Guys, It’s ok to be angry. Just put it where it belongs

[CopperKnob]

Let’s talk about anger. In particular, your own anger from feeling like your situation is unfair.

Something which has come to light recently which seems to be common amongst cis-het men with the instilled, default masculine upbringing, is the frustration with what is seen as unfair treatment, particularly by their female counterparts. It appears that some struggle to understand why you have to constantly prove you aren't a predator, a creep or a stalker. You feel it's unfair that you're often treated like a threat, seemingly by default. “No one gives me a chance” is how it feels, and more than that, women seem to be actively building walls higher to keep you out, even when you think you're just trying to be nice.

Until you take the time to understand just how unbelievably bad the harassment/stalker problem is, the caution becomes very clearly justified. When you do this, you'll realise that what you see as behaviour to keep you out isn’t personal, and is entirely reasonable given the risks and history of those involved.

I can guarantee that literally all of your female presenting friends have at least one horrifying story.
The internet itself is a bottomless pit of horrifying personal anecdotes, all but alien to the male experience of being alone and feeling invisible. With each new story you'll hear, the precautions will make more and more sense to you. With that, hopefully cames empathy.

And with empathy comes so much more (hopefully). You'll understood why you're coming across as unsafe in your previous interactions. You'll understand that the precautions of others aren't personal. You'll gain new appreciation for the trust people do show in you. You'll find yourself increasingly motivated to keep your spaces free from people that would make others uncomfortable/unsafe, and as a result, you'll find yourself in spaces where predators struggle to get a foothold, and everyone will be better off for it.

If you feel exhausted, frustrated and angry by how people have to protect themselves online or in person, then good. You should be frustrated. That anger is understandable. But, put it where it belongs.

Instead of directing that anger at the women who seem guarded, be angry at the men who made literally every space unsafe. Frustrated that you can’t get replies to messages on Fet? Be angry at the guys who flood the inboxes of any woman they can find with cringey or copy pasted messages. Be angry at the guys who respond to rejection with anger. Be angry with the stalkers, the abusers, the boundary pushers. Be angry at the guys who hurt people, those are the ones who 🦆 things up for literally everyone else.

When these people hurt others in your space, they hurt you. They leave a trail of destruction that validates practically every frustrating thing I’ve mentioned above. Be angry on behalf of your friends, but be angry on behalf of yourself too.

A lot of times, personal growth means learning your anger was unfounded.

Take care of the people, even the strangers, around you. Not because you’ll get something out of it, but because we’ll all have a better space for everyone in the end.

Women have a mysterious gift for telling the difference between men who are interested in real people and men who want walking fleshlights. We don’t have sex with the latter too often because treating women like people, it turns out, is a really good way to get laid.

The kink community is outstanding for finding play partners if you’re a respectful guy and direct your anger where it's needed.

[Deleted Member]

Bravo! Point bloody well made.

[Go****]

Such a wonderful read and so well written 💜💜💜💜

[Th****]

Another nail driven home beautifully... Bravo!

[Deleted Member]

Cis-het? What that?

[ge****]

Nailed it completely CK - if it changes just one attitude it will have been worth it.

[ge****]

10 minutes ago, wicklowdom said:

Cis-het? What that?

Cis-gender is a term used to describe those that identify as the same gender they were given at birth, and het is short for heterosexual - so cis-het men are basically straight men who have been men since birth 👍🏻

[Deleted Member]

In other words, making up labels.

[Lo****]

Just now, wicklowdom said:

In other words, making up labels.

We wouldn’t be able to talk to one another without labels.

[Lo****]

Skilfully written, Copper. As usual. 

[NoNameDom84]

Another load of shite aimed at trying to say how men should behave. Go and watch some ADM Crazy Reviews on YouTube to truly understand how men feel. Way too long for me to describe hear. But you are way off the mark

[Deleted Member]

13 minutes ago, Lockfairy said:

We wouldn’t be able to talk to one another without labels.

I'm talking to you now and not attributing any labels to you whatever. 

[Wo****]

16 minutes ago, wicklowdom said:

I'm talking to you now and not attributing any labels to you whatever. 

Is "dom" not a "label"?

[Wo****]

18 minutes ago, NoNameDom84 said:

aimed at trying to say how men should behave

No. It's how some men DO behave.

I have had hundreds of messages ranging from "I'm going to skull fcuk you" to "obviously a lezzer" when I politely decline the offer.

 

Not all, some. Too many tbh.

Trust me, if you read some of the messages we receive you'd get it.

Anything from demands to statements that amount to threats of r**e (which were reported and dealt with)

[Ar****]

@CopperKnobJust, yes ❤

[Go****]

👌💜

[Deleted Member]

7 minutes ago, BountyHunter said:

Is "dom" not a "label"?

It's one I choose, not one which is imposed on me by someone else - someone else with a political agenda to boot. 

[Wo****]

1 minute ago, wicklowdom said:

It's one I choose, not one which is imposed on me by someone else - someone else with a political agenda to boot. 

Oh, so you relate to the post then?

[Lo****]

23 minutes ago, wicklowdom said:

I'm talking to you now and not attributing any labels to you whatever. 

Label is simply another word for noun (or pronoun). There would be no communication without nouns.

 

Or, alternatively:

? is simply another ? for ? (or ?). There would be no ? without ?

 

However, this is completely off topic.

 

 

[CopperKnob]

32 minutes ago, NoNameDom84 said:

Another load of shite aimed at trying to say how men should behave. Go and watch some ADM Crazy Reviews on YouTube to truly understand how men feel. Way too long for me to describe hear. But you are way off the mark

I've not seen any posts telling men how to behave?

[CopperKnob]

56 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Nailed it completely CK - if it changes just one attitude it will have been worth it.

We (as a community) can hope

[CopperKnob]

11 minutes ago, wicklowdom said:

It's one I choose, not one which is imposed on me by someone else - someone else with a political agenda to boot. 

Who has a political agenda?

[jt****]

Spot on. And I'll add to the list of things to be angry with, media, politicians, and shit bag dads that enable these so called men to remain in 16 year old mentalities. Keeping entitlement high and accountability low

[PJ****]

16 minutes ago, wicklowdom said:

It's one I choose, not one which is imposed on me by someone else - someone else with a political agenda to boot. 

Sooo... what do other people in this community refer to you as? Frank? An occasional table? A chocolate teapot? 🤷‍♂️surely they use the label of Dom no? Cis-het is simply a shorthand way of describing a group of people man chill.. it's way easier than saying... straight men who were born men and grew up as men and and still are men 😂

[Deleted Member]

2 minutes ago, PJ3000 said:

Sooo... what do other people in this community refer to you as? Frank? An occasional table? A chocolate teapot? 🤷‍♂️surely they use the label of Dom no? Cis-het is simply a shorthand way of describing a group of people man chill.. it's way easier than saying... straight men who were born men and grew up as men and and still are men 😂

Or you could just call them men...