How dare you?!

[Deleted Member]

I'm very surprised someone would talk to you for months without meeting in person. At this point when I match with someone on OLD I want to meet within a week or less or I feel they aren't serious. I don't agree it's any riskier than meeting a random person you just met off the street or from some event for coffee or dinner or what ever.

I'm not saying invite them to your house and get drunk with them but I do want to meet basically immediately to decide if we actually are into each other or not. 

[ey****]

length of time depends on context

like; if I'm talking to someone I would want to move on to meeting in person quickly; but it could be daunting for them - so - patience never goes amiss

then there's things like life circumstances, where they might be still able to talk on and off, but for the time being isn't their top priority even if they do really want to

and then

you add in distance sometimes. 

[Lo****]

4 minutes ago, Mathbro said:

I'm very surprised someone would talk to you for months without meeting in person.

It’s because I’m worth it. 😊

[Lo****]

Just now, Lockfairy said:

It’s because I’m worth it. 😊

Oh, and we have met!

[Lo****]

3 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

length of time depends on context

like; if I'm talking to someone I would want to move on to meeting in person quickly; but it could be daunting for them - so - patience never goes amiss

then there's things like life circumstances, where they might be still able to talk on and off, but for the time being isn't their top priority even if they do really want to

and then

you add in distance sometimes. 

Exactly. Context is everything.

When we first started talking to him, I had not long left an abusive relationship. It was going to be a while before I was ready for anything new.  It’s odd, but he didn’t throw his hands in the air and stomp off in an impatient huff when he didn’t get what he wanted within five minutes of meeting me. Weird, huh?

[Ar****]

13 minutes ago, Mathbro said:

At this point when I match with someone on OLD I want to meet within a week or less or I feel they aren't serious.

I wonder - without presumption - how much this might tie in to another certain thread there have been differing views expressed over very recently. I suspect that a great many men have the whole "meet me asap or else that tells me you aren't serious" outlook, either because they actually mean it and create a rod for their own back or because they are simply trying to manipulate the object of their desire through guilt and pressure.

Whereas I think that (and I do generalise here) women tend to look upon the the matter as "wait until I'm ready for meeting, or else that tells me you aren't serious*". 

Which leads to entitled and impatient men concluding women are timewasters, and to women receiving *** from guys who make unreasonable demands and don't understand they have lives outside of dating, because they don't live up to the expectations such men project upon them.

*or are potentially (likely) dangerous

[Deleted Member]

3 minutes ago, Aranhis said:

I wonder - without presumption - how much this might tie in to another certain thread there have been differing views expressed over very recently. I suspect that a great many men have the whole "meet me asap or else that tells me you aren't serious" outlook, either because they actually mean it and create a rod for their own back or because they are simply trying to manipulate the object of their desire through guilt and pressure.

Whereas I think that (and I do generalise here) women tend to look upon the the matter as "wait until I'm ready for meeting, or else that tells me you aren't serious*". 

Which leads to entitled and impatient men concluding women are timewasters, and to women receiving *** from guys who make unreasonable demands and don't understand they have lives outside of dating, because they don't live up to the expectations such men project upon them.

*or are potentially (likely) dangerous

Not at all? I have yet to interact with any woman on this site I consider remotely viable, there are couple I talked to platonically but that's it. I'm talking about OLD is general and I have no problem accomplishing it. 

[CopperKnob]

6 minutes ago, Mathbro said:

Not at all? I have yet to interact with any woman on this site I consider remotely viable, there are couple I talked to platonically but that's it. I'm talking about OLD is general and I have no problem accomplishing it. 

The difference with Fet to any other OLD site is the kink element and a need for many to feel comfortable and to have built up a certain level of trust prior to meeting even if it's just for a coffee.

[Deleted Member]

5 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

The difference with Fet to any other OLD site is the kink element and a need for many to feel comfortable and to have built up a certain level of trust prior to meeting even if it's just for a coffee.

Sure but, a guy could just as easily r*pe or do whatever he wanted to do without mentioning kink his regular OLD profile after a meetup. I suppose you could argue the type of person maybe?  Or perhaps the expectation of sex since it's a sex focused site? I think the benefit of this place is that you can communicate that maybe you are into non-standard sexual practices with the goal of finding others who have similar interests. To be honest though I don't feel particularly compelled to talk about my extensive kinks with someone as long as there is the underlying understanding that hey if we get to the point of having sex, this is something I want to do, at least sometimes. 

[CopperKnob]

54 minutes ago, Mathbro said:

Sure but, a guy could just as easily r*pe or do whatever he wanted to do without mentioning kink his regular OLD profile after a meetup. I suppose you could argue the type of person maybe?  Or perhaps the expectation of sex since it's a sex focused site? I think the benefit of this place is that you can communicate that maybe you are into non-standard sexual practices with the goal of finding others who have similar interests. To be honest though I don't feel particularly compelled to talk about my extensive kinks with someone as long as there is the underlying understanding that hey if we get to the point of having sex, this is something I want to do, at least sometimes. 

I think that the point of Lockfairys post was really to say, look what can happen when two people are able to communicate their needs and both parties are able to understand and respect those needs

[ge****]

7 hours ago, Mathbro said:

I'm very surprised someone would talk to you for months without meeting in person. At this point when I match with someone on OLD I want to meet within a week or less or I feel they aren't serious. I don't agree it's any riskier than meeting a random person you just met off the street or from some event for coffee or dinner or what ever.

I'm not saying invite them to your house and get drunk with them but I do want to meet basically immediately to decide if we actually are into each other or not. 

Thing is, ultimately this comes down to "you do it your way, I'll do it mine" and if those two ways differ from each other, and neither person is prepared to compromise, then we're not compatible from that perspective plain and simple.
.
As I said upthread - neither way is "wrong" they're just different.

[Ky****]

On 7/2/2022 at 11:43 PM, PoisonJohnny said:

If after a few months you have not met, then chances are this is just a fantasy and nothing will come of it. Great he talks to you like a human being, but where's the solid real life outcome?

i correspond like this with someone in USA, we'll probably never meet but having e pen friends is a solid real life outcome too

[Deleted Member]

7 hours ago, Mathbro said:

Sure but, a guy could just as easily r*pe or do whatever he wanted to do without mentioning kink his regular OLD profile after a meetup.

A gal could also r*pe, or any gender identity. Not just men who r*pe.

 

[Ch****]

Iv had the super freak message a few times of different men. I always think can you not  come up with a better line.

 

Iv had some realy great chats with people.

Iv had chats on canning food an preserving food

Dairy farming.

And a awesome history lesson about native American history 

 

To name but a few topics iv spoken about in pm.

 

There are people it's taken me months or years to meet that iv spoken to on here.

 

It's not a red flag to me. What is is being told I will meet them now and you will call me sir because I am your dom.

 

Another red glag iv gotten is you will meet me I don't care if your collard an owned and you will not tell your master. He does not need to know so do as your told.

 People like these are soon added to my black list.

 

I would never go to meet any 1 of here with out 1st talking to my master about it as iv madevsome great freinds who I like to go meet have lunch with an go shopping.  Sometimes there's been a group of us. 

 

1 lady iv meet quite a few times. We're also planning on meeting again for lunch an shopping.

 

I'm here to make freinds and if people want to pm me its great as long as they stick to my rules.

 

[Ch****]

6 minutes ago, Kymi said:

i correspond like this with someone in USA, we'll probably never meet but having e pen friends is a solid real life outcome too

Yes i chat to a few American people.  Yes I want meet them but iv made some great freinds. Some who.are there when I need a chat

[Deleted Member]

7 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

The difference with Fet to any other OLD site is the kink element and a need for many to feel comfortable and to have built up a certain level of trust prior to meeting even if it's just for a coffee.

A coffee is part of the trust building to me (and many other things). A coffee can be as controlled or limited as suits. Names don't even need to be exchanged. Even expectations or boundaries about a coffee can be communicated. Vanilla dating sites, coffee meetings are normal, yet for all could know a person is also on a kinky dating site (I'm on both types right now).

[Ky****]

1 minute ago, Charms said:

Yes i chat to a few American people.  Yes I want meet them but iv made some great freinds. Some who.are there when I need a chat

yep that's a real life result, even kinkies need a shoulder or a listening ear

[Deleted Member]

Just now, Charms said:

I'm here to make freinds and if people want to pm me its great as long as they stick to my rules.

Are these rules stated on your profile? Other wise a PM'r needs to be a mind reader?

[ey****]

8 hours ago, Lockfairy said:

Exactly. Context is everything.

When we first started talking to him, I had not long left an abusive relationship. It was going to be a while before I was ready for anything new.  It’s odd, but he didn’t throw his hands in the air and stomp off in an impatient huff when he didn’t get what he wanted within five minutes of meeting me. Weird, huh?

it's something I don't think a lot of folk understand

I know to a degree some of my circumstances are different but it's not uncommon from an initial conversation to actual meet/play for me that it can take months - even excluding lockdowns.  There was someone I met properly last Autumn then played with a month later - who it had actually been 3 years since we first started talking.   However, aside from covid/lockdowns she also both had a child and had health problems.  

Had I not have had patience, it wouldn't have happened.

Of course, there was someone else who I saw at an event, we didn't actually talk *at* the event - but did a "hey, I saw you but didn't get to speak" after the event and then met within a couple of weeks and have a few times since (and are likely to see each other socially this week) so it's not all 3 year affairs

But, a lot does tie in with what I've said so much about the importance of patience.

Interesting, of course, it's mostly men who are saying "if she doesn't meet within a week then I'm not longer interested" rather than the women.  I think there's learning in there again. 

[Deleted Member]

20 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

Interesting, of course, it's mostly men who are saying "if she doesn't meet within a week then I'm not longer interested" rather than the women.  I think there's learning in there again.

There is like what a ratio of 15 or more (estimated/unconfirmed) males per female on this site. So yeah of course it's mostly men.

I think there is leaning learning there in this.

We could say a sunglasses salesperson based in S*** achieves much better sales than the salesperson based in Iceland. Context is everything if we are to consider the bigger picture.

[ey****]

20 minutes ago, Shirt-n-Tie-Boy said:

There is like what a ratio of 15 or more (estimated/unconfirmed) males per female on this site. So yeah of course it's mostly men.

 

I don't think there's even been 15 men on this thread - it's certainly been more split

20 minutes ago, Shirt-n-Tie-Boy said:

We could say a sunglasses salesperson based in S*** achieves much better sales than the salesperson based in Iceland. Context is everything if we are to consider the bigger picture.

It would depend.  There is a big market for sunglasses in Iceland.

I think my point is...

Women : I've had good results with men who it took a while before we actually met

Some Men : We don't have good results.  We also often stop talking to people if they won't meet within a week as we don't think they're serious

Other men : Yeah, we had good results with people we've been talking to for a while

Who is getting the results here and who is not?

[Ky****]

trans women often find same from gay men,

context can be nuanced, a lot of icelanders use sunglasses because of snow glare

had a point when i started but forgotten it by time i've reached here

[Ar****]

51 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

Women : I've had good results with men who it took a while before we actually met

Some Men : We don't have good results.  We also often stop talking to people if they won't meet within a week as we don't think they're serious

Other men : Yeah, we had good results with people we've been talking to for a while

I didn't realise it was possible to feel this much love for the internet so early in the day. Thank you sir.

[Ch****]

2 hours ago, Shirt-n-Tie-Boy said:

Are these rules stated on your profile? Other wise a PM'r needs to be a mind reader?

Yes the rules are on my profile. 

Of coures I'm going to put my rules on my profile so people know them.

 

I also state these are my rules I must follow.

 

I'm.not stupid . If I didn't put my rules on my profile how do I expect people to follow them. 

 

Although 90% of people don't follow my rules

[Ch****]

2 hours ago, Kymi said:

yep that's a real life result, even kinkies need a shoulder or a listening ear

We sure do.  There's a lovely person who is like my *** but there in the usa . I love her.

 

I also get to chat you , you awesome person