than dust yourself off and take it as a lesson learned - and all the time *know* you're the better person and it's absolutely not you but them.
Deleted Member Posted June 16, 2022 Posted June 16, 2022 Honestly, the easiest way to avoid this is after a week of talking just meet for coffee or dinner or whatever. I'm not saying engage in kink play, take as long as you want but at least start interacting with the person - in person.
CopperKnob Posted June 16, 2022 Posted June 16, 2022 2 hours ago, Vic1077 said: Am currently living it Copper x It'll get better
CopperKnob Posted June 16, 2022 Posted June 16, 2022 1 hour ago, Mathbro said: Honestly, the easiest way to avoid this is after a week of talking just meet for coffee or dinner or whatever. I'm not saying engage in kink play, take as long as you want but at least start interacting with the person - in person. I think you have a point but there's generally extentuating circumstances, distance, kids, study and when it happened to me, covid lockdowns
ge**** Posted June 16, 2022 Posted June 16, 2022 1 hour ago, Mathbro said: Honestly, the easiest way to avoid this is after a week of talking just meet for coffee or dinner or whatever. I'm not saying engage in kink play, take as long as you want but at least start interacting with the person - in person. Whilst that *can* help - if someone is out to be deceitful they'll continue that regardless of whether the interaction is on-line or in person. . Yes it's unarguably harder to maintain the deceit in person over some things (age, physicality etc) but there are many things that not even a coffee date will uncover. . Personally I've usually spent time getting to know people via messages etc first and using my gut instinct, and it's not failed me yet - in fact the one time when somebody was deceitful was actually when I met them face to face from the start. . So there is no absolute guarantee regardless of the method.
ey**** Posted June 16, 2022 Posted June 16, 2022 2 hours ago, Mathbro said: Honestly, the easiest way to avoid this is after a week of talking just meet for coffee or dinner or whatever. I'm not saying engage in kink play, take as long as you want but at least start interacting with the person - in person. context is important there had been someone I had been spending some time talking with and, we were on opposite ends of the country during covid lockdowns that never seemed to ease to the point we could meet; they also had childcare to factor which was also difficult particularly during covid : I don't think there's any ill feeling either side that conversation ended, things in her life changed that took priority but still, I think sometimes the "just meet up" suggestion, it's good... but... it underestimates some barriers. For me to "meet for coffee" then for bus fares, a couple of cuppas, maybe a sandwich, is easily passing £20 - plus a few hours out of my day/weekend/whatever - not, of course, that I am against this at all - but imagine if I was doing this "to see if we connect" weekly, or twice a week - this adds up. Now if the other person also has to sort childcare during this coffee meet - you can see why there also needs to be a little confidence. And this is before we even get into safety - because if one person suggests somewhere and the other can establish it's somewhere they go regularly, this gives a lot of information.
Go**** Posted June 16, 2022 Posted June 16, 2022 11 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said: if one person suggests somewhere and the other can establish it's somewhere they go regularly, this gives a lot of information And that is exactly why I go out of my way to meet people at first. I will not suggest a meet at or near somewhere I go regularly. 2 hours ago, Mathbro said: Honestly, the easiest way to avoid this is after a week of talking just meet for coffee or dinner or whatever Whilst I do agree to a certain extent, if someone is out to deceive, chances are they will do it regardless. Again, more difficult to do in person, but the things which OP has been deceived by are not things that would be solved by coffee in person. It's also difficult to 'just meet for coffee'. I've spoken to people 100+ miles away, or people who are only free at weekends when I was only free during the week. There are usually reasons why continued or prolonged online interaction occurs. Hugs, Vic 😘
ey**** Posted June 16, 2022 Posted June 16, 2022 3 minutes ago, GoodGirlBetterBrat said: nd that is exactly why I go out of my way to meet people at first. I will not suggest a meet at or near somewhere I go regularly. yep - and this is other labour a lot of people don't appreciate. So you end up trying to find and research other places - and because it's less convenient it increases the travel time/cost and so on.
Vi**** Posted June 16, 2022 Author Posted June 16, 2022 (edited) 5 hours ago, Mathbro said: Honestly, the easiest way to avoid this is after a week of talking just meet for coffee or dinner or whatever. I'm not saying engage in kink play, take as long as you want but at least start interacting with the person - in person. The point I should have also made is I have tried to meet and arrange but they make up excuses time after time. Also as others have said, it's not easy as I have children, work, and there's travel costs as not local. Edited June 16, 2022 by Vic1077
DLDaddy1285 Posted June 16, 2022 Posted June 16, 2022 I hope you understand that what you said goes for both men and wemon. I've had that exact same thing happen and all they were after was *** and they would say anything to get it. So please understand. Us guys have been duped also.
CopperKnob Posted June 16, 2022 Posted June 16, 2022 3 minutes ago, DLDaddy1285 said: I hope you understand that what you said goes for both men and wemon. I've had that exact same thing happen and all they were after was *** and they would say anything to get it. So please understand. Us guys have been duped also. Thats a lovely empathetic response
Vi**** Posted June 16, 2022 Author Posted June 16, 2022 2 hours ago, DLDaddy1285 said: I hope you understand that what you said goes for both men and wemon. I've had that exact same thing happen and all they were after was *** and they would say anything to get it. So please understand. Us guys have been duped also. Of course I do!! As its my post being a woman I am talking obviously about this from a female point of view. So whilst this happen to all people from all walks of life, I am not turning this post into a male v female competition 🙄
Vi**** Posted June 16, 2022 Author Posted June 16, 2022 2 hours ago, CopperKnob said: Thats a lovely empathetic response Isn't it just Copper x
CopperKnob Posted June 16, 2022 Posted June 16, 2022 17 minutes ago, Vic1077 said: Isn't it just Copper x Sometimes I think people assume that we need to hear that the same things happens to 'everyone' regardless as to who they/we are when in fact, all we probably want is others to listen to our turmoil and offer sensitive reassurance
Lo**** Posted June 16, 2022 Posted June 16, 2022 It’s so hard to judge whether the niggles are bad enough to be terminal sometimes. When there are just one or two small things, I have tended to think, well everyone has faults and perhaps I can ignore this one … You mustn’t blame yourself and feel ‘stupid and naive’. You worked it out against all their lies, you trusted your gut and you got out. That’s something to feel good about yourself for. ❤️
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